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10 Things Your Therapist Won’t Tell You But Wants You to Know

10 Things Your Therapist Won’t Tell You But Wants You to Know

Making the decision to see a therapist can be both scary and empowering. Knowing that you have issues to address, and having the strength to do so, is a great first step toward personal growth and healing. Sadly, fear of the unknown and a misunderstanding of the process often prevents people from seeking the help they need and desire. For those who would like to begin the therapeutic journey, but are hesitant to do so, it may be helpful to have some information provided by someone who sits in the other chair.

1. We wish we could be as blunt as Dr. Phil.

If you really desire change, you’ll welcome honesty. And we will be honest with you, we just have to be careful in how we do so. Therapists are trained to be non-judgmental and non-offensive. In some cases we may know that the best way to get through to a person is to give a dose of good old-fashioned “in your face” truth, but we want you to keep coming back.

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2. We have our own problems, and you can benefit from them.

You don’t want a therapist who has had a perfect life, free of conflict or turmoil. You don’t want to be looking for guidance from someone who has never had to figure out the best way to handle a difficult personal situation. We won’t tell you our life stories during your session, but you can benefit from our successful problem-solving skills just the same.

3. You should want us to talk about you…in private.

It benefits you when we talk about your case (confidentially, of course) to our colleagues and mentors. Sometimes we need to bounce things off of each other and brainstorm the best way to help you. This type of consultation really does help you in the long run. Let us know you’re okay with this.

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4. We don’t always know the perfect solution.

Just as we should be humble enough to ask for advice from our colleagues, we should also recognize when the problems you are facing are beyond our expertise. We will always help you the best way we can, holding true to our code of ethics, but if we discover that you would benefit from talking to someone with more experience in your area of difficulty, we will likely recommend a referral.

5. We are not in it for the money.

Yes, there are practitioners who make a lucrative income practicing their professions. But don’t forget the level of time, effort and money they have put into becoming qualified to do what they do. The truth is, a lot of helping professionals are not paid a generous amount to practice, but are there for you anyway because…

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6. We do care about you.

We may appear to be detached at times, but we are trained to remain objective. We can’t help you figure out your issues if we become as entangled in them as you are. But there is no way we could sit across from you day after day, witnessing your pain and suffering, if we didn’t truly want to help you.

7. Not all of us are good at what we do.

As much as we’d like to think otherwise, we know there are therapists out there who are not qualified to counsel properly. These “helpers” may have questionable or inadequate training, or they may have chosen their career path for misguided reasons. Either way, they are harmful and will give you bad advice. Do your homework! Ask about educational background, areas of expertise, treatment philosophy and overall approach to the process. Make sure you are confident in the therapist’s ability to help you.

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8. It may take several tries to find the right therapist for you.

Not every match is perfect the first time around. Sometimes you need to search a little to find the right fit. Therapy should be slightly uncomfortable–discomfort breeds change–but that refers to the process, not the therapist. If anything about the therapist’s beliefs or approach puts up a red flag for you, talk about it. Ask questions and share your concerns. A good therapist will welcome this discussion. If you cannot resolve the problem, it may be time to move on.

9. You may not be ready for therapy right now.

Just as you need to be sure you are working with the right therapist, you also need to be sure you are seeking help at the right time. If you are not truly ready to change, you are wasting both your time and ours. Nothing aggravates a therapist more than someone who reserves an appointment, and then either doesn’t participate fully and honestly, or doesn’t show up at all. How quickly you heal is ultimately up to you.

10. A lot of this information should be shared with you up front.

None of what is disclosed in this article is top secret. Lots of important information will be given to you in the beginning stages of your therapy, and you will be asked to provide a lot of information to the therapist as well. A good therapist will take time to explain the process, provide the reasons behind all of the initial questions, and to ease your worries as you embark on the path to greater personal achievement.

Whether you have already begun the counseling process, or are still in the consideration phase, it is important to know that the therapist is there as a resource and a facilitator of your success. Helping others is in our nature, but we are human and cannot alone work miracles. Successful therapy is a journey defined by genuine commitment, willful self-exploration and meaningful communication.

