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10 Vital Skills Only Persuasive People Secretly Know

10 Vital Skills Only Persuasive People Secretly Know

The other day I invited a friend to a not-so-well-known gem in my city. Now, Houston is not known for its majestic architecture or theological Mecca’s but this place was both. We parked in what looked like a movie; towering trees, lush grass and cobbled streets. Kerry the Librarian gave us the tour; theological books, ancient journals and Dead Sea Scroll fragments ensconced in soaring, fresco ceilings, iron chandeliers and high-backed armchairs. When she explained for the third time that only the chapel and library were open to the public, I knew it’d be a tough one.

Persuasion can be called many things: coaxing, coercion, the art of letting other people have your way. So I started; asking Kerry about herself, flirting with her. Finally, we had clearly won over the Librarian. We swayed all staff encountered, allowing us access to the lake, ranch, secret pathways and trails and ending when we coaxed a ranch-hand to give us feed for the llamas, swans, ducks, goats and sheep.

Persuasion is an art that can enhance any experience or relationship. It can gain that promotion or get you out of that speeding ticket. It’s the opposite of whining, demanding or acquiescing and it can be staggeringly effective. Here are the skills. Enjoy having the keys to the castle.

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1. Know that it’s not about you.

People think about themselves morning, noon and night. Their minds are on what they want, not what you want. So learn their quirks, desires, and fears. Be interested in what drives and excites them. Get their name right and use it often. If it’s difficult to pronounce have them spell it, they’ll light up. All of this allows you to find the hook in their psyche that can later be used to your purpose.

2. Make time.

The more time you spend with others, the more you’ll be trusted. Even if they dislike you in the beginning, they will thaw. Time does wonders.

3. Be likeable.

Smile genuinely, with your eyes and your whole face. Show delight when seeing them, even if you saw them yesterday. Turn your body fully toward them and acknowledge their presence. If you’re happy to see them then they’re happy to see you.

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4. Don’t criticize or complain about anything they say, do, or think.

No one will appreciate hearing “you’re wrong” and pointing out their mistakes to them will instantly make you an enemy. So you better stay away from criticism.

5. Appreciate and compliment them often, honestly.

Compliment their house, car or hair. Say something nice about something they care about and hold in high regard. If you hear them complaining don’t ignore it, agree and sympathize.

6. Listen and observe.

Encouraging them to talk about themselves allows you to learn their triggers. You will get better at knowing if they’re about to say “no”. Verbally expressing objection is a glandular, nervous and muscular act, your whole body does it and it’s hard to reverse. So if you observe them frowning or pursing their lips, change strategies before they speak.

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7. Make them say “yes”.

To anything: the weather, the ball game, whatever. This training keeps them saying yes, building a consistent habit of compliance and agreement to you.
When trying to get a “yes”, think of that person’s interests. What does your proposal offer them, personally or professionally? What will they gain? Make it apparent that it will benefit them and emphasize it all out of proportion.

8. Make the other person feel important.

In public, make them seem important. I was boarding a plane last year (heading to coach) and passed my parents sitting in first class. I froze, exclaiming “Oh my god, are you John Love?!? I’ve seen all your movies! I think you are the most important movie Director of our generation and I just love your work! Is this your wife? She is just gorgeous, you lucky dog. I can’t believe this is happening. Can I please, please have your autograph?” They were bombarded for the rest of the ride for autographs and pictures, the normally stoic first-class pleading for Hollywood gossip and scandal.

9. Give them something.

If you are admitting you’re wrong, do it quickly and emphatically. Gush it out. If saying “you’re welcome” add “I know you would do the same for me”. This works off the psychological principle of reciprocity. Tangible or intangible, giving something propels them to give in return. And keep giving.

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10. Create an opportunity for them to shine.

The person you’re persuading is an expert or has talent in something. Use it. Talk about the problem you are having out loud and ask if they have ever had a similar problem. Usually there is no need to ask for their assistance, they will fall all over themselves proving their expertise and skill. It will seem like their idea (from the start) to help you out. At this point, hang on every word and show wonder at what she or he can do. This allows the person to feel masterful, instead of being used for free services.

If you are a first time reader, there’s a chance you might now be a little disgusted. Repelled. You’re not a sycophant, kiss-a** or liar. I get it. However, the probability of your success rests on how honest you can make your interaction, not how much lying or deceit is dished out. So open yourself up, see your target and their world through their eyes. And allow the fun to begin!

Featured photo credit: Persuasion via 7373-presscdn-0-43-pagely.netdna-ssl.com

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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