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8 Tips For Parents With Anxious Children

8 Tips For Parents With Anxious Children

Trying to raise a child in this hectic world is no easy task, and even the best of parents can get frustrated when faced with the unique challenges it presents. To further complicate things, it is quite common for children to experience bouts of low self-esteem, doubt, worry and even intense anxiety when faced with different challenges that life throws at them.

Sometimes, even things that seem fairly small and insignificant to the parent can trigger anxiety in a child, which can negatively affect different aspects of their life – e.g. anything form not being able to socialize properly with other kids or getting bad grades, to not eating right and losing sleep.

There is a right and a wrong way to deal with these types of situations, and depending on what you do, your child may slowly get better or have their anxieties take an even greater hold on them. If your child suffers from anxiety, be sure to try out these proven approaches.

1. Make them feel safe instead of telling them that everything is fine

Telling someone that things are fine and that everything’s going to be OK may very well cause them to feel even more anxious about the whole issue, and probably a little irritated by your half-hearted attempts to calm them down. But you don’t have to use any words at all, just let your actions speak.

If you know the root of your child’s problem, then take steps to resolve the issue – e.g. if cyber-bullying is a concern, you can give your child advice and help them tighten up their privacy and security settings on social media.

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2. Perform some breathing exercises with them when you sense anxiety coming on

Anxiety attacks can creep up on you and build up momentum as the mind focuses more and more on worries, and the heart rate starts skyrocketing. It’s easy to get overexcited and have that uneasy feeling of dread overcome you when your entire body is on high alert.

The simplest, and one of the most effective ways of bringing your mind down from DEFCON 1 to a more relaxed state, is through slow breathing exercises.

Even just five minutes of slow breathing can calm the mind enough for the logical part of the brain to take over.

3. Try to sympathize with your child and understand where they are coming from

It’s not always easy to understand why another person finds something upsetting or why someone gets stressed out over seemingly easy to fix things, particularly if there is a big age difference between you and said person.

However, instead of just blurting out, “I don’t understand why you are getting so upset”, you can take a moment to try and put yourself in the child’s shoes. Take a very stressful moment from your own life and imagine being in that state of fear.

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Only once you have adopted the right frame of mind should you approach your child and let them know that you understand that they are afraid, and that it is perfectly fine to feel that way from time to time.

4. Engage their imagination and take their mind off their worries for a moment

Letting your child know that it is safe to share how they feel and helping them calm down through breathing exercises is a good start, but it is important to take their mind away from the issue that is causing their anxiety if you want to break the self-perpetuating cycle of worry.

As long as they are focused on that single problem, they won’t be able to think rationally. Have your child accompany you on a mental journey to an interesting and relaxing location. Let him or her tell you about their ideal relaxing environment in some detail, and focus on the things that make the child feel safe and at ease – e.g. snow, ponies, sunshine, etc.

5. Explain the nature of anxiety and fear to your child from a scientific point of view

Children are incredibly receptive to logical explanations, and they love to learn about how things work. Of course, you need to learn a little bit about the psychological and biochemical side of things in order to effectively explain anxiety to your child.

It’s a good idea to get acquainted with how things look like from the perspective of a person with anxiety so that you can relate better, but focus on the science to make it seem less mysterious and to help them understand more clearly.

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6. Let your child know that you will be there for him or her when they need help

Now, anxiety doesn’t simply go away after you’ve calmed your child down and talked to them a couple of times – it will keep coming back when triggered by stressful events. This is why it is important to create an atmosphere of trust.

Your child has to know that he or she can talk to you about this sort of thing without you dismissing them, making light of their problems or getting angry because you don’t know how to help them.

Just knowing that they have someone they can talk to, someone that can help them push through anything without being overbearing or judgmental, will make a huge difference in how a child deals with their problems.

7. Teach your child to use logic

While having a shoulder to cry on is a great safety net, a child also needs to be able to take control of their emotions all on his or her own. There will be times when they might use breathing and imagination, as mentioned above, to weather the emotional storm, but it is also very important to have a way of dealing with anxiety as soon as you sense it rearing its ugly head.

The logical approach works well once a child has calmed down a bit using various methods, and it basically comes down to throwing intelligent retorts in the face of your negative inner voice.

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A negative thought may pass your mind, as something like, “All the other kids are cooler than me and don’t know how to talk to them”, would be met with, “Even the most popular kids make mistakes all the time, and even have people laugh at them, but everyone forgets about it quite soon”, and, “Just the other day I told a joke and a bunch of kids laughed and said I was funny, and I talked to Joanne and Tim about swimming in the ocean.”

8. Take the child out of his or her comfort zone gradually

If you only try to deal with anxiety whenever the child is having a panic attack, you’ll help them momentarily, but you won’t resolve the underlying issues or make any serious progress. Living with anxiety is like being in a constant state of dread and sadness, with emotional spikes that can be triggered by events, memories or words.

You need to find these triggers and learn what and why certain things make the child anxious. It is usually the fear of failure, fear of being mocked, fear of the unknown, and the perceived inability to change one’s circumstances all mixed into an ugly cocktail that causes a child a lot of problems.

When the child slowly starts facing their fears and learning to operate in situations they find uncomfortable, some of those fears will start to go away. Help your child get out of their comfort zone and develop the skills, coping mechanisms and mental tools that will allow them to perform under stress, and gradually stop feeling anxious about things that once used to make them freeze and hyperventilate.

These tactics have been proven to work quite well for helping children effectively deal with anxiety, both when it comes to calming them down when sensing an oncoming panic attack, and slowly getting rid of such feelings over time.

You’ll need to be patient and understanding, but you can make great progress with this kind of approach.

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Ivan Dimitrijevic

Ivan is the CEO and founder of a digital marketing company. He has years of experiences in team management, entrepreneurship and productivity.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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