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Be Confident In A Way Most People Don’t Know

Be Confident In A Way Most People Don’t Know

Last week the world was shocked and saddened by the suicide of Robin Williams. Since then the social media outlets have been blowing up with posts with people expressing their sadness and sharing some of his moments that are meaningful to them. What has also received a great deal of attention is the topic of suicide.

Though I’ve been studying people for 13 years, suicide is something I know very little about; so in no way, shape, or form am I trying share expertise on the subject. I can empathize a bit. I have a very Expressive Style and that means I can be very emotional and very assertive. This Style also comes with a roller coaster of attitudes and emotions that present great opportunities, but if left unmanaged, can create some real challenges. July of 2004 was probably the most challenging month of my life. I lived three hours from family and friends, my girlfriend and I broke up, and I got hustled by a roommate and was broke. Was I depressed?  I can’t say for sure. Was I suicidal? I don’t believe so, however I remember sitting in my apartment feeling alone and ashamed, and thinking to myself “I can totally get why people kill themselves, because this sucks.”

There are people out there who unfortunately experience legitimate depression and then there is a whole other group of people who find themselves in mental and/or emotional funks they can’t shake. The more I studied people the more I tried to zone in on what motivates them. I quickly realized that people can have all the goals, potential, and talent in the world, but if they don’t have confidence, they will likely never have the life they want to have. I began getting very curious about the concept of confidence and I started asking the question “If people aren’t confident, what are they?” The answer I’ve settled on is: Insecure. I define insecurity as any thought or feeling we have that is negative, either toward ourselves or the world around us. This could be stress, worry, fear, anxiety, regret, anger, jealousy, sadness, shame and the list goes on and on. In my opinion, insecurity is a disease, but instead of killing us, it just makes our lives suck until we die.

I look at confidence and insecurity as two different roads.

The Confident Road

The confident road is smooth and efficient. It’s a beautiful day and the driving conditions are perfect. The cruise control is set, windows are down, and your favorite song is on the radio. Your passengers are great company and everyone else you encounter is friendly. You consistently reach your destinations with no problems because the directions and signs are clear. You arrive feeling great without a worry in the world.

The Insecure Road

The insecure road is not smooth and efficient. There are times when the days are beautiful and conditions are perfect, but they can quickly and violently change leaving you looking for a ditch or an overpass for protection. The road is windy and bumpy, changes directions frequently, and the signs are not always clear or accurate. The people you encounter are not always friendly or helpful and your passengers are “backseat drivers” always criticizing you and making you second guess where you are going. The ride can be very uncomfortable and if you are lucky enough to reach your destination, you do so feeling confused, anxious, stressed, and worn down.

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Which road do you want to be on?

In his Hierarchy of Needs, Abraham Maslow says that insecurity may hold us back from developing healthy relationships, keep us from developing the self-esteem needed to achieve our goals and prevent us from realizing our passion and potential in the world.

When you start to understand confidence and insecurity, you start to realize how big of an issue this really is. Millions and millions of people are not living the lives they want to live because they are insecure. That is a tragedy!

I think so many people experience insecurity for three reasons:

We Are Confused

We get hammered with thousands and thousands of messages every single day, most of which don’t have our best interest in mind. Simply, we are not focused on the right things.

We Aren’t Taught Self-Respect

We are taught to respect, be good to, and take care of everyone else, but how many of you were taught to respect, be good to, and take care of yourself? We aren’t proactively taught this, so we don’t know how to. We aren’t taught what self-respect means. We aren’t taught to set healthy boundaries that we must project. We aren’t taught to think about what kind of life we deserve? We are taught to put everybody else first and that thinking about ourselves is selfish.

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We Lack Self-Awareness and Self-Management

You can’t manage what you aren’t aware of and because we aren’t taught to think about our self, we aren’t aware of our self. I train leaders all over the country and without any hesitation I have no problem telling them that a lack of self-management will be the difference between them being a great leader or a bad memory.  Personally, I realize that I am more sensitive and insecure when I don’t get enough sleep and I don’t exercise on a regular basis. Because I have self-awareness, when I feel negativity I am quick to take a step back and adjust my world accordingly to get back on track. You must get to know yourself so you can manage yourself.

To close, I want to remind you of a few concepts you must become familiar with to gain the confidence you need to live the life you want to live.

Self-Awareness

Above anything else, Self-Awareness might be the most important skill you can learn. Google defines Self-Awareness as:“conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.” I define it as knowing who you are and where you are going. What is important and meaningful to you? What excites you about the world? What do you expect of yourself and the world around you? What do you really want to do? What do you want your life to look like? What do you need to accomplish to fulfill your vision? What is your plan to accomplish your goals and vision?

When you know who you are, where you are going, and how you are going to get there, you eliminate a lot of the uncertainty and confusion that leave people feeling insecure.

Self-Awareness is knowing who you are, where you are going, and having a plan to get there. There is no uncertainty or confusion because your vision, plan, and how you organize your life is based on your values, passions, and things that are meaningful to you. You will never find any greater motivation than this to help you keep thriving forward!

Self-Respect & Self-Worth

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? When you think about your life and what you want out of it, what do you feel? Are you motivated or discouraged?

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While growing up it is beaten in to our heads how important it is that we have respect for people and things and the better we can do this the easier our life will be. However, I don’t remember at any point in my life anyone teaching me that the first person I needed to respect was myself. Yes, I was probably more insecure than the average kid, but I was so busy kissing everyone else’s behind and seeking approval and validation that I never thought about what I deserved. As a result I was very amiable with the world around me. Most of the time I just went with the flow and I was never too assertive.  If I felt what I was going to say or do was going to hurt or upset someone, I didn’t say it even when I was in the right or at a disadvantage. I didn’t understand self-respect and self-worth. You must.

Understanding self-respect and self-worth is your best defense against the world around you. They create much needed boundaries that will keep things out of your life that will keep you surviving rather than thriving. They protect your self-esteem, confidence, and attitude. People who understand self-respect and self-worth are more confident and they are less likely to tolerate being bullied by people or the world around them.

Self-Confidence

Google defines self-confidence as “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment”You must trust and believe in your abilities! Self-Confidence is the opposite of insecurity. When you are confident, you are not insecure and when you are insecure, you aren’t confident.

What is confidence? A 2009 Psychology Today article titled The Key to Confidence says:

“Confidence is our greatest personal resource. With it, we can face any situation knowing we can handle it. Without it, we are destined to suffer.”

A 2013 article on HuffingtonPost.com titled What is Confidence, Really? states:

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“Owning it. When you’re “owning it,” it means that you’re totally and completely at peace with who you are in every moment, interaction and experience. You make no apologies for being awkward, nervous, excited, loud, soft spoken or other… you’re just you. You radiate charismatic energy whether or not you have an extroverted personality because you are genuinely content with yourself and your present experience.”

In an AskMen.com article titled What Does Confidence Mean?, they say:

“Confidence is an attitude, a demeanor of coolness, a “swagger,” if you will. Confidence is not something that you can wear like a T-shirt or a gold watch, but it is something that can be enhanced by putting on a fresh, crisp new item of clothing or by putting a little extra effort into your physical appearance. It’s a certain pep in your step. A way of walking. A contagious charisma.”

A PowertoChange.com article titled You Can Be More Confident talks about confident women:

“There are few things more beautiful on a person than confidence. Women who wear it radiate strength, passion and conviction. It contributes more to a look than a designer label or the perfect diamond. When a woman knows who she is, why she is and what she’s supposed to do, she may be dressed in thrift store specials and be absolutely gorgeous.
A confident woman is not afraid to be herself. Plain and simple and beautiful, or flamboyant and fabulous. The key is: she knows who she is. She understands her purpose, and her gifts. She knows that there are certain things only she can contribute to this world, at this time, in this place.
She knows her style. It doesn’t matter whether you prefer zebra stripes and pink fur, or to be cloaked in grays and subtle greens. Whether you like volleyball or Victorian teas. Shopping or hiking. Or all of the above. What is most important is to be you.”

I want you to be on the confident road. I want you to have unshakable self-awareness, self-respect, self-worth, and self-confidence.

You must put the focus on your self. That doesn’t mean be selfish or act like a narcissist. The reality is, if you don’t look out for you, no one else will. If you are having trouble managing and concurring your insecurities, admit them, and get help. Talk to friends, seek out a mentor, or visit a counselor.  Little insecurities can easy morph into big ones and you don’t want that. You don’t deserve that!

Find and embrace the confident you!

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Last Updated on January 13, 2020

50 Motivational Quotes for Work to Inspire Success

50 Motivational Quotes for Work to Inspire Success

Let’s face it – no matter how excited you are about a new project or priority in your life, there will always be days when your motivation lags. Days when – despite all the progress you’ve made in the past – it just sounds easier to sit on the couch playing video games than to buckle down and crank out the work needed to meet your goals.

In order to be successful, you must be able to motivate yourself past these humps. Whenever you feel your drive and determination lagging, turn to these motivational quotes for work to provide the extra spark of passion needed to keep you on track.

Quotes about Goal Setting

Whether you’re still in the planning phases of your business or whether you’re plotting a plan of attack to bring about your long-range vision, setting good goals is a critical part of succeeding in business.

Check out these quotes for extra inspiration on how to turn your dreams into reality:

quote-Benjamin-E.-Mays-the-tragedy-in-life-doesnt-lie-in-106113

    “The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.”– Benjamin Mays


    “By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands — your own.”–Mark Victor Hansen


    “Give yourself an even greater challenge than the one you are trying to master and you will develop the powers necessary to overcome the original difficulty.”–William J. Bennett – The Book of Virtues


    “The entrepreneur is essentially a visualizer and actualizer… He can visualize something, and when he visualizes it he sees exactly how to make it happen.”–Robert L. Schwartz

    Quotes about Achieving Excellence in Work

    Once you’ve got your goals together, you’ll need to put in 110% of your effort in order to transform these visions into reality. To increase your motivation to work at a consistently high level, take a look at the following words of wisdom:

    “Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”–Aristotle


    “If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.”–Charles R. Swindoll

    Desire is the key to motivation

      “Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal — a commitment to excellence — that will enable you to attain the success you seek.”–Mario Andretti


      “The secret of joy in work is contained in one word – excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.”–Pearl Buck


      “The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.”–Vince Lombardi

      Quotes about Determination and Persistence

      Since every business or other endeavor is bound to hit some rough patches, it’s often a person’s level of determination and patience that brings about either success or failure. These positive quotes give you an extra boost of encouragement:

      “Enter every activity without giving mental recognition to the possibility of defeat. Concentrate on your strengths, instead of your weaknesses… on your powers, instead of your problems.”–Paul J. Meyer


      “Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.”–Hal Borland


      “Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”–Calvin Coolidge

      quote-Thomas-Fuller-an-invincible-determination-can-accomplish-almost-anything-92190

        “An invincible determination can accomplish almost anything and in this lies the great distinction between great men and little men.”–Thomas Fuller

        Quotes about Leadership

        Whether you use it to engage your employees, to encourage teamwork or motivate others to follow your unique way of thinking, leadership is crucial. Take your leadership cues from these renowned leaders’ famous sayings:

        “The most dangerous leadership myth is that leaders are born — that there is a genetic factor to leadership. This myth asserts that people simply either have certain charismatic qualities or not. That’s nonsense; in fact, the opposite is true. Leaders are made rather than born.” –Warren G. Bennis


        “All of the great leaders have had one characteristic in common: it was the willingness to confront unequivocally the major anxiety of their people in their time. This, and not much else, is the essence of leadership.”–John Kenneth Galbraith

        Leadership is not magnetic personality

          “Leadership is not magnetic personality — that can just as well be a glib tongue. It is not ‘making friends and influencing people’ — that is flattery. Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to high sights, the raising of a person’s performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations.”–Peter F. Drucker


          “The task of leadership is not to put greatness into people, but to elicit it, for the greatness is there already.”–John Buchan


          “High sentiments always win in the end. The leaders who offer blood, toil, tears and sweat always get more out of their followers than those who offer safety and a good time. When it comes to the pinch, human beings are heroic.”–George Orwell

          Quotes for Success

          Think of success as a holistic process – one which results from the combination of goal-setting, excellence, patience, determination and leadership you prioritize throughout your career. These highly successful people provide you with an excellent source of motivation:

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          “Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it’s holy ground. There’s no greater investment.”–Stephen Covey


          “Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”–Norman Vincent Peale

          Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

            “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”–Winston Churchill


            “Successful and unsuccessful people do not vary greatly in their abilities. They vary in their desires to reach their potential.”–John Maxwell


            “Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It’s quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn’t at all. You can be discouraged by failure or you can learn from it, So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because remember that’s where you will find success.”– Thomas J. Watson


            “The great successful men of the world have used their imagination.  They think ahead and create their mental picture in all its details, filling in here, adding a little there, altering this a bit and that a bit, but steadily building – steadily building.”–Robert Collier


            “It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it.”–Arnold Toynbee

            Sports Quotes for Athletes

            You don’t need to be a Michael Jordan-caliber athlete to draw inspiration from the following quotes. Even if you’re just a recreational player or someone who’s using sports as a means to get back in shape after long periods of inactivity, the following motivational sports quotes will encourage you:

            “My attitude is that if you push me towards something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength.”–Michael Jordan


            “Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”–Lance Armstrong

            Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths.

              “Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”–Arnold Schwarzenegger


              “I know what I have to do, and I’m going to do whatever it takes. If I do it, I’ll come out a winner, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else does.”–Florence Griffith Joyner


              “Every time you stay out late; every time you sleep in; every time you miss a workout; every time you don’t give 100% – You make it that much easier for me to beat you.”–Unknown


              “If you are hurt, whether in mind or body, don’t nurse your bruises. Get up and light-heartedly, courageously, good temperedly get ready for the next encounter. This is the only way to take life – this is also ‘playing’ the game!”–Emily Post


              “We must train from the inside out. Using our strengths to attack and nullify any weaknesses. It’s not about denying a weakness may exist but about denying its right to persist.”–Vince McConnell

              Quotes to Motivate Learning

              Committing yourself to pursuing knowledge in a single area is a tremendous endeavor – one that often seems overwhelming given the depth and breadth of information that’s available today. Keep the following motivational quotes in mind if you’re learning:

              “How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.”–George Washington Carver

              quote-William-Arthur-Ward-if-you-can-imagine-it-you-can-36189

                “If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.”–William Arthur Ward


                “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”– Aristotle


                “Success is not the key to happiness.Happiness is the key to success.If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”–Albert Schweitzer


                “Wear your learning, like your watch, in a private pocket: and do not pull it out and strike it, merely to show that you have one.”–Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield


                “He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.”–Chinese Proverb


                “Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing.”–William Arthur Ward


                “Books can be dangerous. The best ones should be labeled ‘This could change your life’.”–Helen Exley


                “A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.”–Chinese Proverb

                All-Time Favorite Positive Quotes

                Finally, whatever your goals are in life, you can’t go wrong by taking the advice of the following famous motivational quotes:

                “Change your thoughts and you change your world.”–Norman Vincent Peale


                “Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drowned your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”–Steve Jobs


                “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”–Maria Robinson


                “Out of clutter, find Simplicity. From discord, find Harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies Opportunity.”–Albert Einstein


                “Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.”–Lyndon Johnson

                If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.

                  “If we did all the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves.”–Thomas Edison


                  “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”–Wayne Gretzky


                  “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”–Winston Churchill


                  “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”–Ralph Waldo Emerson

                  Final Thoughts

                  To use these motivational quotes effectively, find the one that speaks to you. Although all of the phrases listed above can be considered “motivational,” only you can decide which one resonates with you most directly.

                  Next, take the quote you’ve settled on and copy it onto small index cards or other pieces of paper that can be stored around your home and workspace.

                  If you’re creative, you can create inspiration boards, signs or other decorative displays featuring your favorite motivational quotes – really, though, the most important thing is that your chosen phrase be accessible in a variety of different places. This will make it easy to access and review whenever you feel your motivation slipping away.

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                  Featured photo credit: Kyle Glenn via unsplash.com

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