You might be expecting me to write something basic about patience, integrity, humility, honesty, discipline, and other qualities that might make up a successful person. If you’re looking for an article like that, you’ll find them everywhere. This article is different. It’s not meant to talk about one word or one quality of successful people in a generic sense and re-define what those things mean for you. This articles purpose is to help you re-define what your personal success is and how you define yourself.
There are elements of success people seldom mention, and sometimes those things have nothing to do with the present or the individual. Below, feel free to read about those five elements.
1. Your job isn’t your success.
You are your success, and what you’re successful in will vary. It doesn’t have to be your job. It could be your family, it could be your volunteer work, or your community service. Success is multi-faceted. In addition, your job may not be a direct reflection of you, your greatest strengths, or the best use of your time. Your job might not enable you to contribute to the world in a way you would like, yet so many people define themselves by their jobs, or their next big promotion. Success is a lifestyle and an attitude.
2. Failure is going to happen to you. Just because you fail at something, doesn’t mean you are a failure.
I’ve only failed one class in my life: geometry. I did my best, and I tried hard, enrolling in tutoring and after school classes to help boost my grade. Failing, I thought, would be unacceptable and earth-shattering. I thought I’d be too embarrassed to ever be able to discuss it, l and yet here I am. Do you know what I learned? I learned it wasn’t the end of the world. I learned what I wasn’t good at. I learned where I was weak and I used those insights to make myself stronger and better educated about myself.
Failure is nothing more than useful feedback. You don’t have to be the best at everything to be the best at something. Sometimes we learn from the things we do poorly or the things we fail to do moreso than the things we excel in.
3. People will always see your successes. They may never know about your sacrifices.
There will always be people who think you had it easy. There were always be people who identify with you and think you had it rough. They are both wrong, and the answer is usually somewhere in the middle and defined by the individual. The truth of the matter is, no one else is going to really know how much you had to give up or overcome to get to where you are. It’s easy to think being successful is easy when the version of you people are seeing is the person who made it through the storm.
When push comes to shove, their opinions don’t matter. What matters is what you think and feel about yourself. When you feel good about yourself and your own unique purpose in life, everything falls into place.
4. There are people who aren’t going to think you’re successful, no matter what you think of yourself or how you feel.
Ignore people like this. They are usually miserable themselves. There will always be people who like to gossip or speak poorly of someone else trying to get by and follow their dreams. People will tell you your goals are stupid, your dreams are unrealistic, and the money won’t follow. Sometimes they are right, and sometimes they are wrong. The only thing that matters is that you don’t base your final choices off of them.
5. Sometimes it’s about who you know.
In some respects, certain types of success have to do more with who you know as opposed to how hard you work, hustle, or study. Many people will tell you so long as you work hard, anything is possible, and while anything being possible is true, it isn’t always probable. Sometimes people have a better time, or easier time because they have good mentors or they knew the right people or joined the right clubs or had the right connections. Sometimes success is a collaborative effort, not just something we become on our own.
Facebook is embedded into lives around the world. We use it to connect with friends, share important milestones, and check in with the news. However, what may seem like harmless scrolling can become harmful if it takes up inordinate amounts of time and turns into a Facebook addiction.
The first step to breaking any bad habit is to understand the symptoms and psychological triggers that made you pick up the habit in the first place. Below you’ll find the common causes, and the good news is that, once you’ve identified them, you can implement specific strategies to get over your Facebook addiction.
Do you find that the first thing you do when you wake up is grab your phone and scroll through Facebook? Is it the last thing you see before falling asleep? You may have a Facebook addiction. Here are some more of the signs and symptoms:
You end up spending hours on Facebook, even when you don’t mean to.
You use Facebook to escape problems or change your mood.
You go to sleep later because you’re glued to your screen.
Your relationships are suffering because you spend more time on your phone than you do talking with the people you care about.
You automatically pull out your phone when you have free time.
You can check out this TED Talk by Tristan Harris to understand how Facebook and other social media gain and hold our attention:
Psychological Reasons for a Facebook Addiction
A compulsive Facebook addiction doesn’t come out of nowhere. There are often root causes that push you into Facebook, which can ultimately manifest as an addiction once you become dependent on it. Here are some of the common causes.
Facebook can cause procrastination, but many times, your tendency to procrastinate can lead you to scrolling through your Facebook feed.
Facebook capitalizes on your tendency to procrastinate by incorporating a news feed with an infinite scroll. No matter how far down you go, there will always be more memes and status updates to keep you distracted from whatever you should be doing.
Thus, it might be helpful to change your perception of Facebook. Instead of looking at it like a place to be social or kill time, frame Facebook as the enemy of your productivity and purpose. Doesn’t sound as tempting now, right?
Loneliness or Indecision
Facebook resembles a boring reality TV show that is on full display during every hour of the day. Do you really need to tell everybody what you ate for lunch? I doubt it.
