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Top 5 Ways Your Partner May Be Hiding Secrets from You

Top 5 Ways Your Partner May Be Hiding Secrets from You

The longstanding movie-enhanced image of fairy dust being sprinkled over a couple in true love is indeed quite romantic. These days, however, an alarming number of relationships aren’t quite so picture-perfect. Couples therapy expert Esther Perel concurs, saying that “When I entered marriage I bought into the whole romantic package. I want my husband to take care of everything. I want to never feel anxious again, never feel a fear of abandonment. It’s the complete merge model. But that’s very different than the millennials I work with.”

As most people are aware, trust is the most important ingredient in making a relationship work. Oftentimes though, there’s cause for concern where it’s not unreasonable to suspect your partner of hiding secrets from you. The secrets your partner might be hiding from you could range from something as innocuous as opening your mail to something sneaky like having a secret bank account to something as deathly serious as infidelity with your neighbor. It’s never been as easy as it is today for your partner to keep secrets from you; so easy, in fact, that you won’t believe the types of things partners sometimes hide from one another.

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    With all of this in mind, we have compiled a list of the top 5 ways that your partner may be hiding secrets from you. If the integrity of your relationship matters to you, it is worth your while to be on the lookout for telltale signs that something may be amiss so that you can address these issues and resolve them amicably.

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    1. Think your partner likes your food? Think again!

    It is often said that “the way to a man’s heart goes through his stomach”. In other words, serve him some great food and you will win his love. Many ladies enjoy cooking for their men, but whether the guys actually love the cooking might be up for debate. Plenty of men can not stand the taste of the cuisine their partners feed them but adopt a diplomatic approach and compliment the food anyhow. Unbeknownst to their partners, however, these men might be discarding the homemade cuisine in favor of take away food.

    Think that could never happen to you? Next time your man comes home, ask him whether he enjoyed the lunch you made for him to take to work. Then interrogate him with some follow-up questions about the food. If you have left him dinner in the fridge because you were out for the night, ask him about that too the next day. If you think your partner might be hiding a secret or concealing the fact that he does not like your food, you should be certain that it is worth your while to prepare it for him in the first place!

    Life Hack 2

      2. Your partner went Where?

      Naturally, you and your partner ought to be spending a lot of time together. Of course, as individuals we are all entitled to some “me time”. Then again, there should certainly be limits as to the activities you engage in alone. This concept may be a foreign one to your partner though or, worse still, he might be taking unfair advantage of time away from you. For all you know, while your partner could be telling you that he’s just having a night out with the guys, that night could have been out at a gentlemen’s club or spent enjoying the company of women.

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      On a far lesser scale, it might seem to you like your partner has become a little “extra eager” to take the dog out for walks or head to the park often with your kids. While it’s certainly possible he’s just being nice and trying to give you some time of your own to chill and relax, he might also be engaging in other activities you are unaware of. At the other end of the spectrum, he might even hint at you and him taking separate holidays from one another. Especially if it is the first time he has ever brought up something like that, you might want to investigate where precisely he wants to go and if there’s some sort of ulterior motive he’s got going on. If you notice a sudden, or even gradual, change in your partner’s routine that allows him for more time away from you, it’s not unjustified to start suspecting that he’s hiding something from you or that there may be cause for concern.

      3. More money, more problems?

      In many relationships there’s a division of labor and chores. This often means that just one of the two partners takes responsibility for money-related issues. If that person is your partner, then perhaps you should consider paying a little extra attention to what’s going on in the bank account.While your credit card may not indicate any suspicious activity in the form of purchases you don’t recognize, if your partner is hiding something money-related from you he may be doing so in cash. Check your bank balance once in a while to see if you notice any out-of-the-ordinary ATM withdrawals. If you do happen to notice your man walking around with more cash than usual, it would not hurt to ask why he’s carrying it all around.

      Beyond that, if you have got a partner who is determined to hide some secrets from you, it is not unreasonable to think that he might have a separate bank account you are not aware of. Maybe he is channeling funds in there to support a recreational gambling habit he thinks you would not approve of? And if you think this is impossible, as you would otherwise find evidence like gambling software on the computer, think again. Many gambling operators offer up an instant play casino platform which would allow someone to play while not leaving tracks. To be fair, it is possible that your partner is hiding something from you, money-wise, because he wants to buy something nice for you without you knowing about it in advance. In fact, there are even how-to articles online that give guys tips for how to keep that surprise from you. So if you notice a little money missing from the piggy bank, it might not be all that bad and you should certainly consider discussing the situation before initiating a hostile confrontation.

