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11 Things Highly Charismatic People Do Differently

11 Things Highly Charismatic People Do Differently
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Want to land that job, date, or big deal?

Charismatic people do things differently.  Demystify their act and emulate their behavior to get the results you want.

They exude joy.

It’s a tough world out there, and people are drawn to happiness like moths to a light.  Whether your style is exuberant or more subdued, when you’re happy, people simply want to be around you.

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They tell stories.

There are many common human experiences that are likely shared by your best friends and that guy on the bus alike. Charismatic people are the folks who actually share them, and get the whole room laughing and talking together. What’s the key? Having the courage to share.

They inspire confidence.

Cultivate a firm handshake, look people in the eye when you are talking to them, focus on the person in front of you and leave any stories of questionable moral content for the privacy of your own home. Sound simple? Not always, but start practicing now, because charismatic folks have these skills down solidly.

They share conviction.

Who do you want to go to dinner with – the guy or gal who is passionately talking about something that is clearly important to them, or the monotone dud who doesn’t seem to care about anything? Charismatic people are passionate. They’re engaged. They want to tell you all about it, whatever it is.

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They listen actively.

Nobody likes an ego show. The key to charisma is an ability to spark other people to engage with you and each other. Once they do, these magnetic people listen actively, validating the audience’s decision to flock to them.

They are approachable.

Charismatic people are often described as “approachable”, a trait usually rooted in empathy. Like dogs, humans can just kind of sense when someone will or will not be receptive to what they have to say. Whether a charismatic person agrees with their audience or not, they are able to maintain that air of openness.

They pay attention to detail.

Ever struggled for conversational material? These folks don’t, because they pay attention to detail, ask questions and redirect the conversation according to the audience’s body language. Everything from the jewelry a person wears, to the regional verbal tics in their speech and the way they laugh is fodder to keep the conversational ball rolling.

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They are not slowed by social criticism.

If a rolling stone gathers no moss, then these folks are squeaky clean! Charismatic folks are figureheads, high liners, somehow visible. Controversy and criticism are inevitable, but these people build a tough skin and keep on doin’ what they’re doin’.

They take chances.

Everyone fears failure, but charismatic people do not shirk from it. They walk across the room and ask the person they like on a date; they put their resume in for a job that no one thinks they can get. “What’s the worse that could happen?” is a way of life. They roll the dice, and they get what they want more often than perhaps expected.

They are active.

A person cannot be labeled “charismatic” unless people are drawn to them, which by default means that a charismatic person is engaged with those around them. Whether through a gym, school, social club or other community function, they are not found dozing off in front of the television.

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Their glass is half full.

We all have hard days, and there are tough things going on in the world. Charismatic people leave the negativity to the birds. Even when offering candid, harsh assessment, they do so in a way that also presents the positive.Their word choice and body language reflect their optimism.

Eager to be regarded as a charismatic person yourself?  Check out this study that argues charisma can be learnt.

Featured photo credit: Steve Jurvetson via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 21, 2021

The Importance of Reminders (And How to Make a Reminder Work)

The Importance of Reminders (And How to Make a Reminder Work)
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No matter how well you set up your todo list and calendar, you aren’t going to get things done unless you have a reliable way of reminding yourself to actually do them.

Anyone who’s spent an hour writing up the perfect grocery list only to realize at the store that they forgot to bring the list understands the importance of reminders.

Reminders of some sort or another are what turn a collection of paper goods or web services into what David Allen calls a “trusted system.”[1]

A lot of people resist getting better organized. No matter what kind of chaotic mess, their lives are on a day-to-day basis because they know themselves well enough to know that there’s after all that work they’ll probably forget to take their lists with them when it matters most.

Fortunately, there are ways to make sure we remember to check our lists — and to remember to do the things we need to do, whether they’re on a list or not.

In most cases, we need a lot of pushing at first, for example by making a reminder, but eventually we build up enough momentum that doing what needs doing becomes a habit — not an exception.

