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10 Struggles Only Insecure People Understand

10 Struggles Only Insecure People Understand

Have you ever felt insecure? By definition the word refers to a lack of self-confidence and an anxiety or uncertainty about oneself. Everyone has experienced days when they didn’t quite feel at their prime, and they looked at other people and wished they could be like them. Maybe they wished they could be that person with the longer legs, or bigger biceps, greater mathematical ability, or more money.

To some people these feelings are short-lived, self esteem returns and good days happen as often as the bad. Unfortunately, for other people, most days are insecure days. There are a few struggles only these kinds of insecure people will understand, and here are a few of them:

1.) You find embarrassing moments in front of random people unbearable

Tripping over in public isn’t a big deal to most people. No one knows you, and if anyone did see you, you’ll most likely never see them again anyway. However to an insecure person, this event could ruin the rest of their day, or even the rest of their week. Because of this it becomes very difficult for them to wake up optimistic, since from sunrise to sundown, they’re going to be thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong.

2.) You believe your mirror is the enemy

An insecure person feels uncomfortable in their own skin. Most wish they could be someone else; maybe someone more talented, prettier, skinnier, taller, more confident, or smarter. Their list of perceived imperfections is endless. To a person who is so unhappy within themselves, just looking in the mirror everyday is enough to upset them.

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3.) You never believe compliments

To an insecure person, everyone has an ulterior motive. This paranoia makes it difficult to accept compliments for what they are. The thoughts running through your mind are: “Why would they say that?” or “What do they want from me?”

It is difficult to accept compliments when a person is always suspicious as to why a person is being kind to them.

4.) You believe everything is a competition

It is very easy to become obsessive when you’re insecure, and suddenly every little thing in life becomes a competition. In addition to this, it is difficult for two insecure people to get along. One person will always try to position themselves above the other person in some way, and this can be very problematic.

It would not be surprising to see two insecure people arguing about who has a tougher job, simply because they want to be different and superior to the other person.

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5.) You find trying new things terrifying

Routine activities can be stressful enough, never mind trying new things. Insecure people have an immense fear of failure and embarrassment, and with trying new activities, there is a high chance of both these fears becoming a reality.

So when it comes to beginning new relationships, starting a new career or moving to a new town, things can get very uncomfortable for someone with insecurity.

6.) You annoy people with your negativity

It’s a sad reality but insecure people often annoy people with their negativity even without intending to. It’s hard to understand an insecure person’s logic and it becomes frustrating when no matter how much you try to uplift them, they still remain as pessimistic as ever.

But give them a break, it’s not easy for them to live with insecurity.

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7.) You’re paranoid about gossip

An insecure people will see a group of people talking and laughing and despite their best efforts, their first assumption is that they are the subject of gossip- even if they are assured otherwise. These people care a lot about what people think of them, but that’s not always a bad thing, right?

8.) You present a false exterior

Insecure people aren’t happy with the way they are, so it’s fair for them to assume that people won’t like who they really are either. This can drive them to put on a daily act, being someone who they think others want them to be. Imagine how exhausting it would be to act like a completely different person in front of everyone everyday.

9.) You find it hard to be honest

Insecure people will find it difficult to be honest for several reasons. For example, they will often say things that are untrue to impress other people, so others will have a higher opinion of them. Or they will tell a lie to hide something about themselves they find undesirable. Whatever the case, it is hard to be honest with others when you can’t even be honest with yourself.

10.) You find it hard to remember that insecurity can impact everyone

“You can have a perfectly horrible day where you doubt your talent… Or [think[ that you’re boring and they’re going to find out that you don’t know what you’re doing.” – Meryl Streep

“… [I] went to a shrink once. When I was about twenty-three I was very unhappy and, yes, self-obsessed and insecure.” – Helen Mirren

“I still doubt myself every single day. What people believe is my self-confidence is actually my reaction to fear.” – Will Smith

Even the big names are not immune to insecurity. It may surprise you that even celebrities are prone to feeling insecure. Living in stressful environments where every movement is monitored and criticized by the public can take a toll on anyone, and insecurity is a familiar feeling for most stars.

Featured photo credit: teenage confusion via flickr.com

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Elizabeth Andal

Elizabeth is a passionate writer who shares about lifestyle tips and lessons learned in life on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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