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10 Reasons Why Book Lovers Are Good Lovers

10 Reasons Why Book Lovers Are Good Lovers

Book lovers are great lovers. People who love art, including books, are more attuned to the nuances of love making and what makes a person “tick.” They have several characteristics that distinguish them from people that rarely pick up a book to read. Most of all, they are able to stay in the moment and be fully present as they are generally more introverted.

According to both 2006 and 2009 studies published by Raymond Mar, a psychologist at York University in Canada, and Keith Oakley, a professor of cognitive psychology at the University of Toronto, people that enjoy reading might be more compassionate and have more empathy.The researchers used the term “theory of mind” to describe empathy as the ability to respect other people’s opinions, beliefs, and interests. This quality also makes them better lovers.

Another study in 2006 completed in Europe found that people that enjoy reading fiction throughout their lives also show better social skills and empathy, although the same study didn’t find the same results for people who read non-fiction primarily. Reading fiction can be compared to dating thousands of different characters.

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1. They are more in touch with their own emotions as well as their lover’s emotions.

Book lovers have a capacity for understanding emotions better as they have taken time, through reading books, to witness a variety of human emotions and grasp what their partners emotional needs are.

Love making is not just about the right technique or approach. Book lovers understand that human emotions are complex and have learned about the importance of emotions through reading books and identifying themselves with different characters. A key aspect of sexual power is emotional intimacy and being capable of compassion.

2. They are open-minded and willing to learn new things.

Book lovers are generally fascinated by other cultures, habits, and worldview. They are not afraid to try new things and that includes exploring new positions and new ways of relating to their lovers in a sensuous way. They are not afraid to explore uncharted territory.

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3. They are sensitive to their lovers’ needs.

Book lovers are more attuned to their lovers needs. Just think about Lady Chatterley’s lover. Words have power and we all want to be not just loved, but also understood. They inquire about their lovers’ needs and are willing to please them. They’ve learned what it means to be a man or a woman.

4. They are great listeners and communicators

Book lovers have acquired great language skills. They will write you great letters and even poems. They don’t just give short answers; they are capable of deep thoughts and profound theories.

5. They make time and don’t rush

Book lovers are able to stay in the moment and this is something that they had acquired from reading. Reading is based on being able to let go off other thoughts and focus on the story at hand. It is almost like they are in the story themselves. They are able to pay attention to all of the senses including touch, smell, taste, and voice. They are mindful and they may even have a meditation practice which helps them to be more mindful during love making.

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6. They are wise

Book lovers are not just smart, they are wise. They have acquired a skill of introspection through reading books. They can be witty and they have higher cognitive functions than the average non-reader. They are also capable of spotting patterns and are able to communicate more thoroughly and effectively.

7. They are great story tellers

Book lovers have great communications skills and vocabulary and they are able to create a loving and sensuous environment. They use images, senses, and symbols to heighten the senses and the experience of love making.

8. They are supportive and non-judgmental

Book lovers have learned that to be not just good but great lovers, they need to act more like their heroes in their books. They are generally supportive and non-judgmental, which is really important in love making. Lovers need to feel at ease with their bodies and their love making.

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9. They are generally non-materialistic and value art and the finer things in life

Book lovers know that there is much more to life than just acquiring money and assets. They love all kinds of art, including books and movies which makes them more appealing to their lovers. They have more depth and they are able to entertain their lovers by reading great quotes from their favorite authors. They may know about suffering and loss and they have found comfort in books.

10. They know themselves

Book lovers know what pleases them or displeases them. As a result, they are better able to express both their emotional and sexual needs. The language of love making includes thoughts and perceptions that unite rather than separate. Think of the metaphor “two hearts beating as one.”

Featured photo credit: Young man reading a book via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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