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10 Reasons Why Emotionally Intelligent People Are More Likely to Be Successful

10 Reasons Why Emotionally Intelligent People Are More Likely to Be Successful

Emotional intelligence is a basis requirement for success. It doesn’t offer the same results as IQ, and that was why when observed, it became the quality that distinguished the performance of those with an average IQ and those with the highest IQs. Emotional intelligence is a combination of two skills—personal and social competence—that brings about excellent results for success.

This soft skill, although so important to personal and professional success, has failed to be discussed appropriately and expansively. The results it provides are essential to adapting and thriving critically in life. Here are some things that cause the success of emotionally intelligent people.

1. They can manage healthy relationships.

Managing healthy relationships means that you can remain positive and calm regardless of the situation you are in. During setbacks or emotional outbursts from the person you are dealing with, you do not react but are understanding that there is a reason for such negative emotions. Emotionally intelligent people can relate with other people’s challenges and upheavals and see beyond their present state. Thus, they can make the best out of whatever relationship they are in.

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2. They are curious about the way others approach their lives.

They want to know why people live the way they do. Learning is important to an emotionally intelligent person. That is why they would go out of their way to meet new people and try to spark something interesting from a random discussion.

3. They want to experience the moment.

To an emotionally intelligent person there is nothing to live for in the past. What has happened before is gone and even the future is a dream. They do well to focus on the present and how they can manage their present situations positively.

4. They are calm during tough situations.

While others panic and fret when faced with crisis, the emotionally intelligent person is balanced, confident and assured. They can manage tough situations because they demonstrate a leadership attitude of being confident. Thus they do not display a sense of insecurity or impulsiveness when pushed to take charge of a situation.

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5. They can understand other people’s emotion.

Emotionally intelligent people are active listeners and observers. They are not simply passive but have an understanding of different personality types. With such knowledge they can understand why people act the way they do.

6. They focus on personal development.

They know that they are not a finished product. They want to constantly improve every facet of their lives whether it is their career, relationships or character. Emotionally intelligent people know the reason why they have to make continuous progress and never be stagnated.

7. They are self aware.

They know their strengths and flaws and how to manage them both to become excellent at what they love doing. Not all things will make you great or are suitable for you; emotionally intelligent are focused on tiny bits of their lives that need to be polished and improved.

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8. They are not distracted by external influences.

It is not as if emotionally intelligent people are not attentive to what is said or done in their environment, whether from their peers, friends or relatives. Rather, listening to these things doesn’t define what actions they will take because they will ultimately search for purpose, solutions and consolidations from within.

9. They are emotionally tuned to everyone.

You can relate with people’s setbacks and you are deeply concerned about their problems or challenges. Even if they haven’t experienced such difficulties, they are not emotionally distant. They can perceive and understand other people’s struggles.

10. They can communicate their emotions.

They do not hold back or store any negative emotion. They are quick to channel how and what they feel to other people. Thus they are able to handle issues head on without giving a cause for delay or allowing such issues to linger on.

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Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on July 17, 2019

The Science of Setting Goals (And How It Affects Your Brain)

The Science of Setting Goals (And How It Affects Your Brain)

What happens in our heads when we set goals?

Apparently a lot more than you’d think.

Goal setting isn’t quite so simple as deciding on the things you’d like to accomplish and working towards them.

According to the research of psychologists, neurologists, and other scientists, setting a goal invests ourselves into the target as if we’d already accomplished it. That is, by setting something as a goal, however small or large, however near or far in the future, a part of our brain believes that desired outcome is an essential part of who we are – setting up the conditions that drive us to work towards the goals to fulfill the brain’s self-image.

Apparently, the brain cannot distinguish between things we want and things we have. Neurologically, then, our brains treat the failure to achieve our goal the same way as it treats the loss of a valued possession. And up until the moment, the goal is achieved, we have failed to achieve it, setting up a constant tension that the brain seeks to resolve.

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Ideally, this tension is resolved by driving us towards accomplishment. In many cases, though, the brain simply responds to the loss, causing us to feel fear, anxiety, even anguish, depending on the value of the as-yet-unattained goal.

