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Top 20 Signs You Know How To Love Yourself And Treat Yourself Well

Top 20 Signs You Know How To Love Yourself And Treat Yourself Well

One trait that confident, successful, happy people share is the ability to know how to fall in love with themselves and prioritize their self-care. When Richard Branson looks in the mirror he sees a winner.  How many of these self-love habits do you have?

20. You Celebrate Your Success

You aren’t afraid to admit when you have made a mistake, mistakes are just hiccups on the pathway to success. And when you have success, you celebrate yourself. A little champagne toast, a happy dance or even a high five to the mirror is sufficient. Reminding yourself on a daily basis of all the great things you do reinforces the things you can do more of and to motivates you to keep going when success seems scarce.

19. You Know Exactly What You Like and Aren’t Afraid to Ask For It

Knowing what you want is the first step. Having a strong sense of who you are begins with knowing what you like. If you aren’t sure what you like, you can start with what you don’t like and surmise that the opposite might be your preference. Once you know what you want, be comfortable and assertive in asking for it. You never know if you don’t ask.

18. You Know Your Strengths & Weaknesses

A self-actualized person is attuned to both their strengths and weaknesses. They use their strengths and find a team to support them in their weak areas. I know I am an idea person and my husband is great at planning so together we are both more capable than apart.

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17. You Have a Strong Sense of Purpose

People who love themselves and take care of themselves have a great capacity to recognize their purpose or dharma and act on it. If you are feeling like you are lacking direction or purpose, spending some time on self-care is an excellent way to re-boot your connection to purpose and recharge your energy to keep moving forward.

16. You Have Strong Connections

When you love yourself, others are attracted to this energy like moths to a flame. This allows you to develop strong bonds with friends and family. According to positive psychology expert Dascher Keltner, people who have strong social connection are happier.

15. You Enjoy Feeling Strong Emotions

You might be overwhelmed by a cheesy commercial or by seeing an elderly couple holding hands at the mall. These emotions feel great and rather than suppressing them you have learned to love them, recognizing that how you feel is your body’s way of telling you what you want or don’t want in life.

14. You Listen To Your Body

You don’t follow the latest diet craze but you do recognize what feels good for you both physically and emotionally and you prioritize what feels right to you.

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13. You Trust Your Gut Feelings

Part of listening to your body is trusting your intuition. When you have a gut feeling you trust it. You understand that your own hunches are usually spot on even when they fly in the face of popular opinion.You know that you are your best expert.

12. You Are Not Defined by How You Look

This doesn’t mean that you don’t look fabulous. Your focus is more on how you want to feel and quite often this means you look beautiful because you feel beautiful. You exude an attractive energy that those around you are drawn to.

11. You Have A Killer Sense of Style

It might be trendy, it might be retro, it could be bold vibrant colors or chic black. Whatever your style, you wear it because you love it and this shows.

10. You Fuel Your Body with Sleep & Healthy Food

In the words of Oprah’s life coach, Martha Beck, “Rest until you feel like playing then play until you feel like resting.” You also recognize that splurging occasionally on a treat is a wonderful reward. Being healthy doesn’t mean you don’t get to enjoy an occasional chocolate treat. You know moderation is healthier than restriction.

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9. You Love Spending Time Outdoors

Nature lifts your spirits and recharges you when you are feeling drained. You recognize that a walk on the beach or in the woods feels as good for you as a massage.

8. You are Authentic

You tell the truth. This doesn’t mean you are brutally honest. It does mean that if a friend wants an honest opinion, you are the place she can get it. Authenticity feels good coming from you because you are caring, kind and compassionate.

7. You Always Admit When You Are Wrong

And why wouldn’t you?! You know that mistakes are inevitable but the fastest way to fix them is to take ownership and move on.

6. You Expect the Best

Your thoughts become your reality. By expecting the best you often get it. And you always respond with gratitude.

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5. You Don’t Hold on To the Past

The past doesn’t have a hold on you. You recognize that living in the past keeps you from moving forward. If you are exhausting all your energy holding on to old stuff, you don’t have arms wide open to embrace the present.

4. You Have Great Stories

People who care for themselves have a richly woven the tapestry of their personal history. They are proud of who they are and how they got that way. They are aware of how they have evolved and can tell inspiring stories that encourage others to keep dreaming and daring.

3. You Are Surrounded By Inspiring People

You enjoy having people in your life who love themselves and treat themselves well too. You have wonderful conversations about dreams and goals and you have an instant cheering section for your next adventure.

2. You Don’t Save Things for Special Occasions

When you get a new dress or purse, you don’t save it waiting for the “right occasion”. You recognize that now is the best time for joy.

1. You Like Who You See When You Look in the Mirror

Whether you are headed to the beach or a black-tie ball you like how you look and how it feels to be in your skin.

My favorite self-care routine is my morning meditation. And as an occasional indulgence I love a pedicure. How about you? What do you do that prioritizes YOU?

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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