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10 Books Which Can Effectively Increase Our Emotional Quotient

10 Books Which Can Effectively Increase Our Emotional Quotient

People pay a lot of attention to the intelligence quotient, or IQ, which can be a determinant for a successful career. Nevertheless, this score does not reflect the overall intelligence of a particular person. Emotional intelligence is just as important for maintaining successful relationships, working in teams, and adapting to different social and business environments.

Fortunately, there are proven strategies that help people boost their emotional know-how. What’s the best place to start? There are plenty of popular books focused on this matter. You should start by learning the fundamentals of the emotional intelligence concept. Once you have a solid base of emotional education, you will notice how your life is improved from different points of view.

Mark the following 10 books as “to read”; they offer great tips that will help you increase your EQ.

1. Go Suck a Lemon: Strategies for Improving Your Emotional Intelligence – Michael Cornwall

1. Go Suck a Lemon: Strategies for Improving Your Emotional Intelligence by Michael Cornwall

    This author wrote an amazing guide that helps people improve their emotional intelligence through practical exercises. Dr. Cornwall suggests that the process of boosting your EQ starts with commitment to self-development, as well as a complete transformation of the way you think and behave. Emotionally healthy people think before reacting. They are open-minded and independent. This book teaches you how to achieve that state.

    2. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 – Travis Bradberry, Patrick Lencioni and Jean Greaves

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    2. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry, Patrick Lencioni and Jean Greaves

      Bradberry, Lencioni and Greaves associate emotional intelligence with today’s stressful economic conditions and demanding workplaces. They suggest several tools that help people adapt to such environments and channel the negative emotions that result from them.

      The biggest advantage of this book is the program that enables people to boost their emotional wellbeing by following clear steps focused on foundational skills: social awareness, self-awareness, relationship management, and self-management.

      3. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ – Daniel Goleman

      3.	Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

        Dr. Goleman offers a direct face-off between EQ and IQ, explaining that intellectual intelligence doesn’t help us achieve self-improvement without the boost of a high EQ. Supporting his arguments with facts from neuroscience and psychology, the author helps us understand the crucial skills for success.

        The book is not abstract at all; Goleman also offers ideas on how people can improve their EQ, which will lead to better relationships, work performance, and physical well-being.

        4. The EQ Difference: A Powerful Plan for Putting Emotional Intelligence to Work – Adele B. Lynn

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        4.	The EQ Difference: A Powerful Plan for Putting Emotional Intelligence to Work

          You can find tons of information on emotional intelligence online. However, many of those articles are based on abstract terms that may help you to understand the concept of emotional wellbeing, but won’t help you actually to achieve it. That’s why it’s important to find a more elaborate book that guides you through the specific steps you can take towards your personal growth.

          Adele B. Lynn provides effective guidance for professionals at all levels. Her practical examples and tips help the readers understand the effects different emotions have on our values, relations, and performance in the workplace. Once you learn how to recognize those effects, you will be able to achieve greater professional success.

          5. The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success – Steven J. Stein and Howard E. Book

          5.	The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success

            This book may easily become your long-term companion. Highly-developed intellect and creativity are truly necessary for successful performance on multiple levels, but the role of emotional intelligence is just as powerful. The EQ Edge teaches us why EQ is of crucial meaning when people are trying to progress at work, strengthen their relationships, boost their confidence, and become leaders.

            The book also includes a practical guide that enables all of us to improve relationships with other people, but with ourselves as well.

            6. The New Psycho-Cybernetics – Maxwell Maltz

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            6.	The New Psycho-Cybernetics

              This is an updated version of the influential book that Maxwell Maltz published in 1960. The concept of emotional intelligence is nothing new; people have been aware of its importance throughout the last century. The theory of psycho-cybernetics examines the process of controlling thoughts and emotions. This book will teach you how to transform them from negative to positive.

              With time, you will reprogram the way your mind processes information. That will enable you to achieve your career goals and improve your overall lifestyle.