You don’t share such trivial details to add value to people’s lives. You’re likely doing it because you’re lonely and in need of attention or approval.
Seeking opinions from your friends could be a sign of indecision or low self-confidence. If you get a bad suggestion, then you can conveniently blame somebody else, thus protecting your ego.
Social comparison is a natural part of being human. We need to know where we stand in order to judge our rank among our peers. And Facebook has made this all too easy.
When we get into Facebook, our brains are bombarded by hundreds of people to compare ourselves to. We see our cousin’s amazing vacation to Europe, our friend’s adorable baby, our brother’s new puppy, etc. Everything looks better than what we have because, of course, people are only going to post the best parts.
This extreme form of social comparison with a Facebook addiction can, unfortunately, lead to depression. One study pointed out that “people feel depressed after spending a great deal of time on Facebook because they feel badly when comparing themselves to others”.
Facebook takes advantage of your desire for instant gratification. Your brain receives a dopamine hit every time you see that red notification light up. Dopamine is a chemical in your brain that causes you to seek pleasure from things.
Pleasure sounds nice in theory, but dopamine is responsible for self-destructive behavior if overproduced. Thus, becoming a slave to your notifications can destroy your self-control in a hurry.
If that wasn’t bad enough, the human desire to be liked and accepted is at play, too. Every time you get a “Like,” your brain decides that means somebody likes you. Keep this up and you’ll turn into an addict desperate for another “hit.”
Fear of Missing out (FOMO)
Facebook wrecks your focus by preying on your fear of missing out. You check your Facebook feed during a date because you don’t want to miss any interesting updates. You check your messages while you drive because a friend might have something exciting to share.
One study found that “a high level of fear of missing out and high narcissism are predictors of Facebook intrusion, while a low level of fear of missing out and high narcissism are related to satisfaction with life”.
Therefore, while you may feel temporarily glad that you didn’t miss something, research shows that FOMO will actually reduce your overall life satisfaction.
How to Break a Facebook Addiction
Now that you know some of the causes of a Facebook addiction, you may be ready to break it. If so, follow these 5 steps to get over your addiction and improve your mental health.
1. Admit the Addiction
You can’t fix a problem if you deny it exists. Don’t beat yourself up, but do try and be honest enough to admit you’re a Facebook addict. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a recovering addict myself. There is no reason to be ashamed.
Telling a trusted friend might help you stay accountable, especially if they share your goal.
2. Be Mindful of Triggers
In order to discover the triggers that lead you to use Facebook, ask yourself the following questions. It may be helpful to write them down at a journal.
What did I do? (scrolling, sharing, notification checking, etc.)
When did I do it? (down-time at work, as soon as you woke up, right before bed, on a date, etc.)
What happened right before? (a stressful event, boredom, etc.)
How did this make me feel? (stressed, anxious, sad, angry, etc.)
Once you’re aware of what pushes you to use Facebook, you can work on tackling those specific things to get over your Facebook addiction.
3. Learn to Recognize the Urge
Every time you feel the urge to update your status or check your feed, recognize that impulse for what it is (a habitual behavior—NOT a conscious decision). This is especially powerful when you complete step 2 because you’ll be able to make a mental note of the specific psychological trigger at play.
Have a plan for when you feel the desire to use Facebook. For example, if you know you use it when you’re bored, plan to practice a hobby instead. If you use it when you’re stressed, create a relaxation routine instead of jumping on Facebook.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Facebook is an epic time-suck, but that doesn’t mean you should criticize yourself every time you log-on to your feed. Beating yourself up will make you feel bad about yourself, which will ironically cause you to be even more tempted.
Self-loathing can only lead to failure. You might end up deciding it’s hopeless because you are “too lazy.” If you want to break your addiction for good, then you need to be self-compassionate.
5. Replace the Addiction With a Positive Alternative
It’s a lot easier to eliminate a bad habit when you decide on a good habit that you would like to replace it with. I applied this idea by choosing to pick up a book every time I was tempted to check my feed.
The result blew my mind. I read over a hundred pages in the first day! Trust me when I say those “few minutes of down-time” can add up to an obscene amount of waste.
Having a specific metric to track is important. If you want to stay encouraged, you need to have compelling evidence that your time would be better spent elsewhere.
For example, download an app to help you determine exactly how much time is spent on Facebook so you know how much of your life you’re losing to it. Then, when you find a healthy alternative, you can feel good about all the time you’re giving to it!
Facebook addictions aren’t uncommon in today’s technologically dependent world. In the pursuit of human connection, we’ve mistakenly taken our interactions online, thinking it would be an easier alternative. Unfortunately, this is no replacement for genuine, face-to-face interaction in real life.
If you think you have a problem, there are things you can do to tackle it. Get started today and improve your overall well-being.