“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.” ~Raymond Hull
What does overextending yourself look like? It resembles lunch on your lap, misplaced keys and wearing your shirt inside out. It looks like an elastic band that’s about to snap, and you can already anticipate the sting. Obviously, if you want to avoid the pain, it’s best you learn how to release the tension.
You need to hear this: if you’re being flung in every direction, then you’re not really following through on anything or doing anything particularly well.
Your internal foundation will be shaky; health, money, relationships and work will eventually crack. What’s even worse than that is the speed with which your life will fly by without enjoying all the simple moments, these moments which are your life.
We are all busy–relationships, kids, work and friends, and it’s good to be a go-getter, but when your Martha Stewart persona has been replaced with a frenzied Wile E Coyote, things are about to blow up.
Consider this scenario: The shrill voice of your good friend booms through the phone complaining about the stress of planning their exotic European vacation. Wait a second–what did she just say? Did she just say she needs you watch their dog? That’s right, the 120 pound Marley-and-Me replica; the one that chews, drools and tries to hump your sweet golden retriever.
The last ounce of energy has just been sucked out of you.Advertising
Okay, stop right there!
It’s okay to admit that you can’t take this on right now.
If you agree to babysit the Marley-and-Me devil, you will resent your friend for it. You will silently curse the nerve of her to drop this responsibility on you when you are in the middle of a major work project. This is going to strain your relationship.
Your family will take the brunt of this decision.
How will you respond? My bet is in two weeks time, you’ll be chasing Marley off your poor retriever with a broom.
We have a choice on how to respond to others’ demands. We are under no obligation. Our first priority must be our own needs.
I know you want to be helpful and agreeable. You likely hate conflict and have no idea even how to say NO. And I know that most of all, you don’t want to lose out on opportunities.Advertising
If we don’t recognize and satisfy our own needs then we are no good to anyone else. Like the elastic you will eventually snap. And then you’ll be of no use to your kids, work or your friend’s dog.
If any of this sounds like you, then you need to make some changes.
1. You spend time worrying about time.
This is the first clue. If you stress about even a five-minute change in schedule, jump right down to the solutions. You are overextended.
2. You eat on the go.
The last time you sat down for a proper meal was the family Thanksgiving dinner. Really?
3. You’re not getting enough sleep.
You’re so tired that all you can think about is sleep, but ironically, you’re so busy that you don’t get enough sleep. When you do blindly fall into bed at night, you wake up at the witching hour, compiling to-do lists while wrestling with your pillow.
That’s right, you’re starting to resemble a zombie.
4. You don’t have time for friends, favors or hobbies.
You haven’t seen your friends in months, haven’t had time to phone your siblings in weeks and can’t even remember the last time you did something spontaneous.Advertising
If you’re starting to resent people asking for favors, it might be time to consider cutting back.
5. Your Health.
Are you experiencing muscle tension, back aches or insomnia? While these symptoms could be from a number of issues, overextending yourself will cause stress, which we all know is the big “silent killer.”
6. Can’t handle changes.
You want, no, let me rephrase, you need everything to go exactly as planned, and it’s not going to go as planned. One little shift and like a Jenga puzzle, it’s all going to come toppling down around you.
If you’ve crossed over into this muddy territory, you’ll need to consider making some changes.
You will need to write a list to assess what changes you can make. I know you don’t have time for lists–that’s the problem, right? Well consider taking a day off work, or wake up extra early tomorrow.
Start with outer changes. Maybe hire a housekeeper or a babysitter or maybe take a break from social engagements. But along with outer changes, there are also some inner changes that will need to happen.
Let’s get back to a balanced life, shall we?
1. Put you first.
Put your own needs above all others. Much like in a plane, always put your mask on first; you are no good to anyone if you break down.Advertising
You are a mother/father, wife/husband, sister/brother and friend, but these roles don’t define who you are. Do you something you love once a week. Even if its just curling up with a good book.
Stop taking life so seriously. No matter what’s happening, life will go on; stop causing yourself unneeded stress.
3. Learn how to be assertive–say NO.
Helpful hints to saying “no” without causing a rift:
- Tell them “maybe,” then take the proper time to think it over.
- Be honest and explain that you can’t commit because you have previous priorities.
- Soften the blow by saying, “I’d love to but…”
- Give them a suggestion: “I’m not the best person to help you with that because…”
4. Ignore Expectations.
Accept that what others think you should do might not be what you want or need. And that’s okay. You need to learn that what other people love, like golf or skiing, you really don’t enjoy. Don’t be afraid to be honest. Lose your “shoulds” and realize that you don’t have to do anything.
5. You’re not Perfect.
If you miss a spot on the bathroom floor, it’s okay. Being perfect can replace any sense of fun with a nagging, soul-sucking, endless effort that never gets anything quite right. Stop obsessing; perfectionism will only leave you frustrated.