              7. Building Emotional Intelligence – Linda Lantieri

              7.	Building Emotional Intelligence by Linda Lantieri

                If you are a parent, it’s important to help your children develop the foundations of EQ at an early age. The most important part of children’s development is not reading, science, or math. Rather, it’s the capacity that Linda Lantieri defines as inner resilience. The approach elaborated in this book can also be useful for adults interested in boosting their emotional intelligence.

                With the step-by-step guide, the author enables people to improve their focus and awareness, increase self-esteem and empathy, and improve their ability for effective communication.

                8. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change – Stephen R. Covey

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                8.	The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey

                  This author presents a holistic approach for solving professional and personal problems. Although the book isn’t focused on emotional intelligence per se, it is an essential guide for everyone who wants to gain control over their emotions. Many of the 7 habits of effective people are closely linked to awareness of their inner state. Through anecdotes and penetrating insights, Covey teaches people how to live with integrity, dignity, and fairness.

                  9. The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book – Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves

                  The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves

                    This is one of the most accessible guides for achieving higher EQ. The authors of the book are renowned researchers of the phenomenon of emotional intelligence. In The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book, they offer effective tools that help people bring their chaotic personal and professional lives to balance.

                    This edition may seem short for such a deep concept, but it’s very effective because it gets straight to the point. It will help you assess your own EQ and build your “emotional immunity” at home and at work.

                    10. The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationships – Jeanne Segal

                    The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationships

                      This author doesn’t spend much time trying to convince you how important emotional intelligence is for the wellbeing of your relationships; you are supposed to know that already. The value of this book is in the fact that it enables you to apply the things you know in your everyday life. Jeanne Segal offers a practical guide based on research and real-life examples.

                      The five basic tools elaborated in the book will help you enhance your relationships by improving your skills at diffusing arguments and conflicts, reading non-verbal signs, and boosting your capacity for clear communication.

                      Featured photo credit: Moyan Brenn via flickr.com

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                      Last Updated on November 15, 2019

                      How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

                      How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

                      Habits are hard to kill, and rightly so. They are a part and parcel of your personality traits and mold your character.

                      However, habits are not always something over-the-top and quirky enough to get noticed. Think of subtle habits like tapping fingers when you are nervous and humming songs while you drive. These are nothing but ingrained habits that you may not realize easily.

                      Just take a few minutes and think of something specific that you do all the time. You will notice how it has become a habit for you without any explicit realization. Everything you do on a daily basis starting with your morning routine, lunch preferences to exercise routines are all habits.

                      Habits mostly form from life experiences and certain observed behaviors, not all of them are healthy. Habitual smoking can be dangerous to your health. Similarly, a habit could also make you lose out on enjoying something to its best – like how some people just cannot stop swaying their bodies when delivering a speech.

                      Thus, there could be a few habits that you would want to change about yourself. But changing habits is not as easy as it seems, why?

                      What Makes It Hard To Change A Habit?

                      To want to change a particular habit means to change something very fundamental about your behavior.[1] Hence, it’s necessary to understand how habits actually form and why they are so difficult to actually get out of.

                      The Biology

                      Habits form in a place what we call the subconscious mind in our brain.[2]

                      Our brains have two modes of operation. The first one is an automatic pilot kind of system that is fast and works on reflexes often. It is what we call the subconscious part. This is the part that is associated with everything that comes naturally to you.

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                      The second mode is the conscious mode where every action and decision is well thought out and follows a controlled way of thinking.

                      A fine example to distinguish both would be to consider yourself learning to drive or play an instrument. For the first time you try learning, you think before every movement you make. But once you have got the hang of it, you might drive without applying much thought into it.

                      Both systems work together in our brains at all times. When a habit is formed, it moves from the conscious part to the subconscious making it difficult to control.

                      So, the key idea in deconstructing a habit is to go from the subconscious to the conscious.