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From Creating Reminders to Building Habits

A habit is any act we engage in automatically without thinking about it.

For example, when you brush your teeth, you don’t have to think about every single step from start to finish; once you stagger up to the sink, habit takes over (and, really, habit got you to the sink in the first place) and you find yourself putting toothpaste on your toothbrush, putting the toothbrush in your mouth (and never your ear!), spitting, rinsing, and so on without any conscious effort at all.

This is a good thing because if you’re anything like me, you’re not even capable of conscious thought when you’re brushing your teeth.

The good news is you already have a whole set of productivity habits you’ve built up over the course of your life. The bad news is, a lot of them aren’t very good habits.

That quick game Frogger to “loosen you up” before you get working, that always ends up being 6 hours of Frogger –– that’s a habit. And as you know, habits like that can be hard to break — which is one of the reasons why habits are so important in the first place.

Once you’ve replaced an unproductive habit with a more productive one, the new habit will be just as hard to break as the old one was. Getting there, though, can be a chore!

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The old saw about anything you do for 21 days becoming a habit has been pretty much discredited, but there is a kernel of truth there — anything you do long enough becomes an ingrained behavior, a habit. Some people pick up habits quickly, others over a longer time span, but eventually, the behaviors become automatic.

Building productive habits, then, is a matter of repeating a desired behavior over a long enough period of time that you start doing it without thinking.

But how do you remember to do that? And what about the things that don’t need to be habits — the one-off events, like taking your paycheck stubs to your mortgage banker or making a particular phone call?

The trick to reminding yourself often enough for something to become a habit, or just that one time that you need to do something, is to interrupt yourself in some way in a way that triggers the desired behavior.

The Wonderful Thing About Triggers — Reminders

A trigger is anything that you put “in your way” to remind you to do something. The best triggers are related in some way to the behavior you want to produce.

For instance, if you want to remember to take something to work that you wouldn’t normally take, you might place it in front of the door so you have to pick it up to get out of your house.

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But anything that catches your attention and reminds you to do something can be a trigger. An alarm clock or kitchen timer is a perfect example — when the bell rings, you know to wake up or take the quiche out of the oven. (Hopefully you remember which trigger goes with which behavior!)

If you want to instill a habit, the thing to do is to place a trigger in your path to remind you to do whatever it is you’re trying to make into a habit — and keep it there until you realize that you’ve already done the thing it’s supposed to remind you of.

For instance, a post-it saying “count your calories” placed on the refrigerator door (or maybe on your favorite sugary snack itself)  can help you remember that you’re supposed to be cutting back — until one day you realize that you don’t need to be reminded anymore.

These triggers all require a lot of forethought, though — you have to remember that you need to remember something in the first place.

For a lot of tasks, the best reminder is one that’s completely automated — you set it up and then forget about it, trusting the trigger to pop up when you need it.

How to Make a Reminder Works for You

Computers and ubiquity of mobile Internet-connected devices make it possible to set up automatic triggers for just about anything.

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Desktop software like Outlook will pop up reminders on your desktop screen, and most online services go an extra step and send reminders via email or SMS text message — just the thing to keep you on track. Sandy, for example, just does automatic reminders.

Automated reminders can help you build habits — but it can also help you remember things that are too important to be trusted even to habit. Diabetics who need to take their insulin, HIV patients whose medication must be taken at an exact time in a precise order, phone calls that have to be made exactly on time, and other crucial events require triggers even when the habit is already in place.

My advice is to set reminders for just about everything — have them sent to your mobile phone in some way (either through a built-in calendar or an online service that sends updates) so you never have to think about it — and never have to worry about forgetting.

Your weekly review is a good time to enter new reminders for the coming weeks or months. I simply don’t want to think about what I’m supposed to be doing; I want to be reminded so I can think just about actually doing it.

I tend to use my calendar for reminders, mostly, though I do like Sandy quite a bit.

More on Building Habits

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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Reference

[1] Getting Things Done: Trusted System

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