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9 Ways Successful People Deal With Anger

9 Ways Successful People Deal With Anger

Conventional wisdom teaches us that anger is uncivilized, unsophisticated and socially unacceptable. Its stigma is hard to escape. If you’ve ever been guilty of an ‘outburst’ at work, on the sporting field or even worse, at your child’s soccer match, it’s likely that you’ve built yourself a reputation as someone who can’t control their emotions, even if it was out of character.

However, a research conducted by Henry Evans and Colm Foster, authors of “Step Up: Lead in Six Moments That Matter” and experts in the field of emotional intelligence showed that high-performers experience and harness their full spectrum of emotions, including anger to find success and achieve their objectives.

By harnessing the positive powers of anger, successful people are more focussed, more assertive and more confident. Successful people deal with anger by cultivating a high emotional IQ through success-breeding habits, routines and practices like these.

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In Their Head:

1. They accept that anger is natural and healthy

When you recognise anger as an essential and necessary emotion, you stop being afraid of it. Only when you’re no longer afraid of it can you start managing its manifestations.

Fear breeds defensive thoughts and behaviours, but when you embrace something, you put yourself in charge. Being in charge of your anger allows you to express it calmly and constructively.

2. They focus on ‘I’ statements

Most people experiencing anger talk in ‘you’ statements like “you are making me late” or “you still haven’t finished the report that was due this morning.” This type of language naturally makes other people defensive and less likely to want to help you out.

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By talking in ‘I’ statements instead, the people you’re talking to are more likely to empathise and want to help. Talking in ‘I’ statements will also help you focus on how to fix the problem rather than just complaining that the problem exists. Try these instead: “I don’t like to be late, it reflects poorly on our team” and “I really need that report, is there anything I can do to help.”

3. They avoid negative self-talk

There’s nothing wrong with being self critical, but when your negative self-talk holds you back from personal, emotional and professional growth you need to act.

When you embrace your imperfections you’re more likely to think about how to improve, rather than what’s ‘wrong’ with you, which over a long period of time, can lead to stress and depression. Take a more positive and constructive view of yourself and you’ll achieve more and be happier.

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At Work:

4. They focus on the problem, not the person

Hanlon’s Razor states: “never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” In other words, if someone’s done wrong by you it’s likely they didn’t mean it so lighten up!

Accidents and mistakes happen everyday and while it’s easy to blame, getting angry at the person you believe responsible is not going to fix the problem. Stop wasting your time with un-constructive finger pointing and get on with business.

5. They don’t hold a grudge

Holding a grudge doesn’t achieve anything. Moreover, it takes energy and effort to hold something against someone which over time, wears you down and contaminates your mind, leading to a negative world view. Let it go. Forgive and forget and be happier.

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6. They never send an email while angry

The way you communicate with people at work can impact your future career prospects, and email is a permanent record of your communication with the potential to make or break a career. Anger impairs your judgement, which can lead you to write something in an email that you wouldn’t when you’re in a better frame of mind.

If you need to write something, draft an email with an empty ‘To:’ field, save the email as a draft and look at it again tomorrow. Also, checkout number 9 on this list.

At Home:

7. They meditate

Meditation can help you deal with stress and anxiety which are precursors to anger. Regular meditation regulates levels of cortisol, a hormone released during times of stress. It also boosts serotonin, a so-called ‘feel good’ hormone that balances your emotions and can make you more aware of your feelings.

8. They exercise

It’s widely recognised that regular exercise boosts energy levels and aids focus. Researchers have also found that it can help you manage your anger. Studies have shown that regular exercise dissipates feelings of anger and reduces the risk of it bubbling to the surface. So, get running.

9. They keep a journal

Keeping a journal is an alternative and healthy outlet for your emotions, including anger. A journal is a great place to get your thoughts, feelings, ideas and emotions out without the risk of hurting anyone and without fear of judgement.

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

8 Ways to Train Your Brain to Learn Faster and Remember More

8 Ways to Train Your Brain to Learn Faster and Remember More

You go to the gym to train your muscles. You run outside or go for hikes to train your endurance. Or, maybe you do neither of those, but still wish you exercised more.

Well, here is how to train one of the most important parts of your body: your brain.

When you train your brain, you will:

  • Avoid embarrassing situations. You remember his face, but what was his name?
  • Be a faster learner in all sorts of different skills. No problem for you to pick up a new language or new management skill.
  • Avoid diseases that hit as you get older. Alzheimer’s will not be affecting you.

So how to train your brain and improve your cognitive skills?

1. Work your memory

Twyla Tharp, a NYC-based renowned choreographer has come up with the following memory workout:

When she watches one of her performances, she tries to remember the first twelve to fourteen corrections she wants to discuss with her cast without writing them down.

If you think this is anything less than a feat, then think again. In her book The Creative Habit she says that most people cannot remember more than three.

The practice of both remembering events or things and then discussing them with others has actually been supported by brain fitness studies.

Memory activities that engage all levels of brain operation—receiving, remembering and thinking—help to improve the function of the brain.

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Now, you may not have dancers to correct, but you may be required to give feedback on a presentation, or your friends may ask you what interesting things you saw at the museum. These are great opportunities to practically train your brain by flexing your memory muscles.

What is the simplest way to help yourself remember what you see? Repetition.

For example, say you just met someone new:

“Hi, my name is George”

Don’t just respond with, “Nice to meet you”. Instead, say, “Nice to meet you George.”

Got it? Good.

2. Do something different repeatedly

By actually doing something new over and over again, your brain wires new pathways that help you do this new thing better and faster.

Think back to when you were three years old. You surely were strong enough to hold a knife and a fork just fine. Yet, when you were eating all by yourself, you were creating a mess.

It was not a matter of strength, you see. It was a matter of cultivating more and better neural pathways that would help you eat by yourself just like an adult does.

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And guess what? With enough repetition you made that happen!

But how does this apply to your life right now?

Say you are a procrastinator. The more you don’t procrastinate, the more you teach your brain not to wait for the last minute to make things happen.

Now, you might be thinking “Duh, if only not procrastinating could be that easy!”

Well, it can be. By doing something really small, that you wouldn’t normally do, but is in the direction of getting that task done, you will start creating those new precious neural pathways.

So if you have been postponing organizing your desk, just take one paper and put in its right place. Or, you can go even smaller. Look at one piece of paper and decide where to put it: Trash? Right cabinet? Another room? Give it to someone?

You don’t actually need to clean up that paper; you only need to decide what you need to do with it.

That’s how small you can start. And yet, those neural pathways are still being built. Gradually, you will transform yourself from a procrastinator to an in-the-moment action taker.

3. Learn something new

It might sound obvious, but the more you use your brain, the better its going to perform for you.

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For example, learning a new instrument improves your skill of translating something you see (sheet music) to something you actually do (playing the instrument).

Learning a new language exposes your brain to a different way of thinking, a different way of expressing yourself.

You can even literally take it a step further, and learn how to dance. Studies indicate that learning to dance helps seniors avoid Alzheimer’s. Not bad, huh?

4. Follow a brain training program

The Internet world can help you improve your brain function while lazily sitting on your couch. A clinically proven program like BrainHQ can help you improve your memory, or think faster, by just following their brain training exercises.

5. Work your body

You knew this one was coming didn’t you? Yes indeed, exercise does not just work your body; it also improves the fitness of your brain.

Even briefly exercising for 20 minutes facilitates information processing and memory functions. But it’s not just that–exercise actually helps your brain create those new neural connections faster. You will learn faster, your alertness level will increase, and you get all that by moving your body.

Now, if you are not already a regular exerciser, and already feel guilty that you are not helping your brain by exercising more, try a brain training exercise program like Exercise Bliss.

Remember, just like we discussed in #2, by training your brain to do something new repeatedly, you are actually changing yourself permanently.

6. Spend time with your loved ones

If you want optimal cognitive abilities, then you’ve got to have meaningful relationships in your life.  Talking with others and engaging with your loved ones helps you think more clearly, and it can also lift your mood.

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If you are an extrovert, this holds even more weight for you. At a class at Stanford University, I learned that extroverts actually use talking to other people as a way to understand and process their own thoughts.

I remember that the teacher told us that after a personality test said she was an extrovert, she was surprised. She had always thought of herself as an introvert. But then, she realized how much talking to others helped her frame her own thoughts, so she accepted her new-found status as an extrovert.

7. Avoid crossword puzzles

Many of us, when we think of brain fitness, think of crossword puzzles. And it’s true–crossword puzzles do improve our fluency, yet studies show they are not enough by themselves.

Are they fun? Yes. Do they sharpen your brain? Not really.

Of course, if you are doing this for fun, then by all means go ahead. If you are doing it for brain fitness, then you might want to choose another activity

8. Eat right – and make sure dark chocolate is included

Foods like fish, fruits, and vegetables help your brain perform optimally. Yet, you might not know that dark chocolate gives your brain a good boost as well.

When you eat chocolate, your brain produces dopamine. And dopamine helps you learn faster and remember better. Not to mention, chocolate contains flavonols, antioxidants, which also improve your brain functions.

So next time you have something difficult to do, make sure you grab a bite or two of dark chocolate!

The bottom line

Now that you know how to train your brain, it’s actually time to start doing.

Don’t just consume this content and then go on with your life as if nothing has changed. Put this knowledge into action and become smarter than ever!

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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