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10 Reasons Why Being Intelligent Is Problematic (And Even A Curse)

10 Reasons Why Being Intelligent Is Problematic (And Even A Curse)

Being intelligent has a lot of pluses. Not only can you do your homework in a hurry, but you are able to hold your own in abstract conversations. Although there are a lot of bonuses, there are some serious challenges.

When you are carrying a big brain, you have got to learn at least a few ways to navigate these very real problems:

1. People fail to understand your awesome jokes

Your brain moves fast and you are chock full of obscure knowledge. As you crack a truly hilarious joke, you realize halfway through that your beloved friends are not going to know what the heck you are talking about. By the time you have explained all the background they need to get the joke, its probably not funny to anyone anymore.

Ah, such wasted effort.

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2. Your work is NEVER finished

You’ve always got a ton of brain power milling about. As a result, you are constantly noting things to fix, things to learn about and ways to constantly utilize every moment you have.

Unfortunately, this often leads to massive piles of stress and a failure to ever actually rest.

3. Happiness becomes elusive

Related to number two, you struggle to feel okay about the massive piles of things to do. Since work is never finished, you can never feel content. Similarly, when you are so involved in something positive that happiness may naturally arise, your brain returns to the multitude of other things you really should be worried about.

And thus, happiness escapes before it was even present.

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4. Social awkwardness is commonplace

Brain power doesn’t necessarily make every day small talk any easier. Between obscure references, a lack of ability to relate to normal stuff like sports and fashion, and a tendency to say smart things which few people understand, you are rocking the awkward turtle moments.

5. Being wrong is NOT an option

Should the horrible event occur where you happen to get something wrong, every single person that witnessed it will clearly remember the event. They are also likely to remind you of it. You will do everything you can to rationalize the mistake and downplay it. But when you are right most of the time, it’s always memorable to get it wrong once.

6. You struggle to cut yourself some slack

Intelligent people hold themselves to high standards, whether they want to or not. After all, you’ve got all these brain cells ready and able to solve any and every problem you might have. How could it possibly be that you don’t perform to your highest capacity every time?

Of course, this isn’t reasonable, but its really hard to keep some perspective as a highly intelligent person.

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7. You expect greatness, and experience depression with failure to deliver

Not only do you expect yourself to be great all the time, but when that doesn’t work out, you get super bummed. You’ve got all these great resources, its clearly just laziness or lack of effort that leads to sub-par performance. What a horrible person you must be.

At the end of the day, no one can be great all the time, but those with high intelligence struggle to appreciate this fact.

8. You have authority problems

Although you are clearly more intelligent than many, you find yourself in the same position as others of superior intelligence: At some time, you are in a subordinate position to individuals with less mental prowess. As a result, respect for authority becomes quite a challenge.

Its hard to respect your boss when you feel that you have the brain power to do a vastly superior job.

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9.You struggle with your idenitity

If you describe yourself as intelligent, you are clearly an arrogant jerk. If you downplay your intelligence, you will find yourself hanging out with people who are terribly boring. You need to find some way to get both your sense of self and your fear of arrogance in check.

All without turning people off before you even try to be friends.

10. Boredom is overwhelming

Intelligent people like to stay mentally active. Inevitably, he or she will be asked to work on something which is just tedious. This can really drain an intelligent person. To keep an intelligent person motivated, boredom can’t be part of the equation.

Featured photo credit: Icarissimmi via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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