Look around you. If you’re in any type of social setting whatsoever, the chances are that a majority of the people you see are using their phones.
Everywhere you look these days, everyone is on their phones. Whether you’re at work, at a restaurant, at a baseball game, or even sitting in traffic!
We’ve become immune to the social customs of our lives pre-cell-phone era. These were the glory days, where we weren’t glued to our “smart” phones. It seems like a lifetime past. Now, we’re enslaved to our little pocket-sized devices, and it’s taking away a lot of joy in our lives.
I know firsthand how tough it can be to set down your phone, but I urge you to try. Sometimes, when I get over the addiction to texting, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Googling all sorts of random things on my phone, I actually realize a lot of good things happening.
Here are 8 things that typically occur whenever I do put my phone down.
1. I Become More Productive
When I’m not wasting time away looking at random pictures, videos, statuses, updates, and blurbs about nothing, I actually get a lot of work done. As an entrepreneur, I spin a lot of plates at the same time and try my best to do as much as possible. Whether writing a blog like this, networking online, running my podcast, or working on my next project, there’s always something productive that I could be doing. However, I always seem to get caught up in fiddling around on my phone, and I find that less work gets done. When I put the phone down though (far away from me), my output skyrockets!
2. I Become More Social
I often have a little rule about phones when it comes to being with a friend: “Don’t use them!” When you’re with someone, especially say on a date, or in another situation where you are trying to get to know someone better, using your phone is perhaps the biggest insult to the interaction you could make. It totally takes the social aspect and connection out of the attempt at connecting!
I don’t usually do this, but every once in a while I’ll forget my own rule and I’ll look through an email or a text for a minute or two. However, when I realize what I’m doing, I’ll apologize to whoever I’m with and put my phone down. When I do so, I become much more social and much more engaging.
3. I Am Less Stressed
When I put my phone down, it seems to release a bit of stress and anxiety built up within me. I no longer worry about emailing back someone who’s just emailed me, I don’t worry about texting someone, and I don’t worry about being rude if I’m with a friend. As great as cell phones are, they also are the root cause of a lot of stress. When you put them down you’ll realize this too.
4. I Live In The Moment
Along the same lines of being less stressed, comes living in the moment. When you put your phone away, you take in the world and see more clearly. You don’t think about the future, like what your response is going to be, what you should say in your email, how to word a text, what you should be posting, etc. Instead, you live in the now, in the present and beautiful moment!
5. I Live In Reality, Not In A Virtual World
As great as technology is, and it is pretty awesome, it does have its downsides. One of those downsides is living your life through a screen. This is a virtual simulation, and not truly the world you’re supposed to live in. We are not computers, we are humans! Technology is great, but technology can only mimic certain things. It can’t give you the real thing!
When I put my phone down, I get the real thing. I get all of life, with all of its awesome idiosyncrasies, imperfections, beauties, wonders, tastes, smells, textures, and everything else! I’d choose real sex over porn any day of the week. I’d choose traveling somewhere over looking at a picture. I’d choose a real friendship over a Facebook friendship! All of these things actually happen when I put my phone down and step back into reality!
6. My Relationships Are Better With Others
My relationships with others are always better when the phone is away. As I mentioned earlier, I try to stick with my rule of not being on the phone when I’m with a friend. It just takes away from the interaction, and can be disrespectful if someone feels slighted or ignored.
When the phone goes down, the level of communication goes up. Friends, family, girlfriend — all love interacting with me when my phone is away. Surprisingly, our relationships are more the better because of this.
7. I Feel More Empowered
When I break the chains of phone enslavement, I feel more empowered. I feel like I am taking control of my life and actively deciding the way I choose to live. If I allow every distraction from my Android to get the better of my attention, I feel less in control. When I take hold of my focus; however, and actively decide to put away the disruptions, I feel great!
8. I Am Happier
I am infinitely happier with the way I handle my phone proclivities these days. I feel like I know when to use my phone and when to let it rest. My social, mental, and occupational lives have all benefitted from my ability to put down my phone. I am definitely happier and content each and every time my phone shuts off.
I know it’s tough. I know it’s hard. But try putting down your phone today, and just see what happens. You’ll probably realize that life is so much more enjoyable when you actually truly experience it!
You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.
Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.
Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:
1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically
According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.
“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor
Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:
If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.
If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.
Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:
Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.
Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.
To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.
Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.
Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.
Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.
Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.
Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:
2. Focus on your goal
One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.
Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’
Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.
Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.
If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.
3. Convert negativity to positivity
There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?
‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’
It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.
Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”
Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.
Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:
4. Understand your content
Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.
However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.
“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor
Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.
Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.
One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.
5. Practice makes perfect
Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.
In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.
Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!
6. Be authentic
There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.
Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.
Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.
To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.
With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.
Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:
7. Post speech evaluation
Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.
Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation
We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.
You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.
Improve your next speech
As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:
How did I do?
Are there any areas for improvement?
Did I sound or look stressed?
Did I stumble on my words? Why?
Was I saying “um” too often?
How was the flow of the speech?
Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.
If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too: