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15 Signs That It’s Time to Have a Baby

15 Signs That It’s Time to Have a Baby

Having children is the biggest decision most people make in their lives. It’s a huge responsibility. Children are expensive, they require most of your time, and they’ll be around for at least 18 years. Are you ready? Here are 15 signs that you may be ready for parenthood.

1. If you are between 25 and 35 years old

This seems to be the statistical sweet spot to have kids. Most people have kids when they’re between the ages of 25 and 35. If you’re in that age range, then you’re officially in the age range that most people have kids and that’s always a good start in figuring out if you’re ready to have kids.

2. Your priorities are in line

ready for parenthood

    You know where your money is going. Your bills are up to date, you have a stable place to live, and your job is stable. Your significant other is there to stay. When you get off of work you have literally nothing to do for the rest of the day because all the important stuff is done. When all your priorities are in order, then you’re definitely ready for the responsibility of having kids.

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    3. Your significant other is ready to have kids

    You’ll know it when it happens. They’ll start dropping hints about it. They seem to stare a little to long at other couples who have children. They walk by the baby stuff at the grocery store every single time you go. Obviously you shouldn’t be pressured into something you’re not ready for but if your significant other is ready to go then you know you’re not going into this alone and that’s helpful.

    4. You start enjoying being around other people’s children

    Your friends probably have kids. When the biological urge to have your own starts to hit you hard, you’ll compensate by enjoying spending time with other people’s kids. You volunteer to babysit. At picnics or BBQs, you’re the one with the pool noodles pretending to be the ocean monster or tossing the baseball around with the kids. If this sounds like you then you may be ready to have kids of your own.

    5. You start talking about when you have kids

    ready for parenthood

      This one requires a little self realization but you’ll know when it happens. You’ll begin to tell other people how you’ll raise your kids, what you’ll do with them, and how you’ll teach them things. You’ve heard other people say this stuff before. “Yeah when I have kids, I’m going to get them enrolled in music lessons at an early age. I hear that helps them develop better learning skills.” That is a person who is ready to have kids.

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      6. You have begun to have more non-romantic feelings

      This is the mother or father inside of you yearning to come out. You just have that urge to care about something or someone in a way you’ve never felt before. That’s kind of what parenthood feels like when you ask about it. It’s a different kind of love and one that isn’t immediately quantifiable. If you’re wanting something in your life to care for that much, maybe it’s time to have a kid so you can have it.

      7. You’ve started unconsciously planning for it

      You could have bought that Shelby Mustang. That one bedroom apartment downtown looked pretty good. Nope, you instead went and bought an SUV or a minivan and you moved out to the suburbs. Aren’t those the perfect things to have when raising a family? Why yes, yes they are. You may be planning on having kids someday but when you actually put into motion those plans then it means you’re pretty close to being ready to have kids.

      8. You’re ready to continue on the family traditions

      When you were a kid, you had traditions in your household. You may have had family Christmas parties or Thanksgiving dinners. You may go camping one week every summer with your family. It can be anything. When you start thinking about wanting to continue that family tradition, you’ll need kids to pass it on to. Thus, it’s a pretty good indication that you secretly want some kids when you’re having that urge to pass on the tradition.

      9. You treat your pets like people

      Having pets is nothing like having kids but there are some similarities. You have to feed them and clean up after them. You care about them more than some of your friends. However, when you start telling people that your pets are your kids, it’s really your subconscious shouting that you’re ready for the responsibility for real kids. It’s your biology speaking. If you’re will to pretend your pets are kids, then you’re probably ready to have your own kids.

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      10. Your attitude toward children’s things change

      Have you started enjoying things like Spongebob? Do you spot someone changing their kid’s diaper and not run away in terror? You may have found that the things kids do don’t gross you out quite as much as they used to or that the things they like aren’t as bad as you originally though. People who aren’t ready to have kids generally dislike the things that kids do. If you’re not one of those people, then you’re probably good to go with having your own.

