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12 Things Those Who Have A Strong Mom Will Understand

12 Things Those Who Have A Strong Mom Will Understand

I have a strong mom, and I feel blessed for it. Of course, there were times growing up when I wished she wouldn’t have been that way, but looking back, her strength as a parent has shaped me into the person that I am today. She always told us, “It’s a lot of hard work to be a good parent.” I didn’t know exactly what she meant until I had children of my own, but she’s right — being a good parent requires a lot of strength. She taught me many life lessons, and here are some of them.

Below are 12 things that only people with a strong mom would understand:

1. Doing things for other people isn’t always the best thing.

If we needed more ketchup at dinner, it didn’t even dawn on my sisters or me to ask my mom to get it for us. She would have looked at us like we had three heads and said, “Are your feet broken?” She made me realize that the world does not revolve around me. I don’t expect people to serve me. Instead, she taught me to take personal responsibility for my life.

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2. Strong people can admit when they are wrong.

My mom taught me that when you are so busy defending yourself and trying to prove that you are right, you don’t really do yourself any good. You can learn a lot from other people if you just listen. Of course, as teenagers, we don’t want to admit that we can actually learn from our parents. But not only do we learn from them, we can learn from everyone. You just have to set your ego aside long enough to make that happen.

3. We are all unique, special, and have our own life purpose.

Strong moms will acknowledge and teach you to love your uniqueness. Not everyone is born to be a supermodel. Or rocket scientist. Or a millionaire. Or even a mom. But everyone does have something unique and special to offer the world. A strong mom will not only make you realize that, she will help you figure out what your strengths are — even if you can’t. Then she encourages you to be the best you that you can be.

4. It’s okay to say no.

A lot of us are “people pleasers,” but a strong mom will tell you it’s okay to say no. You don’t have to say yes to things you don’t want to do! Being a “people-pleaser” doesn’t always make you happy . If you don’t really want to be the president of the PTO or run that marathon with your sister, don’t do it. I’m sure someone else will. Your sister will understand. Stay true to yourself as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else if you say no.

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5. It’s important to love yourself.

Your mom was the first person who loved you. A strong mom also shows you how much you are loved, and that you are worthy of love — especially self-love. It’s not egotistical to love yourself. In fact, it’s downright smart. The more you love yourself, the more love you can give to others.

6. It’s not selfish to put yourself first sometimes.

If you do nothing but give, and give, and give to other people, then your “tank” becomes empty. Eventually, your tank will run dry and you will not have anything left to give. A strong mom knows this and teaches us to take time out for ourselves to re-charge. Take that bath and sip your wine. Get that massage. Retreat to your room and read a good book. Have a girls’ night out. Whatever it takes to re-charge, go do it.

7. You are so much more than your body.

We live in a world that overvalues youth and beauty. The measure of a great person is not the number on the scale or of facial wrinkles. Strong moms know this and teach their children that they need to love their inner selves just as much, if not more, than their outer selves.

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8. It’s okay to walk away.

A strong mom knows that if a situation or a relationship isn’t serving your best interest (or the best interest of others), it’s okay to let it go. There is no reason to hold on to a “so-so” romantic relationship, job, friendship, etc. “just because.” Your life experiences should help you and other people learn and grow. But if it’s having the opposite effect, then it’s okay to walk away.

9. Never, ever, let yourself be disrespected.

As Dr. Phil always says, “You teach people how to treat you.” Strong moms teach their children to respect their parents, themselves, and everyone else in the world. Part of respecting yourself not letting anyone else disrespect you, to only tolerate kind behavior from others. If you find yourself in bad situation, then re-read #8 in this article.

10. Read people’s actions because that is how you see someone’s true self.

I had to learn this one the hard way. I’m sure my mom taught me this, but since her words and actions always matched, I just assumed everyone else’s did too. Instead of taking people’s words to heart, look at what they do. As the old saying goes… actions can speak louder than words.

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11. Keep your word.

Following #10, a strong mom teaches her children “If you say it … then do it.” Or, don’t say it. In other words, follow through with your actions. Your words are meaningless unless you back them up with your actions. Because after a while, no one will believe you if you don’t.

12. A parent’s job is to shape children into the best human beings possible.

I remember my mom always saying, “I don’t care if you like me. It’s not my job to be your best friend. It’s my job to be your mother.” That always stuck with me. And I think too many parents these days don’t say “no” to their children because they want their kids to like them. Strong moms know that if you do that, then your child will turn out to be a brat. The time to be friends with your children is when they are adults. And strong moms know that.

I am thankful I have a strong mom and I hope I am teaching my children how to be good parents some day, too. They will continue to bless the world for generations to come.

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

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2. Listen

Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

3. Become an Expert

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

4. Lead with Story

From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

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If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

5. Lead by Example

It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

6. Catch People Doing Good

A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

7. Be Effusive with Praise

It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

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Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

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10. Understand Your Lane

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

More Tips About Making Influence

Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

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