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8 Things That Happen When I Put Down My Phone

8 Things That Happen When I Put Down My Phone

Look around you. If you’re in any type of social setting whatsoever, the chances are that a majority of the people you see are using their phones.

Everywhere you look these days, everyone is on their phones. Whether you’re at work, at a restaurant, at a baseball game, or even sitting in traffic!

We’ve become immune to the social customs of our lives pre-cell-phone era. These were the glory days, where we weren’t glued to our “smart” phones. It seems like a lifetime past. Now, we’re enslaved to our little pocket-sized devices, and it’s taking away a lot of joy in our lives.

I know firsthand how tough it can be to set down your phone, but I urge you to try. Sometimes, when I get over the addiction to texting, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Googling all sorts of random things on my phone, I actually realize a lot of good things happening.

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Here are 8 things that typically occur whenever I do put my phone down.

1. I Become More Productive

When I’m not wasting time away looking at random pictures, videos, statuses, updates, and blurbs about nothing, I actually get a lot of work done. As an entrepreneur, I spin a lot of plates at the same time and try my best to do as much as possible. Whether writing a blog like this, networking online, running my podcast, or working on my next project, there’s always something productive that I could be doing. However, I always seem to get caught up in fiddling around on my phone, and I find that less work gets done. When I put the phone down though (far away from me), my output skyrockets!

2. I Become More Social

I often have a little rule about phones when it comes to being with a friend: “Don’t use them!” When you’re with someone, especially say on a date, or in another situation where you are trying to get to know someone better, using your phone is perhaps the biggest insult to the interaction you could make. It totally takes the social aspect and connection out of the attempt at connecting!

I don’t usually do this, but every once in a while I’ll forget my own rule and I’ll look through an email or a text for a minute or two. However, when I realize what I’m doing, I’ll apologize to whoever I’m with and put my phone down. When I do so, I become much more social and much more engaging.

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3. I Am Less Stressed

When I put my phone down, it seems to release a bit of stress and anxiety built up within me. I no longer worry about emailing back someone who’s just emailed me, I don’t worry about texting someone, and I don’t worry about being rude if I’m with a friend. As great as cell phones are, they also are the root cause of a lot of stress. When you put them down you’ll realize this too.

4. I Live In The Moment

Along the same lines of being less stressed, comes living in the moment. When you put your phone away, you take in the world and see more clearly. You don’t think about the future, like what your response is going to be, what you should say in your email, how to word a text, what you should be posting, etc. Instead, you live in the now, in the present and beautiful moment!

5. I Live In Reality, Not In A Virtual World

As great as technology is, and it is pretty awesome, it does have its downsides. One of those downsides is living your life through a screen. This is a virtual simulation, and not truly the world you’re supposed to live in. We are not computers, we are humans! Technology is great, but technology can only mimic certain things. It can’t give you the real thing!

When I put my phone down, I get the real thing. I get all of life, with all of its awesome idiosyncrasies, imperfections, beauties, wonders, tastes, smells, textures, and everything else! I’d choose real sex over porn any day of the week. I’d choose traveling somewhere over looking at a picture. I’d choose a real friendship over a Facebook friendship! All of these things actually happen when I put my phone down and step back into reality!

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6. My Relationships Are Better With Others

My relationships with others are always better when the phone is away. As I mentioned earlier, I try to stick with my rule of not being on the phone when I’m with a friend. It just takes away from the interaction, and can be disrespectful if someone feels slighted or ignored.

When the phone goes down, the level of communication goes up. Friends, family, girlfriend — all love interacting with me when my phone is away. Surprisingly, our relationships are more the better because of this.

7. I Feel More Empowered

When I break the chains of phone enslavement, I feel more empowered. I feel like I am taking control of my life and actively deciding the way I choose to live. If I allow every distraction from my Android to get the better of my attention, I feel less in control. When I take hold of my focus; however, and actively decide to put away the disruptions, I feel great!

8. I Am Happier

I am infinitely happier with the way I handle my phone proclivities these days. I feel like I know when to use my phone and when to let it rest. My social, mental, and occupational lives have all benefitted from my ability to put down my phone. I am definitely happier and content each and every time my phone shuts off.

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I know it’s tough. I know it’s hard. But try putting down your phone today, and just see what happens. You’ll probably realize that life is so much more enjoyable when you actually truly experience it!

Featured photo credit: Johan Larsson via flickr.com

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Justin Stenstrom

Nationally-Acclaimed Life Coach

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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