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8 Things That Happen When I Put Down My Phone

8 Things That Happen When I Put Down My Phone

Look around you. If you’re in any type of social setting whatsoever, the chances are that a majority of the people you see are using their phones.

Everywhere you look these days, everyone is on their phones. Whether you’re at work, at a restaurant, at a baseball game, or even sitting in traffic!

We’ve become immune to the social customs of our lives pre-cell-phone era. These were the glory days, where we weren’t glued to our “smart” phones. It seems like a lifetime past. Now, we’re enslaved to our little pocket-sized devices, and it’s taking away a lot of joy in our lives.

I know firsthand how tough it can be to set down your phone, but I urge you to try. Sometimes, when I get over the addiction to texting, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Googling all sorts of random things on my phone, I actually realize a lot of good things happening.

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Here are 8 things that typically occur whenever I do put my phone down.

1. I Become More Productive

When I’m not wasting time away looking at random pictures, videos, statuses, updates, and blurbs about nothing, I actually get a lot of work done. As an entrepreneur, I spin a lot of plates at the same time and try my best to do as much as possible. Whether writing a blog like this, networking online, running my podcast, or working on my next project, there’s always something productive that I could be doing. However, I always seem to get caught up in fiddling around on my phone, and I find that less work gets done. When I put the phone down though (far away from me), my output skyrockets!

2. I Become More Social

I often have a little rule about phones when it comes to being with a friend: “Don’t use them!” When you’re with someone, especially say on a date, or in another situation where you are trying to get to know someone better, using your phone is perhaps the biggest insult to the interaction you could make. It totally takes the social aspect and connection out of the attempt at connecting!

I don’t usually do this, but every once in a while I’ll forget my own rule and I’ll look through an email or a text for a minute or two. However, when I realize what I’m doing, I’ll apologize to whoever I’m with and put my phone down. When I do so, I become much more social and much more engaging.

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3. I Am Less Stressed

When I put my phone down, it seems to release a bit of stress and anxiety built up within me. I no longer worry about emailing back someone who’s just emailed me, I don’t worry about texting someone, and I don’t worry about being rude if I’m with a friend. As great as cell phones are, they also are the root cause of a lot of stress. When you put them down you’ll realize this too.

4. I Live In The Moment

Along the same lines of being less stressed, comes living in the moment. When you put your phone away, you take in the world and see more clearly. You don’t think about the future, like what your response is going to be, what you should say in your email, how to word a text, what you should be posting, etc. Instead, you live in the now, in the present and beautiful moment!

5. I Live In Reality, Not In A Virtual World

As great as technology is, and it is pretty awesome, it does have its downsides. One of those downsides is living your life through a screen. This is a virtual simulation, and not truly the world you’re supposed to live in. We are not computers, we are humans! Technology is great, but technology can only mimic certain things. It can’t give you the real thing!

When I put my phone down, I get the real thing. I get all of life, with all of its awesome idiosyncrasies, imperfections, beauties, wonders, tastes, smells, textures, and everything else! I’d choose real sex over porn any day of the week. I’d choose traveling somewhere over looking at a picture. I’d choose a real friendship over a Facebook friendship! All of these things actually happen when I put my phone down and step back into reality!

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6. My Relationships Are Better With Others

My relationships with others are always better when the phone is away. As I mentioned earlier, I try to stick with my rule of not being on the phone when I’m with a friend. It just takes away from the interaction, and can be disrespectful if someone feels slighted or ignored.

When the phone goes down, the level of communication goes up. Friends, family, girlfriend — all love interacting with me when my phone is away. Surprisingly, our relationships are more the better because of this.

7. I Feel More Empowered

When I break the chains of phone enslavement, I feel more empowered. I feel like I am taking control of my life and actively deciding the way I choose to live. If I allow every distraction from my Android to get the better of my attention, I feel less in control. When I take hold of my focus; however, and actively decide to put away the disruptions, I feel great!

8. I Am Happier

I am infinitely happier with the way I handle my phone proclivities these days. I feel like I know when to use my phone and when to let it rest. My social, mental, and occupational lives have all benefitted from my ability to put down my phone. I am definitely happier and content each and every time my phone shuts off.

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I know it’s tough. I know it’s hard. But try putting down your phone today, and just see what happens. You’ll probably realize that life is so much more enjoyable when you actually truly experience it!

Featured photo credit: Johan Larsson via flickr.com

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Justin Stenstrom

Nationally-Acclaimed Life Coach

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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