      11. Your attitude toward other people having kids change

      When you’re ready to have kids then your friends having kids doesn’t seem like such a bad idea anymore. You’re not thinking about how lame they’re going to be. You’re not dreading the seemingly infinite number of baby pictures that’ll erupt from Facebook like a giant volcano. You’re excited for them and that means you’ll be excited for you when it happens to you.

      12. Sleeping in doesn’t sound as much fun as it used to

      Everybody knows that having kids means you won’t get a good night’s rest again until they go visit grandma and grandpa for the weekend. If the thought of waking up at 6 a.m. every morning is something that sounds just horrible then you may not be ready for kids yet. If you’re already waking up kind of early and you don’t really look forward to waking up at noon then you’re already ready to deal with arguably one of the worst parts of having a baby.

      13. Going clubbing sounds like a bad idea

      Or really any late-night activities. Going to the bar, going to the club, going to a house party, or really going anywhere where there is shenanigans can be included. If you’re done with that kind of lifestyle it’s probably because you’re ready for a different kind of lifestyle. One where bed time is earlier, the activities are more PG, and one that involves having kids.

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      14. You’re ready for more challenges

      ready for parenthood

        If you’re currently bored with life then you may need a new, much harder challenge. Raising kids is very challenging and never boring. You’re going to teach them how to use the bathroom, tie shoes, drive, the birds and the bees, and how to avoid and learn from mistakes. It’s a 24/7 responsibility and some people simply aren’t ready for that kind of commitment. If you’re feeling like your life needs more responsibility then maybe it’s time to give yourself some more responsibility.

        15. Your outlook on life changes

        There is a point in all of our lives where we live for us. It’s about what makes us happy. We’re buying the food we want and the gadgets we want. We go where we want and do what we want. Eventually that feeling fades and you start wanting to live for others. Suddenly other people’s lives matter as much as your own. You start buying things with other people in mind. You start allowing your life to be planned around others. You may even start feeling bad when you do something selfish. If that sounds like the transition you’re going through, it’s because you’re preparing yourself to be a parent. When you have kids, they’re the ones that matter and deep down you know that. When you can put the lives of others ahead of your own, you’re ready to have kids.

        Featured photo credit: BT Connect via home.btconnect.com

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        Last Updated on February 20, 2019

        13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with Them and Enjoy the Ride

        13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with Them and Enjoy the Ride

        Fear. I spend my life talking about fear — fighting fears, fixing fears and understanding fears. And yet I doubt I get 10 calls a year from people saying “Mandie can you help me fix my fear?”

        Why is this so critically important to you?

        The realization for me is that fear is not the fundamental driving force in your life it’s what regardless of whether I’m talking to a doctor, a teacher, a CEO’s, a senior citizens or teenager – every single one of those conversations has a direct correlation with your world.

        Fear can range from the overwhelming desire to look away or stop in your tracks to literally fleeing your country and the life you knew. In this article, I will share you with 13 tips to face your fears and enjoy the ride.

        1. Know That Fear Is Real, but Can Be Overcome

        Right now around the world people are facing fear — real fear. Fear that I pray my children and I will never experience. Does that lessen my fears or your fears in your relativity safe 21st century life?

        When I look at the world we all live in, I find that fear like so many other emotions can mean so many different things to so many different people:

        • The child who has to be physically dragged to their first day of school.
        • The man facing the judge.
        • The woman with her hand poised over the buttons over her phone because she has to walk down a dark corridor late at night alone.
        • The man as the surgeon says “count backwards from 10 Mr Smith.”
        • The woman that’s told “We are sorry, we can’t help you.”
        • The man that faces the empty circle of a gun and prays for his very existence.

        These and a million more (Portrayed in every kind of movie, book or song you could imagine) are what make us human. We face fear and somehow move forward or are stopped in our tracks.

        Like the rabbit in the headlights of the car that veers off through the field away from the tyres of the car or stays still praying for salvation. Like someone will save them. Sound familiar?

        Fear is huge. Fear is everywhere and yet fear can be overcome, controlled and can even be a power for good.

        2. Accept Your Fear

        Firstly if you aren’t facing the barrel of the gun, atrocities that make the news or impeding death, that’s a good start. However it doesn’t mean your fear is any less real.

