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8 Struggles Only Parents With Difficult Kids Would Understand

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8 Struggles Only Parents With Difficult Kids Would Understand

The excitement of having a child could wane when you are dealt with a child who breaks and stretches you. However, no one can ignore that there is beauty in being a parent. Whether you are pushed or not, every part of parenthood has to be accepted and appreciated! These are some things parents of difficult kids will understand.

They always feel responsible for the situation

They always believe they are at fault for their children being difficult. No matter how light people might try to paint the picture of their children’s troublesome nature, they know that it is something they will forever be stuck with. They think no one out there can understand their struggle except them.

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They will always receive advice from strangers

People are never short of advice for how they need to raise their kids. Most times, such advice is stern and solemn like, “Your child needs a really good spanking, so that they can learn what respect means.” It’s almost as if these people giving advice think you really do not know how to fulfill your job of parenting.

They are always your kids

It doesn’t matter how difficult they are, or how upbeat and tense they make you feel, they are still your kids. You will treat them the same way that other simple and respectful kids are treated. They are your responsibility, your excitement, and (sometimes) your pain, but you love them just the way they are.

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They receive sympathetic comments and glances

The truth is some people actually understand what you are going through. They have difficult children too. You’re not alone. They understand the challenge, terror, and pain your children may be causing you. They will be happy to give you a sad smile, or just scoff and look away while you continue to deal with the difficulties of making your child listen.

They understand the lines of success and failures

It is a success to be a parent, whether your kids are difficult or not. However, when you hear others term their roles as successful you feel your’s is more of a mixed blend. It is tough because parents of difficult kids deal more with failures of their children, rather than enjoying the success of being a parent. You have to get used to embracing failure as much as you embrace success.

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They learn every day

No parent learns harder or tougher than a parent with a difficult child. They are stuck with the attitude of always trying. They can’t quit. They just have to keep on going at their roles, whether it is in teaching, showing love, guiding, offering attention, and more. It is more of a continuous journey that doesn’t seem to end.

They will always compare themselves to others

It is hard not to envy other parents who have easy-going children. You wish your children were just like their’s. Parents of difficult children can get lost in their emotions. They might wish and hope that they were not in such shoes. Or they might want to be placed in a different and more positive situation instead.

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They are afraid of the future

They may not worry as much of the present, as they will of the future. They can handle the present the best way they can, but what about the future? They seem to ask a lot of questions regarding the future of their kids. They wonder, “What will become of their future?” In fact, they constantly live in dread of what their kids may turn out to be.

At the end of the day, being a parent is a proud thing. Difficult kids could become resolute, resilient, and determined. These are attitudes that could serve as strengths, when striving for success. It is important for us all to adjust our thinking and perception of difficult children. The world is a blend of all sorts, and they only add to this blend.

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Featured photo credit: http://www.flickr.com via flickr.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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