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      Life Hack

        4. Nothing to see here, we are just Browsing

        When it comes to Internet browsing and other online activities, modern-day technology has made it possible to hide things pretty easily. Thus, it’s not uncommon to wonder if your partner might be using these technologies to hide secrets from you. Some of the measures he might be taking to ensure you remain blissfully unaware of his online activities include the use of private browsing, as well as the creation of fake user profiles with which to visit certain unsavory corners of the Web.

        If you are pretty certain that your partner does not engage in such activities from their home computer, it still does not mean that he is not utilizing mobile technology for these purposes. For instance, there are ways of hiding apps on your Smartphone, and the fact is that if your partner has gone to the trouble of using technology to conceal things from you as far as his online surfing habits go there is no telling what he might be up to when you’re not around or not looking over his shoulder. While no partner should automatically suspect their significant other of impropriety, the bottom line is that technology makes it easier than ever before to hide secrets and live separate existences.

        Life Hack 3

          5. Is that “eau de mystique” I can Smell?

          Too many bad habits can be malodorous. If your partner is engaged in some of those bad habits and wants to keep them a secret from you, there are many ways he could be masking their smell. For instance, if you notice that he’s recently taken up the habit of chewing gum or suddenly starts carrying breath mints around with him wherever he goes, he might be trying to hide a new smoking habit from you. So if your partner suddenly walks into the house at the end of a long workday smelling as fresh as a daisy or as though they have bathed in cologne, this might serve as a warning flag for you. Sure, he may just be refreshing himself after a tiring or challenging day, but it does not take too much imagination to wonder if he might have been engaging in other activities while at the office or out inthe town with friends.

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          This is especially true with activities that carry with them another person’s fragrance that he may be trying to hide, while a sudden change in your partner’s behavior is also liable to be questioned. With this in mind, keep your wits about you and commit to using all of your senses to see if your partner is hiding something from you. Your instinct is also important, and you should not be afraid to raise issues that are causing you concern in a frank, calm and proactive manner.

          Life Hack 4

            The Bottom Line

            Naturally, we would encourage partners to be fully open with one another through the course of their relationship. If you do suspect that your partner is hiding something from you, we do not advocate confronting them about it right away, or in an overly aggressive manner that prevents them from responding adequately. Trust in a relationship is sacred and can be difficult to repair if breached. For that reason, it may be worth your while to follow these steps to confirm your suspicions about your partner before actually making a move to do something about it.

            Featured photo credit: Eddy Van via flickr.com

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            Last Updated on July 13, 2020

            9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

            9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

            It’s common to be struck with a bout of pessimism, or to naturally be more towards the pessimistic end of the perspective spectrum. It’s hard to see the positives in life and become an optimist when you’re lost in the murky waters of negative thinking.

            However, Henrik Edberg, the founder of The Positivity Blog is here to share nine ways we can create a more optimistic outlook and positive perspective:

            “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” — Maria Robinson

            When I was younger — in my teens and early 20s — I was trapped. Not physically, but mentally: by the destructive thought pattern called pessimism. This negative thinking poisoned what might have been a pretty good and opportunity-filled childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. This pessimism created ceilings and walls where there really were none.

            Throughout the period when I was ridden by pessimism, my life and I mostly stood still. Looking back, it was a terrible waste. If you are in pessimistic place, you don’t have to stay there for the rest of your life. I didn’t, for I learned to replace my negative thinking with optimism.

            In this article I’ll explore nine positivity habits that have helped me to go from someone who was pessimistic most of the time to someone who is now optimistic almost all the time. I recommend to not try to add all the habits at one go but to choose one habit and to practice it for 30 days so it becomes a habit, before adding the next.

            1. Ask Yourself the Right Questions

            This is the simplest but perhaps also the most important habit I have discovered in adopting an optimistic mindset. The questions we ask ourselves day in and day out when we wind up in negative, difficult or uncertain situations make all the difference in our life.

            A pessimist might ask him/herself questions like:

            • “Why did this happen to me?”
            • “Why do bad things happen to me all the time?”

            But an optimist asks him/herself the questions that open up the mind to new viewpoints and possibilities. A few of my favorite questions for finding the optimistic perspective are:

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            • “What is one good thing about this situation?”
            • “What can I learn from this situation?”
            • “What is one small step I can take today to start solving this situation?”

            2. Create a Positive Environment to Live In

            The people you spend your time with and the information you let influence your mind will have a huge effect on your attitude and how you think about things.

            Watch this YouTube video and learn the power of a positive environment:

            So choose to:

            • Spend more time with the people who lift you up. And less time – or no time – with people who just bring you down by being negative and critical. Read: You are the Average of the 5 People You Spend the Most Time With
            • Let in the information that supports you. Spend less time on negative and self-esteem damaging media sources and spend more time reading positive and constructive blogs and books, watching motivating movies, listening to inspirational songs, and listening to audio books and podcasts created by optimistic people. Check out 12 Inspirational Movies With Important Life Lessons To Learn and 25 Most Inspirational Songs of All Time.