        We are quick to say “I can’t moan, my life is not as bad as X.” While in theory, that’s honorable your appreciation of Mr. or Mrs. X’s horrific life won’t change anything directly. So accept your fear is relative to you.

        And here’s what can be done.

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        3. Get Some Perspective

        I found myself asking anyone that would answer “what is your worst fear”. The answer that intrigued me the most came from my daughter (15 years old and she usually has a copy of Fight the Fear – my book – in her school bag so she can help someone else be as positive and confident as her. No matter what life throws up.)

        And her fear, surprised me — heights. I pointed out that we live in a sprawling bungalow (one storey) and the highest she goes is two storeys’ at school! She laughed but added, fear isn’t like that Mum. I know it’s not a real fear, but it’s like when you stand on a chair and feel unsafe.

        That girl will go far. Because she truly gets fear.

        We know something is scary and yet we still do it. Why? Because we have a perspective to the fear. When you lose perspective, it can feel too big, and too scary.

        So look around you to get some perspective on your fear:

        • Are you really at risk?
        • Will this kill you?
        • Which leads us on to..
        • If the worse was to happen what would it be?

        4. Hold a Hand

        As a coach, it is my job to holds someone’s metaphorical hand and help them face a fear.

        Like the child petrified of the thunder storm or the teen that can’t get back in a car again after failing their test, your job as a parent is to reassure, encourage, enable and motivate someone to face something that ideally they never would choose to again.

        We know many of our fears aren’t real. However, it is only when someone guides us with love, respect, lack of judgement and safety are we able to get through fear. And trust me, you can get through your fears. I’ve seen it so many times.

        Ask yourself:

        • If the worse were to happen, what would that be?
        • Could that really happen?
        • If the worse did happen, how would you recover?
        • If the worse were to happen, what would you need to do next?

        By seeing fear as not the end destination but part of being human, you can see through it’s wily evil ways and move forward.

        5. Know Whose Hand You Hold Either Physically or Emotionally

        This helps with fears for the rest of your life.

        Think of someone you can always rely on (and ideally you won’t just answer yourself because that adds a lot of pressure to your existence!) And you will find that you’ve already found a way to get through fear.

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        The beauty of this is that it means that fear becomes part of life not something to be feared and shied away from.

        It means you know you can turn to your friend, partner, colleague, parent, sibling and say “Right I need to deal with this, and I’m going to need you to help me.”

        For one moment, think about it from the other person’s view point. When we get to help other people we feel valued, loved, respected and lots of other positive emotions and we get a good dose of positive chemicals setting off in our bodies too.

        Your fear, and your determination to fight it, helped someone else too. Now that’s cool right?

        6. Understand That There Are Some Things Fear Will Never Touch

        I like to find role models in life — people who have faced heroism, history changing moments, war, atrocities, miracles, life saving inventions.

        Not everyone was looking for greatness, however they all found it. And one of my favourite books to date is written about Alistair Urquhart, the forgotten highlander. If this doesn’t get turned into a film in the future, then no man’s story is likely to.

        Alistair went through the most horrific experiences in the 2nd world war. If you think of one of the awful things that happened back then in our world, Alistair went through at least 3 of them! Asked afterwards how did you cope? He talked about how whatever they did to his body, no matter how they starved, tortured, threatened or mocked him, they couldn’t have his mind. In his mind he was free.

        Of all the people’s voices I’ve heard in my head over the years, this is one of those statements that reminds me anything is possible if you have faith and hope.

        Look for the things in life that fear can’t touch. They will create confidence and faith for the future, whatever you face. And they will give you a sense of why being you is awesome.

        Of all the billions of people on this planet, no one will have an answer identical to yours!

        7. Process Your Fears to Carry on with Life

        Being brave is not about sticking your chest out and smiling regardless of what hell you endure. It is about finding a way to emotionally process your fears to be able to keep going.

        I have a tool kit of things I can rely on – tools, strategies, techniques. They include people to hug or talk to, music. hobbies, walks on the beach and even my favourite food. It sounds mad but at the times where I have questioned “how will I get through this?” I’ve found immense joy in doing the most unlikely of thing that makes me smile.

