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10 Vital Skills Only Persuasive People Secretly Know

10 Vital Skills Only Persuasive People Secretly Know

The other day I invited a friend to a not-so-well-known gem in my city. Now, Houston is not known for its majestic architecture or theological Mecca’s but this place was both. We parked in what looked like a movie; towering trees, lush grass and cobbled streets. Kerry the Librarian gave us the tour; theological books, ancient journals and Dead Sea Scroll fragments ensconced in soaring, fresco ceilings, iron chandeliers and high-backed armchairs. When she explained for the third time that only the chapel and library were open to the public, I knew it’d be a tough one.

Persuasion can be called many things: coaxing, coercion, the art of letting other people have your way. So I started; asking Kerry about herself, flirting with her. Finally, we had clearly won over the Librarian. We swayed all staff encountered, allowing us access to the lake, ranch, secret pathways and trails and ending when we coaxed a ranch-hand to give us feed for the llamas, swans, ducks, goats and sheep.

Persuasion is an art that can enhance any experience or relationship. It can gain that promotion or get you out of that speeding ticket. It’s the opposite of whining, demanding or acquiescing and it can be staggeringly effective. Here are the skills. Enjoy having the keys to the castle.

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1. Know that it’s not about you.

People think about themselves morning, noon and night. Their minds are on what they want, not what you want. So learn their quirks, desires, and fears. Be interested in what drives and excites them. Get their name right and use it often. If it’s difficult to pronounce have them spell it, they’ll light up. All of this allows you to find the hook in their psyche that can later be used to your purpose.

2. Make time.

The more time you spend with others, the more you’ll be trusted. Even if they dislike you in the beginning, they will thaw. Time does wonders.

3. Be likeable.

Smile genuinely, with your eyes and your whole face. Show delight when seeing them, even if you saw them yesterday. Turn your body fully toward them and acknowledge their presence. If you’re happy to see them then they’re happy to see you.

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4. Don’t criticize or complain about anything they say, do, or think.

No one will appreciate hearing “you’re wrong” and pointing out their mistakes to them will instantly make you an enemy. So you better stay away from criticism.

5. Appreciate and compliment them often, honestly.

Compliment their house, car or hair. Say something nice about something they care about and hold in high regard. If you hear them complaining don’t ignore it, agree and sympathize.

6. Listen and observe.

Encouraging them to talk about themselves allows you to learn their triggers. You will get better at knowing if they’re about to say “no”. Verbally expressing objection is a glandular, nervous and muscular act, your whole body does it and it’s hard to reverse. So if you observe them frowning or pursing their lips, change strategies before they speak.

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7. Make them say “yes”.

To anything: the weather, the ball game, whatever. This training keeps them saying yes, building a consistent habit of compliance and agreement to you.
When trying to get a “yes”, think of that person’s interests. What does your proposal offer them, personally or professionally? What will they gain? Make it apparent that it will benefit them and emphasize it all out of proportion.

8. Make the other person feel important.

In public, make them seem important. I was boarding a plane last year (heading to coach) and passed my parents sitting in first class. I froze, exclaiming “Oh my god, are you John Love?!? I’ve seen all your movies! I think you are the most important movie Director of our generation and I just love your work! Is this your wife? She is just gorgeous, you lucky dog. I can’t believe this is happening. Can I please, please have your autograph?” They were bombarded for the rest of the ride for autographs and pictures, the normally stoic first-class pleading for Hollywood gossip and scandal.

9. Give them something.

If you are admitting you’re wrong, do it quickly and emphatically. Gush it out. If saying “you’re welcome” add “I know you would do the same for me”. This works off the psychological principle of reciprocity. Tangible or intangible, giving something propels them to give in return. And keep giving.

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10. Create an opportunity for them to shine.

The person you’re persuading is an expert or has talent in something. Use it. Talk about the problem you are having out loud and ask if they have ever had a similar problem. Usually there is no need to ask for their assistance, they will fall all over themselves proving their expertise and skill. It will seem like their idea (from the start) to help you out. At this point, hang on every word and show wonder at what she or he can do. This allows the person to feel masterful, instead of being used for free services.

If you are a first time reader, there’s a chance you might now be a little disgusted. Repelled. You’re not a sycophant, kiss-a** or liar. I get it. However, the probability of your success rests on how honest you can make your interaction, not how much lying or deceit is dished out. So open yourself up, see your target and their world through their eyes. And allow the fun to begin!

Featured photo credit: Persuasion via 7373-presscdn-0-43-pagely.netdna-ssl.com

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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