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7 Things You Shouldn’t Say To Your Unemployed Friends

7 Things You Shouldn’t Say To Your Unemployed Friends

Unemployment should be addressed carefully. Most people who are unemployed are not so because it’s their first choice, and it is therefore a sensitive subject. While it’s great to be there for your friends, there are some things that aren’t okay to say to them about their unemployment situation.

1. “You must have tons of free time now.”

There is a 99.99% chance that the person you’re talking to would much rather be using that time to earn a paycheck. While it can be tempting to say this in an attempt to look on the bright side and make your friend feel better, you should avoid bringing free time up at all. That free time is most likely becoming suffocating and very boring, so try to keep this out of the conversation. Similarly, don’t complain about how busy you are. Your friend probably understands that you’re busier because of your job, but mentioning it would seem rude.

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2. “Maybe you’re just not doing…”

If you have good suggestions as to where your friend might be able to find employment, that’s great. But it’s inappropriate to say that he’s doing something wrong or that he’s not doing something that he should be doing. That just places blame on your friend, and that’s definitely not something he needs right now.

3. “One of my friends was in this situation and she did this… you should try it!”

It’s very likely that your recently unemployed friend has a completely different skill-set than your currently employed friend. Whatever your employed friend did worked for her because of a specific set of circumstances, including her contacts, skills, education level, and location. Your unemployed friend is in a completely different situation, so it’s unfair to think that telling him about your other friend would be helpful. It actually turns out to be more discouraging, as it seems the other friend is simply more successful.

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4. “So how is the job hunt going?”

Every so often, it’s great to check in on your friend and see how he’s coming along. But asking repeatedly about his job search will just force your friend to say over and over again that it’s not going well. That isn’t a position you want to put your friend in. After a while, let your friend approach you about the topic.

5. “You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with this at work.”

No matter how bad your day at work was, don’t compare your fortune with your friend’s. While it may be that you wish you didn’t have to deal with something or someone at work, you’re still fortunate to have a job. Your friend is not likely to find himself fortunate that he doesn’t have to deal with something because he doesn’t have a job.

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6. “Don’t worry, I’ll get this.”

It is likely that your friend isn’t making any money at the moment, but offering too often to pay for the tab would seem patronizing, even if that’s not how you meant it at all. There is a fine line between offering to help someone out and doing it to the extent that it bothers that person. If your friend needs help, he’ll ask.

7. “I know how you feel.”

If you are not currently unemployed, don’t say this. Don’t even think it. Your friend is in a unique set of circumstances. While it’s good to talk with your friend and try to understand what he’s going through, you’re not in a position to truly know what he’s experiencing. Saying that you know how he feels simply trivializes his situation and makes you seem out of touch with how hard it really is to be unemployed.

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Featured photo credit: Scott Kellum via photpin.com

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Last Updated on July 16, 2019

7 Powerful Habits To Win In Office Politics

7 Powerful Habits To Win In Office Politics

Office politics – a taboo word for some people. It’s a pervasive thing at the workplace.

In its simplest form, workplace politics is simply about the differences between people at work; differences in opinions, conflicts of interests are often manifested as office politics. It all goes down to human communications and relationships.

There is no need to be afraid of office politics. Top performers are those who have mastered the art of winning in office politics. Below are 7 good habits to help you win at the workplace:

1. Be Aware You Have a Choice

The most common reactions to politics at work are either fight or flight. It’s normal human reaction for survival in the wild, back in the prehistoric days when we were still hunter-gatherers.

Sure, the office is a modern jungle, but it takes more than just instinctive reactions to win in office politics. Instinctive fight reactions will only cause more resistance to whatever you are trying to achieve; while instinctive flight reactions only label you as a pushover that people can easily take for granted. Neither options are appealing for healthy career growth.

Winning requires you to consciously choose your reactions to the situation. Recognize that no matter how bad the circumstances, you have a choice in choosing how you feel and react. So how do you choose? This bring us to the next point…

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2. Know What You Are Trying to Achieve

When conflicts happen, it’s very easy to be sucked into tunnel-vision and focus on immediate differences. That’s a self-defeating approach. Chances are, you’ll only invite more resistance by focusing on differences in people’s positions or opinions.

