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12 Things Only New Moms Would Understand

12 Things Only New Moms Would Understand

There is nothing that can prepare you for how tiring it is to be a new mom.

The late night feedings. The aching and leaking. The diapers and soreness. The fog and confusion. A recent study has shown that new mothers still experience excessive daytime sleepiness over 18 weeks after giving birth. So if you’re a new mom and you find yourself feeling like a zombie, you are not alone.

There is also nothing that can prepare you for how awe-inspiring it is to be a new mom.

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The first time you look into your baby’s eyes. The sound of your baby’s giggle. The coos and babbles. The sheer volume of love you have for this new person in your life can be overwhelming. It’s amazing, joyful, ecstatic, humbling, frightening, and confusing all at once. And you wouldn’t give it up for the world. Here are 12 things you would only understand if you were a new mom:

1. You are filled with relief when you finally hear your baby cry

You’ve just endured 40 weeks of intense body changes you couldn’t have ever imagined. You’ve been through who knows how many hours of labor, contractions, needles, waiting, and pushing. You’ve done all of this knowing that you’ll eventually get to meet your beautiful baby. There is nothing more glorious than those first wails, when you know he or she is finally here and healthy.

2. You sweat constantly

Between the natural hormone detox your body goes through, and the actual, physical effort it takes to walk, lift a baby, and carry a car seat at the same time, you sweat more than you ever have in your entire life. You wind up craving the one thing you wind up never having time for: a shower.

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3. You realize how scary the world really seems

You lived in ignorant bliss before your baby came along. Intersections, parking lots, and public spaces seemed perfectly innocent. Watching the nightly news never bothered you. Now, you see everything as a possible cause of injury or harm to your precious newborn, and you realize how much danger there can be in the world.

4. You never actually sleep when the baby sleeps

In a perfect world, a new mom could gently close her eyes and immediately fall into a peaceful sleep the moment her newborn falls asleep. In the real world, new moms have laundry to do, milk to prepare, and emails to answer. If you’re lucky, you can squeeze in a phone call with a friend. On the rare instances you can fall asleep, it’s guaranteed the baby will wake you up ten minutes later.

5. Your body looks different, but you actually love it more

Your body just created, housed, and delivered a human being. It was asked to do incredible things and stepped up to the task. It may feel battered and broken, but it is also stronger and more powerful than ever before. Your body gave life and nourishment to your baby, and that is truly amazing.

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6. You find your breakfast cold on the counter at 1 p.m. and remember you never ate

Babies know the exact moment you are about to eat, and they tend to chose that moment to need something from you. You will either stuff whatever you can in your mouth in .5 seconds, or, more likely, make food and then forget to eat it because you have to deal with diaper explosions and spit-ups.

7. You stay up late researching baby information online

How many times should my baby be pooping per day? How much milk should I give? Is a cough at night normal? How long should I let my baby cry? When can I exercise again? What doctor should I see? Each new day brings a new question, and you will find yourself scouring the Internet into the wee hours of the morning trying to find answers.

8. You’ve been waiting to go out with your girlfriends, but now you just want to stay home with your baby

You finally have time to go out for a drink and let go a little, but now you don’t really want to. While you love your friends and cherish the details of their lives, this little life in front of you is suddenly so much more important and interesting. You just want to stay in for now and snuggle your new baby.

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9. You have to become the most patient person you know

One simple diaper change turns into three diaper changes, two changes of clothes for the baby, and one change of clothes for you. One nighttime feeding turns into 3 hours of feeding, crying, playing, crying, feeding, feeding and crying again. You know that becoming frustrated only makes things worse, so you take a deep breath and prepare to do it all again.

10. You’ve become “that mom” who shows off endless pictures of her baby

You swore you wouldn’t do it, but you just can’t help yourself. Your baby is the most adorable and amazing thing in your life, and you want to show everyone you know. You now understand why moms do it, and you become more excited to see their pictures as well.

11. You love and appreciate your partner more

They may still snore or forget to take out the garbage, but your partner had an equal hand in creating your amazing new baby. They share the love and responsibility of raising your baby, and echo the hopes and fears you have for your child. Nothing compares to the first time you see your partner holding your new baby.

12. You are always exhausted, and that’s okay

Yes, you are sleep deprived. But you are also constantly lifting a baby and a carseat. You are bending over to pick up toys and recovering from giving birth. You suddenly love someone more than you ever though possible and you want to protect them with every fiber of your being. You are mentally and physically exhausted, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Featured photo credit: Danielle MacInnes via unsplash.com

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Last Updated on August 22, 2019

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 27% of children under the age of 18 are living with a single parent.[1] That’s over 1/4th of the U.S. population.There is a common misconception that children who grow up in single parent homes are not as successful as children living in two-parent homes.

One crucial detail that was often left out of studies when comparing single and two-parent homes was the stability of the household. There is a correlation between family structure and family stability, but this study shows that children who grow up in stable single-parent homes do as well as those in married households in terms of academic abilities and behavior.

But providing stability is easier said than done. With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice, through Facebook or sites like Single Mom Nation.

Although single moms make up the majority of single parents, there are more than 2.6 million single dads in the U.S. A great way to connect is through Meetup. Other single parents will more than happy to arrange babysitting swaps, playdates, and carpools.

Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

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3. Build a Community

In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

4. Accept Help

Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

5. Get Creative with Childcare

Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

If you have space and live in a college town, offer a college student housing in exchange for regular childcare. Or swap kids with other single parents so that your kids have friends to play with while the parents get time to themselves.

When I was younger, my parents had a group of five family friends, and all of the children would rotate to a different house each day of the week, during the summer months. The kids would have a great time playing with each other, and the parents’ job becomes a lot easier. That’s what you would call a win-win situation.

6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

Look into whether or not your area offers emergency babysitting services or a drop-in daycare. Knowing who will be able to care for your child in the event of an emergency can relieve one potential source of anxiety in stressful situations.

7. Create a Routine

Routines are crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

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If the child travels between homes or has multiple caretakers, life can seem extremely chaotic and unpredictable. Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

This article may help you to discipline your child better:

How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

9. Stay Positive

Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

10. Move Past the Guilt

In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

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Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

11. Answer Questions Honestly

Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

12. Treat Kids Like Kids

In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

13. Find Role Models

Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

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Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

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Featured photo credit: Eye for Ebony via unsplash.com

Reference

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