            3. Be Grateful for What You Have (Don’t Forget About Yourself Too)

            A very simple and quick way to boost the positive energy in your life is to tap into gratitude.

            I usually do it by asking one or more of these questions:

            1. What can I be grateful for in my life today?
            2. Who are 3 people that I can be grateful to have in my life and why?
            3. What are 3 things I can be grateful for about myself?

            Just spend 60 seconds or a few minutes during your day with answering one of these questions to reap the wonderful benefits.

            4. Don’t Forget About Your Physical Self

            Being an optimist isn’t just about thinking in a different way. It is also about caring for the physical part of ourselves.

            I have found that working out a couple of times a week, enough quality sleep each night and eating healthy food has a huge effect on my mindset.

            If I mismanage those very basic things then negative thoughts pop up far more often and I become more pessimistic and shut down about the possibilities in my life.

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            So don’t neglect these basic fundamentals. Just caring for your physical self the right way can minimize a whole bunch of problems in life.

            5. Start Your Day in an Optimistic Way

            The way you start your morning can set the tone for the rest of your day. For example, a stress-free morning often leads to less stress during the rest of the day.

            So how can you set an optimistic tone for your day?

            A three-step combination that has worked very well for me is to ask myself a gratitude question during breakfast, read some positive information online or in a book very early in the morning and then follow that up with exercising.

            This sets my mind on the right path and fills me up with energy for my day.

            6. Focus on Solutions

            A sure way to feel more negative about a situation is to sit around and do nothing about it. Instead, use the questions I shared in step one and open up your mind to the possibilities of the situation you are in.

            If you have trouble to get started with taking action, ask yourself:

            What is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling?

            Then take that small step forward. However small this step is, it can have a big effect in your mood and thoughts. If the step feels too big or it just makes you procrastinate, then ask yourself:

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            What is an even smaller step I can take to move forward today?

            The most important thing is to move forward, even if it’s a tiny baby step.

            7. Reduce Your Worries

            The worrying habit is a powerful and destructive one and can take over anyone’s thinking. It used to be one of my biggest obstacles to optimism and to moving forward in life.

            Two effective steps that have helped me and still help me to this day to minimize the worries are:

            1. Ask yourself: how many of my worries ever happened in reality? If you are like me you will find that the answer is: very few. Most of the things you fear throughout your life will never happen. They are just nightmares or monsters in your own mind. This question can help you to do a reality check, to calm down and to realize that you have most likely just been building another imaginary nightmare.
            2. Focus on solutions and the action you can take. The worries grow stronger in a foggy mind and an inactive body. So use the questions in Steps 1 and 6 to move out of your worries and into resolution.

            8. Don’t Let Ideals Ruin Things

            A common mistake people make when making a shift in their attitudes is that they think that they have be perfect and do things perfectly all the time. This traps them from being positive.

            Changing to a positive attitude can be gradual. While you may slip and stumble, continuing this way over time will strengthen your positive viewpoint more and more.

            But if you set an inhuman standard for yourself and think you have to go from being a pessimist to always being an optimist, then you may find it hard to live up to that. And so you may feel like a failure. You get angry with yourself. And you may even give up on changing this habit and fall back into negative thinking.

            So instead, focus on gradual change. If you are optimistic 40% of the time right now, try to improve this to being optimistic 60% of the time. Then, increase that to 80% when you are used to the new standard, then subsequently 100% if you can.

            This focus on gradual improvement is far more sustainable and likely to bring long-term success than trying to reach an inhuman standard grounded in perfection.

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            9. Finally, a Reminder to Help You to Not Give Up

            I would like to end this article with a simple but powerful and timeless thought that comforted and encouraged me to continue on when things looked bleak.

            That thought is: It is always darkest before the dawn.

            This thought has helped me to hold on and keep going when my social skills and dating life was just plain bad. It has helped me to continue on in my online business when things looked like they would never pick up. It has helped me to put one foot over another even when things looked dark.

            I have found this thought to be very true. Why? Because when things seemed to be at the lowest for my blog, business, dating life or life in general, something positive would always happened. That’s probably because being at a low point forced me to change how I did things.

            But maybe also because life has a way of evening itself out when I go on. By taking action rather than give up, something good will always happens.

            Seeing this thought live itself out has strengthened my belief in staying optimistic, in taking action and to keep going even when going through rough patches.

            Re-syndicated 9 Simple Habits to Stay Positive in Life | Personal Excellence

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            Featured photo credit: Allie Smith via unsplash.com

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