The way to mitigate this without looking like you’re fighting to emerge as a winner in this conflict is to focus on the business objectives. In the light of what’s best for the business, discuss the pros and cons of each option. Eventually, everyone wants the business to be successful; if the business don’t win, then nobody in the organization wins.

It’s much easier for one to eat the humble pie and back off when they realize the chosen approach is best for the business.

By learning to steer the discussion in this direction, you will learn to disengage from petty differences and position yourself as someone who is interested in getting things done. Your boss will also come to appreciate you as someone who is mature, strategic and can be entrusted with bigger responsibilities.

3. Focus on Your Circle of Influence

At work, there are often issues which we have very little control over. It’s not uncommon to find corporate policies, client demands or boss mandates which affects your personal interests.

Gossiping and complaining are common responses to these events that we cannot control. But think about it, other than that short term emotional outlet, what tangible results do gossiping really accomplish? In most instances, none.

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Instead of feeling victimized and angry about the situation, focus on the things that you can do to influence the situation — your circle of influence. This is a very empowering technique to overcome the feeling of helplessness. It removes the victimized feeling and also allows others to see you as someone who knows how to operate within given constraints.

You may not be able to change or decide on the eventual outcome but, you can walk away knowing that you have done the best within the given circumstances.

Constraints are all around in the workplace; with this approach, your boss will also come to appreciate you as someone who is understanding and positive.

4. Don’t Take Sides

In office politics, it is possible to find yourself stuck in between two power figures who are at odds with each other. You find yourself being thrown around while they try to outwit each other and defend their own position; all at the expense of you getting the job done. You can’t get them to agree on a common decision for a project, and neither of them want to take ownership of issues; they’re too afraid they’ll get stabbed in the back for any mishaps.

In cases like this, focus on the business objectives and don’t take side with either of them – even if you like one better than the other. Place them on a common communication platform and ensure open communications among all parties, so that no one can claim “I didn’t say that”.

By not taking sides, you’ll help to direct conflict resolution in an objective manner. You’ll also build trust with both parties. That’ll help to keep the engagements constructive and focus on business objectives.

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5. Don’t Get Personal

In office politics, you’ll get angry with people. It happens. There will be times when you feel the urge to give that person a piece of your mind and teach him a lesson. Don’t.

People tend to remember moments when they were humiliated or insulted. Even if you win this argument and get to feel really good about it for now, you’ll pay the price later when you need help from this person. What goes around comes around, especially at the workplace.

To win in the office, you’ll want to build a network of allies which you can tap into. The last thing you want during a crisis or an opportunity is to have someone screw you up because they harbor ill-intentions towards you – all because you’d enjoyed a brief moment of emotional outburst at their expense.

Another reason to hold back your temper is your career advancement. Increasingly, organizations are using 360 degree reviews to promote someone. Even if you are a star performer, your boss will have to fight a political uphill battle if other managers or peers see you as someone who is difficult to work with. The last thing you’ll want is to make it difficult for your boss to champion you for a promotion.

6. Seek to Understand, Before Being Understood

The reason people feel unjustified is because they felt misunderstood. Instinctively, we are more interested in getting the others to understand us than to understand them first. Top people managers and business leaders have learned to suppress this urge.

Surprisingly, seeking to understand is a very disarming technique. Once the other party feels that you understand where he/she is coming from, they will feel less defensive and be open to understand you in return. This sets the stage for open communications to arrive at a solution that both parties can accept.

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Trying to arrive at a solution without first having this understanding is very difficult – there’s little trust and too much second-guessing.

7. Think Win-Win

As mentioned upfront, political conflicts happen because of conflicting interests. Perhaps due to our schooling, we are taught that to win, someone else needs to lose. Conversely, we are afraid to let someone else win, because it implies losing for us.

In business and work, that doesn’t have to be the case.

Learn to think in terms of “how can we both win out of this situation?” This requires that you first understand the other party’s perspective and what’s in it for him.

Next, understand what’s in it for you. Strive to seek out a resolution that is acceptable and beneficial to both parties. Doing this will ensure that everyone truly commit to the agreed resolution and will not pay only lip-service to it.

People simply don’t like to lose. You may get away with win-lose tactics once or twice but very soon, you’ll find yourself without allies in the workplace.

Thinking win-win is an enduring strategy that builds allies and help you win in the long term.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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