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10 Signs Of An Abusive Partner In A Relationship

10 Signs Of An Abusive Partner In A Relationship

Abuse comes in many forms. No two relationships are the same. However, there is definitely a common thread on the patterns and behaviors that we see, I talk from experience.

Some forms of abuse are easy to identify and understand, but sometimes abuse is not so easy to see. Emotional and psychological abuse often fly under the radar, and not considered as abuse. However, they can be just as dangerous. Usually, if someone is getting physically abused there is always emotional abuse. Unfortunately, the two go hand in hand. Knowing the warning signs and prevention is key. Believe me, once you start getting abused it can escalate quickly and unfold before the blink of eye. All of sudden you’re curled up in a ball in the corner of the room wondering how you got there. It’s never as easy as, “Why don’t you just leave.”

The aim of this article is to give you not only an understanding as to the warning signs of abusive behavior, but also tell you how you can ask a question that might save someone’s life. Abuse is not tied to one particular demographic. It affects one in three people and it can be lead to any number of other things, such as mental illness, drug and alcohol addiction, eating disorders, and obesity — or death.

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Certain personality traits in a loved one can be seen as “cute” in the beginning; however, they can quickly turn into abuse. For example, a little jealously or the constant “checking in” to see what you’re doing, is just one sign of an abusive partner. Look to this list for further examples.

They Try To Control You

Whether it is the constant calls, dictating what you do each day and where you can go, your finances, the friends you have, or the clothes you wear, they’re always trying to control you. These are warning signs that they are not letting you be the person you want to be. You just don’t know when the day is going to come when the control turns into something they can’t control.

They Belittle and Humiliate You

They put you down and embarrass you in front of other people. They begin to point out flaws in your appearance or your personality.

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They Make Constant Accusations

They constantly think you’re doing something when you’re not. They think you’re flirting with others, looking at the opposite sex, and having affairs. Or they don’t like how you spoke to “that person” for too long.

They Withdrawal Their Affection

An abusive sign is when the relationship’s affection and intimacy is on their terms. They also might become uninterested in affection, or it only comes with conditions.

They Lack Communication

You can’t talk to them without them getting angry. They also never want to hear what you have to say.

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They Make Threats

If they make threats of suicide, or if they threaten your life if you leave, they’re definitely manipulating you. This is just another form of abuse.

They Commit Adultery

They may conduct provocative behavior with the opposite sex. However, they could also expect you to allow them to sleep with other people, but deny you the same “benefit”.

They Are Sarcastic

They use an unpleasant tone of voice, sometimes even being negatively sarcastic towards you.

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They Are Moody

They have an array of volatile emotions, It seems to swing from extremes, for no apparent reason. Somehow they find a way to blame you for their mood, when it’s not even your fault.

They Only Love You If…

Their love comes with conditions, “I love you but…” or “I will love you if…” Real love is unconditional. It doesn’t verge into abusive territory like this.

In Conclusion

When someone is in an abusive relationship, silence, fear and shame consumes them. This could be your relationship, especially if you recognize any of those listed qualities in your partner. As much as you want to speak up, you can’t. But you want to, more than anything you want to. So ask yourself the question: “Do I think I know someone who is being abused?” If so, ask them to take a seat and have a chat. Simply ask them, “Are you okay?” Their answer could change their world.

Once we empower people to use their emotional guidance system and how to deal with their emotions, the less we will see domestic violence, as well as sexual and emotional abuse in society. The most important thing is to break the silence and open up about our experience, so we can help others.

About Renée Mayne

Renée Mayne came from a life of physical abuse and transformed it into one that is filled with love. She lives life wide-awake.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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