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8 Struggles Only Parents With Difficult Kids Would Understand

8 Struggles Only Parents With Difficult Kids Would Understand

The excitement of having a child could wane when you are dealt with a child who breaks and stretches you. However, no one can ignore that there is beauty in being a parent. Whether you are pushed or not, every part of parenthood has to be accepted and appreciated! These are some things parents of difficult kids will understand.

They always feel responsible for the situation

They always believe they are at fault for their children being difficult. No matter how light people might try to paint the picture of their children’s troublesome nature, they know that it is something they will forever be stuck with. They think no one out there can understand their struggle except them.

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They will always receive advice from strangers

People are never short of advice for how they need to raise their kids. Most times, such advice is stern and solemn like, “Your child needs a really good spanking, so that they can learn what respect means.” It’s almost as if these people giving advice think you really do not know how to fulfill your job of parenting.

They are always your kids

It doesn’t matter how difficult they are, or how upbeat and tense they make you feel, they are still your kids. You will treat them the same way that other simple and respectful kids are treated. They are your responsibility, your excitement, and (sometimes) your pain, but you love them just the way they are.

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They receive sympathetic comments and glances

The truth is some people actually understand what you are going through. They have difficult children too. You’re not alone. They understand the challenge, terror, and pain your children may be causing you. They will be happy to give you a sad smile, or just scoff and look away while you continue to deal with the difficulties of making your child listen.

They understand the lines of success and failures

It is a success to be a parent, whether your kids are difficult or not. However, when you hear others term their roles as successful you feel your’s is more of a mixed blend. It is tough because parents of difficult kids deal more with failures of their children, rather than enjoying the success of being a parent. You have to get used to embracing failure as much as you embrace success.

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They learn every day

No parent learns harder or tougher than a parent with a difficult child. They are stuck with the attitude of always trying. They can’t quit. They just have to keep on going at their roles, whether it is in teaching, showing love, guiding, offering attention, and more. It is more of a continuous journey that doesn’t seem to end.

They will always compare themselves to others

It is hard not to envy other parents who have easy-going children. You wish your children were just like their’s. Parents of difficult children can get lost in their emotions. They might wish and hope that they were not in such shoes. Or they might want to be placed in a different and more positive situation instead.

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They are afraid of the future

They may not worry as much of the present, as they will of the future. They can handle the present the best way they can, but what about the future? They seem to ask a lot of questions regarding the future of their kids. They wonder, “What will become of their future?” In fact, they constantly live in dread of what their kids may turn out to be.

At the end of the day, being a parent is a proud thing. Difficult kids could become resolute, resilient, and determined. These are attitudes that could serve as strengths, when striving for success. It is important for us all to adjust our thinking and perception of difficult children. The world is a blend of all sorts, and they only add to this blend.

Featured photo credit: http://www.flickr.com via flickr.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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