                      Another thing you have to understand about habits is that they can be conscious or hidden.

                      Conscious habits are those that require active input from your side. For instance, if you stop setting your alarm in the morning, you will stop waking up at the same time.

                      Hidden habits, on the other hand, are habits that we do without realizing. These make up the majority of our habits and we wouldn’t even know them until someone pointed them out. So the first difficulty in breaking these habits is to actually identify them. As they are internalized, they need a lot of attention to detail for self-identification. That’s not all.

                      Habits can be physical, social, and mental, energy-based and even be particular to productivity. Understanding them is necessary to know why they are difficult to break and what can be done about them.

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                      The Psychology

                      Habits get engraved into our memories depending on the way we think, feel and act over a particular period of time. The procedural part of memory deals with habit formation and studies have observed that various types of conditioning of behavior could affect your habit formations.

                      Classical conditioning or pavlovian conditioning is when you start associating a memory with reality.[3] A dog that associates ringing bell to food will start salivating. The same external stimuli such as the sound of church bells can make a person want to pray.

                      Operant conditioning is when experience and the feelings associated with it form a habit.[4] By encouraging or discouraging an act, individuals could either make it a habit or stop doing it.

                      Observational learning is another way habits could take form. A child may start walking the same way their parent does.

                      What Can You Do To Change a Habit?

                      Sure, habits are hard to control but it is not impossible. With a few tips and hard-driven dedication, you can surely get over your nasty habits.

                      Here are some ways that make use of psychological findings to help you:

                      1. Identify Your Habits

                      As mentioned earlier, habits can be quite subtle and hidden from your view. You have to bring your subconscious habits to an aware state of mind. You could do it by self-observation or by asking your friends or family to point out the habit for your sake.

                      2. Find out the Impact of Your Habit

                      Every habit produces an effect – either physical or mental. Find out what exactly it is doing to you. Does it help you relieve stress or does it give you some pain relief?

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                      It could be anything simple. Sometimes biting your nails could be calming your nerves. Understanding the effect of a habit is necessary to control it.

                      3. Apply Logic

                      You don’t need to be force-fed with wisdom and advice to know what an unhealthy habit could do to you.

                      Late-night binge-watching just before an important presentation is not going to help you. Take a moment and apply your own wisdom and logic to control your seemingly nastily habits.

                      4. Choose an Alternative

                      As I said, every habit induces some feeling. So, it could be quite difficult to get over it unless you find something else that can replace it. It can be a simple non-harming new habit that you can cultivate to get over a bad habit.

                      Say you have the habit of banging your head hard when you are angry. That’s going to be bad for you. Instead, the next time you are angry, just take a deep breath and count to 10. Or maybe start imagining yourself on a luxury yacht. Just think of something that will work for you.

                      5. Remove Triggers

                      Get rid of items and situations that can trigger your bad habit.

                      Stay away from smoke breaks if you are trying to quit it. Remove all those candy bars from the fridge if you want to control your sweet cravings.

                      6. Visualize Change

                      Our brains can be trained to forget a habit if we start visualizing the change. Serious visualization is retained and helps as a motivator in breaking the habit loop.

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                      For instance, to replace your habit of waking up late, visualize yourself waking up early and enjoying the early morning jog every day. By continuing this, you would naturally feel better to wake up early and do your new hobby.

                      7. Avoid Negative Talks and Thinking

                      Just as how our brain is trained to accept a change in habit, continuous negative talk and thinking could hamper your efforts put into breaking a habit.

                      Believe you can get out of it and assert yourself the same.

                      Final Thoughts

                      Changing habits isn’t easy, so do not expect an overnight change!

                      Habits took a long time to form. It could take a while to completely break out of it. You will have to accept that sometimes you may falter in your efforts. Don’t let negativity seep in when it seems hard. Keep going at it slowly and steadily.

                      More About Changing Habits

                      Featured photo credit: Mel via unsplash.com

                      Reference

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