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Last Updated on October 16, 2018

What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

Are you afraid of being alone?  Do you worry about your physical safety or do you fear loneliness? These are strong negative feelings that can impact your health.

One study found that when older people are socially isolated, there is an increased risk of an earlier death,[1] by as much as 26%.

If you experience loneliness and are worried about your fear of being alone, study these 6 ways to help you find your comfort zone.

But first, the good news!

How many times have you said to yourself, ‘I just can’t wait to be alone’? This might be after a day’s work, an argument with your partner or after a noisy dinner with friends. You need time to be yourself, gather your thoughts, relish the silence and just totally chill out. These are precious moments and are very important for your own peace of mind and mental refreshment.

But for many people, this feeling is not often present and loneliness takes over. As Joss Whedon once said,

‘Loneliness is about the scariest thing out there’.

Read on and discover how you can exploit being alone to your own advantage and how you can defeat loneliness.

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1. Embrace loneliness

When you are alone, it is important to embrace it and enjoy it to the full.

Wallow in the feeling that you do not have to be accountable for anything you do. Pursue your interests and hobbies. Take up new ones. Learn new skills. Lie on the couch. Leave the kitchen in a mess. The list can go on and on, but finding the right balance is crucial.

There will be times when being on your own is perfect, but then there will be a creeping feeling that you should not be so isolated.

When you start to enjoy being alone, these 10 amazing things will happen.

Once you start feeling loneliness, then it is time to take action.

2. Facebook is not the answer

Have you noticed how people seek virtual contacts instead of a live, face-to-face interaction? It is true that social networking can provide an initial contact, but the chances of that becoming a real life personal contact is pretty slim.

Being wrapped up in a cloud of sharing, liking and commenting (and insulting!) can only increase loneliness.

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When you really want company, no one on Facebook will phone you to invite you out.

3. Stop tolerating unhappy relationships

It is a cruel fact of life that people are so scared of loneliness that they often opt into a relationship with the wrong person.

There is enormous pressure from peers, family and society in general to get married or to be in a stable, long-term relationship. When this happens, people start making wrong decisions, such as:

  • hanging out with toxic company such as dishonest or untrustworthy people;
  • getting involved with unsuitable partners because of the fear of being alone or lonesome;
  • accepting inappropriate behavior just because of loneliness;
  • seeking a temporary remedy instead of making a long-term decision.

The main problem is that you need to pause, reflect and get advice. Recognize that your fear of being alone is taking over. A rash decision now could lead to endless unhappiness.

4. Go out and meet people

It was the poet John Donne (1572 – 1631) who wrote:

‘No man is an island, entire of itself, every man is a piece of the continent’.

Human contact is essential to surviving in this world. Instead of wallowing in boredom and sadness, you need to get out as much as possible and seek contacts.

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Being a member of a group, however tenuous, is a great way. So when you are in the gym, at church or simply at a club meeting, exploit these contacts to enlarge your social circle.

There is no point in staying at home all the time. You will not meet any new people there!

Social contacts are rather like delicate plants. You have to look after them. That means telephoning, using Skype and being there when needed.

Take a look at this guide on How to Meet New People and Make Friends with The Best.

5. Reach out to help someone in need

A burden shared is a burden halved.

Dag Hammarskjold was keenly aware of this fact when he said:

‘What makes loneliness an anguish is not that I have no one to share my burden but this: I have only my own burden to bear’.

Simply put, it is a two-way street. Helping others actually helps yourself, here’s why.

Reach out to help and people will be there when you need them.

6. Be grateful and count your blessings

Study after study shows that if people show gratitude, they will reap a bountiful harvest. These include a stronger immune system, better health, more positive energy and most important of all, feeling less lonely and isolated.

If you do not believe me, watch the video below, ‘What good is gratitude?’  Now here is the path to hope and happiness:

Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

Reference

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