6. Make yourself a realistic schedule.
Take a deep breath and focus on one task at a time. Fully complete each task before moving onto the next.
So take care of yourself today.
Take time to:Advertising
- do something that will make YOU feel happy!
What items can you streamline in your life to make things smoother? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
Last Updated on January 13, 2022
10 Cheap And Amazing Honeymoon Ideas
A honeymoon is important. The wedding is over. The months, or even years, of stress and planning are finally over. It’s time for the two of you to relax, settle in, and start enjoying your time together as you embark on your first journey as a family.
To make the most of this time for the least amount of money, it’s important to focus on what you want out of a honeymoon. This isn’t your typical list of touristy honeymoon locations everyone goes to. Rather, it’s a list of cheap honeymoon experiences a couple can enjoy together, regardless of where it’s at.
A week long camping trip is a fantastic way to see how you mesh together as a couple. You’re put in a low impact “survival” situation where it’s just the 2 of you and nature. You have a chance to see how your new spouse handles themselves when left with the basics of life. There are amazing national parks all over the United States where you can camp for a week for $20-30, disconnect from technology, and enjoy some of the natural wonders our nation has to offer.
You don’t have to go anywhere for a honeymoon. In fact, the tradition of taking a honeymoon vacation is a relatively new one. Prior to the 19th century, a honeymoon involved staying home together for a month to get to know each other physically. Think of how blissful it could be to take a full month off work, disconnect from the outside world, and focus entirely on projects together. You may not be wowing your friends and family with pictures of some exotic location, but they’ll be envious of your escape from the rat race nonetheless.
3. Island Getaway
People tend to overspend on their honeymoon vacations to Hawaii, Tahiti, etc. Going to these places doesn’t have to be expensive. You don’t need to stay in a 5 star resort when you’re on a Best Western budget. You’re there to be in the atmosphere of the island, not a hotel room. Book a cheap flight and sleep in a hotel alternative, on the beach or in your car. It’s the view in paradise that really matters.
4. Fancy Resort
Book an expensive resort, spa, or retreat in the city you live in. While this may seem counterintuitive as a cheap destination, when you consider your savings on airfare and other travel costs, you can afford to be treated like royalty within your own city limits. If you book a honeymoon package, you’ll end up with a lot of free amenities and extra attention. There’s no need to fly halfway across the world to live the good life.
5. Road Trip
The journey is often more fulfilling than the actual destination. If you fly out to some exotic locale, you’ll be stuck on a plane for 8-30 hours. Rent a luxury car, pick a handful of places you each have always wanted to visit, and go on an adventure. You can keep food costs down by packing your own snacks, but it’s always a good idea to sample the local delicacies wherever you go, even if it’s only a few states over.
6. Charter a Boat
If the ocean is your thing, a week-long cruise can cost you $1500-$3000 per person, depending on the destination. You also have to factor in travel costs to and from the cruise, alcohol, souvenirs, and on-shore excursions. You’ll also be surrounded by people. For the same price (and often much cheaper), you can charter your own boat and enjoy the experience in private.
7. Las Vegas/Atlantic City
If gambling is your thing, these are the places to do it. Which one you choose depends on your preference, budget, and proximity. The way to make this vacation cheaper is to gamble smart. Stay away from low odd tables (i.e craps, roulette) and read up on the MIT blackjack strategies to beat the house. If you do it right, you can win enough for a free trip (and gain a valuable team skill in the process).
8. Themed Retreats
There are weeklong retreats all over the world where you can fully immerse yourselves as a couple into a hobby you’re both passionate about. Go on a yoga/meditation retreat, a ranch, a vineyard/farm, a backpacking adventure, treasure hunt, or whatever you’re into.
9. Working Honeymoon
Your honeymoon doesn’t have to be a vacation. For a truly memorable experience, dedicate a week to a charity or volunteer organization. You can drive out to a campground to help restore it in the offseason. Maybe you’ve always wanted to volunteer to help out your local animal shelter, plant trees, help the homeless, etc. Use the time to do something together as a couple that will fulfill you spiritually while contributing to the community. Just because you’re on a honeymoon doesn’t mean you can’t be productive.
10. Festivals, Fairs & Special Events
Every city, state, and country has festivals, fairs, and special events. Find one you’re interested in. If you time your wedding right, your honeymoon can be a trip to one of these festivals. Burning Man, SXSW, Bonnaroo, the Renaissance Fair, regional harvest festivals, Mardi Gras, New Years Eve in Times Square, a movie premiere, or whatever you’re into. If you plan your honeymoon at the right time in the right place, the possibilities are endless.
Featured photo credit: Josue Michel via unsplash.com