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11 Things Highly Charismatic People Do Differently

11 Things Highly Charismatic People Do Differently

Want to land that job, date, or big deal?

Charismatic people do things differently.  Demystify their act and emulate their behavior to get the results you want.

They exude joy.

It’s a tough world out there, and people are drawn to happiness like moths to a light.  Whether your style is exuberant or more subdued, when you’re happy, people simply want to be around you.

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They tell stories.

There are many common human experiences that are likely shared by your best friends and that guy on the bus alike. Charismatic people are the folks who actually share them, and get the whole room laughing and talking together. What’s the key? Having the courage to share.

They inspire confidence.

Cultivate a firm handshake, look people in the eye when you are talking to them, focus on the person in front of you and leave any stories of questionable moral content for the privacy of your own home. Sound simple? Not always, but start practicing now, because charismatic folks have these skills down solidly.

They share conviction.

Who do you want to go to dinner with – the guy or gal who is passionately talking about something that is clearly important to them, or the monotone dud who doesn’t seem to care about anything? Charismatic people are passionate. They’re engaged. They want to tell you all about it, whatever it is.

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They listen actively.

Nobody likes an ego show. The key to charisma is an ability to spark other people to engage with you and each other. Once they do, these magnetic people listen actively, validating the audience’s decision to flock to them.

They are approachable.

Charismatic people are often described as “approachable”, a trait usually rooted in empathy. Like dogs, humans can just kind of sense when someone will or will not be receptive to what they have to say. Whether a charismatic person agrees with their audience or not, they are able to maintain that air of openness.

They pay attention to detail.

Ever struggled for conversational material? These folks don’t, because they pay attention to detail, ask questions and redirect the conversation according to the audience’s body language. Everything from the jewelry a person wears, to the regional verbal tics in their speech and the way they laugh is fodder to keep the conversational ball rolling.

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They are not slowed by social criticism.

If a rolling stone gathers no moss, then these folks are squeaky clean! Charismatic folks are figureheads, high liners, somehow visible. Controversy and criticism are inevitable, but these people build a tough skin and keep on doin’ what they’re doin’.

They take chances.

Everyone fears failure, but charismatic people do not shirk from it. They walk across the room and ask the person they like on a date; they put their resume in for a job that no one thinks they can get. “What’s the worse that could happen?” is a way of life. They roll the dice, and they get what they want more often than perhaps expected.

They are active.

A person cannot be labeled “charismatic” unless people are drawn to them, which by default means that a charismatic person is engaged with those around them. Whether through a gym, school, social club or other community function, they are not found dozing off in front of the television.

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Their glass is half full.

We all have hard days, and there are tough things going on in the world. Charismatic people leave the negativity to the birds. Even when offering candid, harsh assessment, they do so in a way that also presents the positive.Their word choice and body language reflect their optimism.

Eager to be regarded as a charismatic person yourself?  Check out this study that argues charisma can be learnt.

Featured photo credit: Steve Jurvetson via flickr.com

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Last Updated on October 16, 2019

Invaluable Lessons You Can Learn From Your Mistakes

Invaluable Lessons You Can Learn From Your Mistakes

Do you like making mistakes?

I certainly don’t.

Making mistakes is inevitable. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could be at ease with them?

Perhaps there is a way to think of them differently and see their benefits.

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Why Mistakes Feel Dangerous

Mistakes often feel dangerous. Throughout human history, our errors have often been treated as dangerous for a variety of reasons:

  • Our vulnerability. We have limited and fragile support systems. When those systems fail, people often lose their lives.
  • Real dangers. Nature can be dangerous, and making mistakes can put us at the mercy of nature and its animal residents seeking a meal.
  • Ignorance. Many cultures scapegoats someone whenever there is a failure of some kind. Scapegoating can be serious and deadly.
  • Order. Many societies punish those who do not conform to the prevailing orthodoxy and treat difference and non-conformity as a mistake. Even our brains flash an error message whenever we go against prevailing social norms.

We have a history of handling mistakes and failure in an unpleasant way. Since each of us carries our human history with us, it can be a challenge to overcome the fear of making mistakes.

