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Top 20 Signs You Know How To Love Yourself And Treat Yourself Well

Top 20 Signs You Know How To Love Yourself And Treat Yourself Well

One trait that confident, successful, happy people share is the ability to know how to fall in love with themselves and prioritize their self-care. When Richard Branson looks in the mirror he sees a winner.  How many of these self-love habits do you have?

20. You Celebrate Your Success

You aren’t afraid to admit when you have made a mistake, mistakes are just hiccups on the pathway to success. And when you have success, you celebrate yourself. A little champagne toast, a happy dance or even a high five to the mirror is sufficient. Reminding yourself on a daily basis of all the great things you do reinforces the things you can do more of and to motivates you to keep going when success seems scarce.

19. You Know Exactly What You Like and Aren’t Afraid to Ask For It

Knowing what you want is the first step. Having a strong sense of who you are begins with knowing what you like. If you aren’t sure what you like, you can start with what you don’t like and surmise that the opposite might be your preference. Once you know what you want, be comfortable and assertive in asking for it. You never know if you don’t ask.

18. You Know Your Strengths & Weaknesses

A self-actualized person is attuned to both their strengths and weaknesses. They use their strengths and find a team to support them in their weak areas. I know I am an idea person and my husband is great at planning so together we are both more capable than apart.

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17. You Have a Strong Sense of Purpose

People who love themselves and take care of themselves have a great capacity to recognize their purpose or dharma and act on it. If you are feeling like you are lacking direction or purpose, spending some time on self-care is an excellent way to re-boot your connection to purpose and recharge your energy to keep moving forward.

16. You Have Strong Connections

When you love yourself, others are attracted to this energy like moths to a flame. This allows you to develop strong bonds with friends and family. According to positive psychology expert Dascher Keltner, people who have strong social connection are happier.

15. You Enjoy Feeling Strong Emotions

You might be overwhelmed by a cheesy commercial or by seeing an elderly couple holding hands at the mall. These emotions feel great and rather than suppressing them you have learned to love them, recognizing that how you feel is your body’s way of telling you what you want or don’t want in life.

14. You Listen To Your Body

You don’t follow the latest diet craze but you do recognize what feels good for you both physically and emotionally and you prioritize what feels right to you.

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13. You Trust Your Gut Feelings

Part of listening to your body is trusting your intuition. When you have a gut feeling you trust it. You understand that your own hunches are usually spot on even when they fly in the face of popular opinion.You know that you are your best expert.

12. You Are Not Defined by How You Look

This doesn’t mean that you don’t look fabulous. Your focus is more on how you want to feel and quite often this means you look beautiful because you feel beautiful. You exude an attractive energy that those around you are drawn to.

11. You Have A Killer Sense of Style

It might be trendy, it might be retro, it could be bold vibrant colors or chic black. Whatever your style, you wear it because you love it and this shows.

10. You Fuel Your Body with Sleep & Healthy Food

In the words of Oprah’s life coach, Martha Beck, “Rest until you feel like playing then play until you feel like resting.” You also recognize that splurging occasionally on a treat is a wonderful reward. Being healthy doesn’t mean you don’t get to enjoy an occasional chocolate treat. You know moderation is healthier than restriction.

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9. You Love Spending Time Outdoors

Nature lifts your spirits and recharges you when you are feeling drained. You recognize that a walk on the beach or in the woods feels as good for you as a massage.

8. You are Authentic

You tell the truth. This doesn’t mean you are brutally honest. It does mean that if a friend wants an honest opinion, you are the place she can get it. Authenticity feels good coming from you because you are caring, kind and compassionate.

7. You Always Admit When You Are Wrong

And why wouldn’t you?! You know that mistakes are inevitable but the fastest way to fix them is to take ownership and move on.

6. You Expect the Best

Your thoughts become your reality. By expecting the best you often get it. And you always respond with gratitude.

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5. You Don’t Hold on To the Past

The past doesn’t have a hold on you. You recognize that living in the past keeps you from moving forward. If you are exhausting all your energy holding on to old stuff, you don’t have arms wide open to embrace the present.

4. You Have Great Stories

People who care for themselves have a richly woven the tapestry of their personal history. They are proud of who they are and how they got that way. They are aware of how they have evolved and can tell inspiring stories that encourage others to keep dreaming and daring.

3. You Are Surrounded By Inspiring People

You enjoy having people in your life who love themselves and treat themselves well too. You have wonderful conversations about dreams and goals and you have an instant cheering section for your next adventure.

2. You Don’t Save Things for Special Occasions

When you get a new dress or purse, you don’t save it waiting for the “right occasion”. You recognize that now is the best time for joy.

1. You Like Who You See When You Look in the Mirror

Whether you are headed to the beach or a black-tie ball you like how you look and how it feels to be in your skin.

My favorite self-care routine is my morning meditation. And as an occasional indulgence I love a pedicure. How about you? What do you do that prioritizes YOU?

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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