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        It may be a short lived moment of happiness. However, it reminded that nothing stays the same and I can find away.

        One client told me that it was crazy when it felt like their world was falling around their ears to run a bath to the brim (you don’t waste water) get the best bath oils, light too many candles, lock the door and drink a glass of bubbly (champagne is only for special occasions.)

        Did that moment fix the disaster that my clients life felt? No, however it gave them a moment of calm and the brain is far quicker to find solutions, resolve and motivation to keep going when you do that.

        It may feel like madness to do something you love, however it can be a powerful way to help you find solutions to the fears you face in life.

        8. Assume the Worse

        If you read the statement from the client above. Notice how they assumed it was wrong to fill the bath up to the top? How bubbly is only for special occasions?

        Think how naughty they felt to be doing something that was not allowed?

        • Think about what age it may have made them feel?
        • Think about how they feel about champagne?
        • What special moments it’s been a part of in their lives?

        And you can see how the assumptions they made about their “right” to have these things was not healthy.

        When I drag the assumptions out of people’s words for them to see, they are often struck by how negative the words make them feel.

        Don’t assume your words aren’t impacting on you. You can go through fear and actually enjoy the ride when you take the time to understand how you are letting words get to you.

        9. Take a Fear That Feels Insurmountable Right Now.

        If you were to repeat it to me out loud, what would you say?

        Would you have blame on yourself in there? Would you assume others can do it and it’s just you? Would you feel small, unsuccessful, useless, unworthy?

        Usually, when you do this exercise, you are able to spot the untruths that run wild in your head convincing you that you are doomed. And rarely when we are faced with our assumptions is there is a lot of evidence to them.

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        10. You Are Not Defined by Your Fear

        One fear does not define your life – be mindful of that. It is likely to lead you to thinking of all the times you’ve succeeded and bring a moment of calm, confidence and faith back to you.

        11. Go with Fear

        When you learn to go with fear, you could find yourself actually having fun, no seriously – having fun.

        I have a few amazing clients I’m working with right now who would describe themselves as life long worriers, or pessimists. In the past that has served them well, enabling them to keep safe, steer clear of risks and even develop strategies in the event of disasters. However, now they find it’s becoming hard to break the cycle and they really want to because it’s holding them back.

        Notice how they’ve found their hidden fears and want to face them?

        One client said “I knew this was going to be tough, and I knew I couldn’t fight it alone and I knew you would be the one to help me.” Before I sat an incredibly successful, confident, capable business owner with a family and a social life to die for.

        However, I’ve learned that the most successful looking lives can hide things that impact on life, success, love, happiness and business.

        We didn’t start with the fear that they felt was holding them back, we broke the fear down, and found lots of little obstacles that had been deemed as “life” and “unchangeable” and “that’s just the way it is” by developing awareness to the little steps on the road to their obstacles to happiness and success they were able to tackle them in a different way.

        12. Discover Great Skills in Your Scary Moments

        And in that clients words “I came here to work with you to grow my company, and my own personal skills. I didn’t expect to get the children to be cleaning up after themselves and my partner being more attentive! It all feels a little magic.”

        The moral is that out of the scariest of moments, we can find great skills we didn’t know we had. Find better, healthier, happier ways to live and find ways to enjoy life more. (And have a bit of magic!)

        What a great place to be in ready for the next fear that thinks it’s going to get in the way of you, right?

        13. Own Your Fear

        Think back over these tips and come up with at least one example for each one. Write them down. Put them on your phone. Turn them into a piece of art. Turn them into a poem. Frame them. Go for a fast walk across the fields, beach, down town and repeat these things in your head to the sound of your feet on the ground.

        We rarely take the time to appreciate how far we have come, how much we can achieve or what we are capable of – by really owning the tips in this article you will have given your brain a big fat dose of “Damn right I can do this!” and the motivation and accountability to say “Let’s find a way” through any fear.

        You can’t help but feel good when you see that can you? And fear doesn’t stand a chance, does it?

        More Resources About Fighting Fear

        Featured photo credit: Ben White via unsplash.com

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