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12 Things Those Who Have A Strong Mom Will Understand

12 Things Those Who Have A Strong Mom Will Understand
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I have a strong mom, and I feel blessed for it. Of course, there were times growing up when I wished she wouldn’t have been that way, but looking back, her strength as a parent has shaped me into the person that I am today. She always told us, “It’s a lot of hard work to be a good parent.” I didn’t know exactly what she meant until I had children of my own, but she’s right — being a good parent requires a lot of strength. She taught me many life lessons, and here are some of them.

Below are 12 things that only people with a strong mom would understand:

1. Doing things for other people isn’t always the best thing.

If we needed more ketchup at dinner, it didn’t even dawn on my sisters or me to ask my mom to get it for us. She would have looked at us like we had three heads and said, “Are your feet broken?” She made me realize that the world does not revolve around me. I don’t expect people to serve me. Instead, she taught me to take personal responsibility for my life.

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2. Strong people can admit when they are wrong.

My mom taught me that when you are so busy defending yourself and trying to prove that you are right, you don’t really do yourself any good. You can learn a lot from other people if you just listen. Of course, as teenagers, we don’t want to admit that we can actually learn from our parents. But not only do we learn from them, we can learn from everyone. You just have to set your ego aside long enough to make that happen.

3. We are all unique, special, and have our own life purpose.

Strong moms will acknowledge and teach you to love your uniqueness. Not everyone is born to be a supermodel. Or rocket scientist. Or a millionaire. Or even a mom. But everyone does have something unique and special to offer the world. A strong mom will not only make you realize that, she will help you figure out what your strengths are — even if you can’t. Then she encourages you to be the best you that you can be.

4. It’s okay to say no.

A lot of us are “people pleasers,” but a strong mom will tell you it’s okay to say no. You don’t have to say yes to things you don’t want to do! Being a “people-pleaser” doesn’t always make you happy . If you don’t really want to be the president of the PTO or run that marathon with your sister, don’t do it. I’m sure someone else will. Your sister will understand. Stay true to yourself as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else if you say no.

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5. It’s important to love yourself.

Your mom was the first person who loved you. A strong mom also shows you how much you are loved, and that you are worthy of love — especially self-love. It’s not egotistical to love yourself. In fact, it’s downright smart. The more you love yourself, the more love you can give to others.

6. It’s not selfish to put yourself first sometimes.

If you do nothing but give, and give, and give to other people, then your “tank” becomes empty. Eventually, your tank will run dry and you will not have anything left to give. A strong mom knows this and teaches us to take time out for ourselves to re-charge. Take that bath and sip your wine. Get that massage. Retreat to your room and read a good book. Have a girls’ night out. Whatever it takes to re-charge, go do it.

7. You are so much more than your body.

We live in a world that overvalues youth and beauty. The measure of a great person is not the number on the scale or of facial wrinkles. Strong moms know this and teach their children that they need to love their inner selves just as much, if not more, than their outer selves.

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8. It’s okay to walk away.

A strong mom knows that if a situation or a relationship isn’t serving your best interest (or the best interest of others), it’s okay to let it go. There is no reason to hold on to a “so-so” romantic relationship, job, friendship, etc. “just because.” Your life experiences should help you and other people learn and grow. But if it’s having the opposite effect, then it’s okay to walk away.

9. Never, ever, let yourself be disrespected.

As Dr. Phil always says, “You teach people how to treat you.” Strong moms teach their children to respect their parents, themselves, and everyone else in the world. Part of respecting yourself not letting anyone else disrespect you, to only tolerate kind behavior from others. If you find yourself in bad situation, then re-read #8 in this article.

10. Read people’s actions because that is how you see someone’s true self.

I had to learn this one the hard way. I’m sure my mom taught me this, but since her words and actions always matched, I just assumed everyone else’s did too. Instead of taking people’s words to heart, look at what they do. As the old saying goes… actions can speak louder than words.

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11. Keep your word.

Following #10, a strong mom teaches her children “If you say it … then do it.” Or, don’t say it. In other words, follow through with your actions. Your words are meaningless unless you back them up with your actions. Because after a while, no one will believe you if you don’t.

12. A parent’s job is to shape children into the best human beings possible.

I remember my mom always saying, “I don’t care if you like me. It’s not my job to be your best friend. It’s my job to be your mother.” That always stuck with me. And I think too many parents these days don’t say “no” to their children because they want their kids to like them. Strong moms know that if you do that, then your child will turn out to be a brat. The time to be friends with your children is when they are adults. And strong moms know that.

I am thankful I have a strong mom and I hope I am teaching my children how to be good parents some day, too. They will continue to bless the world for generations to come.

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More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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