If we can embrace the reality of mistakes, we can free ourselves to be more creative in our lives and dig up some interesting insights.

Why We Can’t Avoid Making Mistakes

Many people operate under the notion that making mistakes is an aberration, a mistake if you will. You can call it perfectionism but it is a more substantial problem. It is really a demand for order and continuity.

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When we think we can eliminate mistakes, we are often working from a perspective that sees the world as a fixed place. The world, however, is not so obliging. Like it or not, the world, and everything in it, is constantly changing.

Change is more constant and pervasive than we can see with our own eyes which is why we often miss it. Our bodies are constantly changing. The natural conditions of the earth change constantly as well. Everything, including economic and cultural systems have life cycles. Everything is in a constant state of flux.

We cannot see all of the changes going on around us since rates of change vary. Unfortunately, when we try to create a feeling of certainty and solidity in our lives or operate from the illusion of stability and order, we are fighting reality and our natural evolution which is built on adapting to change.

It is better to continually bend into this reality rather than fight every change we experience. Fighting it can cause us to make more mistakes. Finding the benefits in change can be useful and help us minimize unnecessary mistakes.

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Lessons Learned from Making Mistakes

Life has so many uncertainties and variables that mistakes are inevitable. Fortunately, there are many things you can learn from making mistakes.

Here is a list of ways to harness the mistakes you make for your benefit.

  1. Point us to something we did not know.
  2. Reveal a nuance we missed.
  3. Deepen our knowledge.
  4. Tell us something about our skill levels.
  5. Help us see what matters and what does not.
  6. Inform us more about our values.
  7. Teach us more about others.
  8. Let us recognize changing circumstances.
  9. Show us when someone else has changed.
  10. Keep us connected to what works and what doesn’t work.
  11. Remind us of our humanity.
  12. Spur us to want to better work which helps us all.
  13. Promote compassion for ourselves and others.
  14. Teach us to value forgiveness.
  15. Help us to pace ourselves better.
  16. Invite us to better choices.
  17. Can teach us how to experiment.
  18. Can reveal a new insight.
  19. Can suggest new options we had not considered.
  20. Can serve as a warning.
  21. Show us hidden fault lines in our lives which can lead us to more productive arrangements.
  22. Point out structural problems in our lives.
  23. Prompt us to learn more about ourselves.
  24. Remind us how we are like others.
  25. Make us more humble.
  26. Help us rectify injustices in our lives.
  27. Show us where to create more balance in our lives.
  28. Tell us when the time to move on has occurred.
  29. Reveal where our passion is and where it is not.
  30. Expose our true feelings.
  31. Bring out problems in a relationship.
  32. Can be a red flag for our misjudgments.
  33. Point us in a more creative direction.
  34. Show us when we are not listening.
  35. Wake us up to our authentic selves.
  36. Can create distance with someone else.
  37. Slow us down when we need to.
  38. Can hasten change.
  39. Reveal our blind spots.
  40. Are the invisible made visible.

Reframe Reality to Handle Mistakes More Easily

The secret to handling mistakes is to:

  • Expect them as part of the process of growth and development.
  • Have an experimental mindset.
  • Think in evolutional rather than fixed terms.

When we accept change as the natural structure of the world, our vulnerability and humanness lets us work with the ebb and flow of life.

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When we recognize the inevitability of mistakes as part of the ongoing experiment which life is, then we can relax more. In doing so we may make fewer of them.

It also helps to keep in mind that trial and error is an organic natural way of living. It is how we have evolved over time. It is better to be with our natural evolution than to fight it and make life harder.

When we adopt an evolutional mindset and see ourselves as part of the ongoing human experiment, we can appreciate that all that has been built up over time which includes the many mistakes our ancestors have made over thousands of years. Each one of us today is a part of that human tradition of learning and experimenting,

Mistakes are part of the trial and error, experimental nature of life. The more you adopt the experimental, evolutional frame, the easier it becomes to handle mistakes.

Handling mistakes well can help you relax and enjoy all aspects of life more.

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Featured photo credit: Sarah Kilian via unsplash.com

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