Love, Loss, Dopamine, and Our Dreams

The brains functions are carried out by a stew of chemicals called neurotransmitters. You’ve probably heard of serotonin, which plays a key role in our emotional life – most of the effective anti-depressant medications on the market are serotonin reuptake inhibitors, meaning they regulate serotonin levels in the brain leading to more stable moods.

Somewhat less well-known is another neurotransmitter, dopamine. Among other things, dopamine acts as a motivator, creating a sensation of pleasure when the brain is stimulated by achievement. Dopamine is also involved in maintaining attention – some forms of ADHD are linked to irregular responses to dopamine.[1]

So dopamine plays a key role in keeping us focused on our goals and motivating us to attain them, rewarding our attention and achievement by elevating our mood. That is, we feel good when we work towards our goals.

Dopamine is related to wanting – to desire. The attainment of the object of our desire releases dopamine into our brains and we feel good. Conversely, the frustration of our desires starves us of dopamine, causing anxiety and fear.

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One of the greatest desires is romantic love – the long-lasting, “till death do us part” kind. It’s no surprise, then, that romantic love is sustained, at least in part, through the constant flow of dopamine released in the presence – real or imagined – of our true love. Loss of romantic love cuts off that supply of dopamine, which is why it feels like you’re dying – your brain responds by triggering all sorts of anxiety-related responses.

Herein lies obsession, as we go to ever-increasing lengths in search of that dopamine reward. Stalking specialists warn against any kind of contact with a stalker, positive or negative, because any response at all triggers that reward mechanism. If you let the phone ring 50 times and finally pick up on the 51st ring to tell your stalker off, your stalker gets his or her reward, and learns that all s/he has to do is wait for the phone to ring 51 times.

Romantic love isn’t the only kind of desire that can create this kind of dopamine addiction, though – as Captain Ahab (from Moby Dick) knew well, any suitably important goal can become an obsession once the mind has established ownership.

The Neurology of Ownership

Ownership turns out to be about a lot more than just legal rights. When we own something, we invest a part of ourselves into it – it becomes an extension of ourselves.

In a famous experiment at Cornell University, researchers gave students school logo coffee mugs, and then offered to trade them chocolate bars for the mugs. Very few were willing to make the trade, no matter how much they professed to like chocolate. Big deal, right? Maybe they just really liked those mugs![2]

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But when they reversed the experiment, handing out chocolate and then offering to trade mugs for the candy, they found that now, few students were all that interested in the mugs. Apparently the key thing about the mugs or the chocolate wasn’t whether students valued whatever they had in their possession, but simply that they had it in their possession.

This phenomenon is called the “endowment effect”. In a nutshell, the endowment effect occurs when we take ownership of an object (or idea, or person); in becoming “ours” it becomes integrated with our sense of identity, making us reluctant to part with it (losing it is seen as a loss, which triggers that dopamine shut-off I discussed above).

Interestingly, researchers have found that the endowment effect doesn’t require actual ownership or even possession to come into play. In fact, it’s enough to have a reasonable expectation of future possession for us to start thinking of something as a part of us – as jilted lovers, gambling losers, and 7-year olds denied a toy at the store have all experienced.

The Upshot for Goal-Setters

So what does all this mean for would-be achievers?

On one hand, it’s a warning against setting unreasonable goals. The bigger the potential for positive growth a goal has, the more anxiety and stress your brain is going to create around it’s non-achievement.

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It also suggests that the common wisdom to limit your goals to a small number of reasonable, attainable objectives is good advice. The more goals you have, the more ends your brain thinks it “owns” and therefore the more grief and fear the absence of those ends is going to cause you.

On a more positive note, the fact that the brain rewards our attentiveness by releasing dopamine means that our brain is working with us to direct us to achievement. Paying attention to your goals feels good, encouraging us to spend more time doing it. This may be why outcome visualization — a favorite technique of self-help gurus involving imagining yourself having completed your objectives — has such a poor track record in clinical studies. It effectively tricks our brain into rewarding us for achieving our goals even though we haven’t done it yet!

But ultimately, our brain wants us to achieve our goals, so that it’s a sense of who we are that can be fulfilled. And that’s pretty good news!

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Featured photo credit: Alexa Williams via unsplash.com

Reference

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