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These Simple 3 Words Can Change The Life Of All The Young And Ambitious

These Simple 3 Words Can Change The Life Of All The Young And Ambitious

Sometimes, the young and ambitious ones become frustrated as they see the world and face the reality. But don’t you get demotivated yet!

I have three words to change your life: create, big, and defy. Have you got three minutes?

1. Create

Creating things is the secret path that lets you do whatever you want.

How did I become a writer? I wrote. How did I become a programmer? I programmed. How did I become an entrepreneur? I started a company. I never had professional training in any of those things, and it never mattered, because I gave it to myself. You can too. Create the right things and you don’t need a resume. Create things worth noticing, and you will be noticed.

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Creating is also a way of extending yourself. Your writing, or your art, or your company – all these things add to you worth, and the right creations fuse and compound over time. Think of it like buying shares in yourself.

Most people make the mistake of permanently exchanging their time for money, aka ‘employment’. This leads to a lifetime trap of spending time to earn money. If instead you invest your time in making things of value, those things can take life of their own, and work for you while you sleep. You’ll be happier and in greater control of your destiny too.

2. Big

The thing no-one tells you about aiming big is that you pretty much always win.

That doesn’t mean you get what you planned; in fact, that almost never happens. But you almost certainly won’t completely fail, and what successes you have will almost always outweigh your losses.

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Say you aim to write a single Facebook status. However that goes, you’re not likely to win or lose much. Instead say you aim to write a whole novel. There’s a good chance you will fail to finish, or take five times longer than you expect, or write utter garbagepaste that never makes it past three unhappy relatives. But in the process you will have pushed your skills beyond their point of comfort, and grown immensely. More so than most people do in their whole lifetimes.

If you keep doing this, eventually, something is going to work. And you only need one big win to set you for life.

3. Defy

If you think the world is logical or fair, you’re going to be frustrated and sad most of your life.

The world does, actually, make a lot of sense. But not in the way that you might think. Working hard is not enough. Being smart is not enough. Really wanting stuff is not enough. Your instincts and upbringing may tell you otherwise. They are wrong.

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The thing that will hold you back the most, throughout your entire life, will be yourself. You will know what to do. You will want to do it. And yet you will find yourself failing, and you won’t know why.

Most people reflexly blame the world when this happens: “my boss is blind”, “the economy is hopeless”, “girls are stupid”. Externalising leads only to denial and pain. What you need to do – all you need to do – is look inside yourself, and ask what, if anything, you could be doing differently. If you’re certain the problem is outside of your power, drop it, and move on.

influence circle

    Redrawn from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

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    If you can make a habit of this, all of your energy will only go on things that improve your life, and you’ll free yourself from a tyranny of sadness.

    Create, big and defy. These are three things that almost no-one does, which is exactly why you should do them. Just by attempting you’ll be putting yourself at an uncommon advantage. Now go forth and conquer.

    Oliver Emberton is an entrepreneur, writer, programmer and artist who writes about life and how to make the most of it.

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    Anna Chui

    Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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    Last Updated on December 9, 2019

    5 Warning Signs That You’re a People Pleaser

    5 Warning Signs That You’re a People Pleaser

    Do any of the followings sound familiar…

    You cringe at the thought of saying no. You obsess about what others think of you and whether you’re doing something to make them dislike you. You live your life based on the opinions of others because you are deathly afraid of disappointing them.

    If you say yes to all of these, you are likely a chronic people pleaser.

    It’s hard not to struggle with people-pleasing at one time or another in our lives. As social beings, it’s in our nature to get along with others; our survival and success depend on it.

    However, there is a fine line between healthy social behavior and the experience of emotional depletion caused by chronic people-pleasing. In addition to being emotionally drained, you may find yourself compromising on your principles and values in order to be accepted. As you help others to get what they want, your own health and well-being will suffer.

    As a recovering people pleaser myself, I’ve observed these five common signs of chronic people-pleasing and some ways to overcome it:

    1. You’re Incapable of Saying No

    Do you find it painfully hard to turn down the requests of family, friends, and even acquaintances or strangers? You really want to say no, but instead, you say yes to their various demands.

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    Before you know it, you’ve become the go-to person when something needs to get done. From the small to the large, you take on every task. You may even be considered a hero to some.

    On the inside, you’re suffering. You genuinely want to help others, but you also know that you are depleting your own resources with every “yes.” You may fear that you’ll lose your friendships and good reputation by saying no. After all, last thing you want to be called is selfish.

    Solution

    First, realize that your capacity to care for others and your capacity to care for yourself are not mutually exclusive. In fact, the two are intimately related.

    Second, understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of those around you. They are. Let these two realities give you permission to say no. Start practicing with small requests. Refuse kindly, and without apology.

    2. You Avoid Making Decisions or Sharing Your Opinions

    Do you have a hard time voicing your opinions and feelings in a group setting or with close friends? Do you constantly allow others to make decisions for you?

    You understand a deep truth about decisions and opinions: they divide. However, it’s not in your nature to cause division by speaking up, so you remain silent to avoid conflict.

    Over time, this behavior is deadly, because as you defer to the opinions and decisions of others, you are silencing your own voice. This will rob the world of your unique perspectives and gifts.

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    Solution

    Remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable. People can have divergent opinions and still treat each other with respect and kindness. So give voice to your thoughts, concerns, and needs.

    By speaking up, you may rock the boat. You may even be outvoted. But if you treat others with respect, they will respect you even when they disagree with your opinions and choices.

    3. You’re Crushed When You Discover Someone Doesn’t like You

    This is a hard one. It seems reasonable to assume that if you go out of your way to please everyone, then everyone will like you. But it’s not true.

    Some people will dislike you simply because of who you are or for reasons outside of your control. You understand this intellectually, but you cannot stop trying to win the few holdouts.

    Solution

    Closely examine your desire to be liked by everyone. Did this originate in your childhood, as you tried to win the affections of family members or friends at school? Use tools such as reflection, meditation, and counseling to help you let go of past negative experiences.

    As social beings, we need to be loved and accepted – but not by everyone. Decide whose love and affection is worth the effort and whose is not.

    4. You’re Resentful of Others but Are Not Sure Why

    This often happens when we suppress our feelings and needs over the long term.

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    Do you feel unexplained anger toward your close friends, spouse, or boss? The anger is your subconscious telling you that you have been neglecting yourself while helping others advance their goals. Think of this resentment as the “check engine” light turning on in your car. Don’t ignore it.

    Solution

    Face the truth of what is going on in your life. If you’re feeling overextended or taken advantage of, acknowledge these feelings. Avoid second-guessing yourself. Find time for self care, and make this a priority.

    5. You’re Unaware of How Far You’re Willing to Go – Until You’re in over Your Head

    This is a sure sign that you lack proper boundaries. You avoid setting limits because you believe this runs counter to having a generous spirit. But this simply allows people greater latitude to intrude into your life. The requests may become more and more unreasonable and you may not realize it until someone has crossed the line.

    If you’ve taken on too much, you may experience passive aggressive behavior, crying for no apparent reason, anxiety, or depression.

    Solution

    Be willing to admit that your time and energy are limited, not because you’re selfish, but because it’s the truth.

    Boundaries are simply a recognition of that truth. Do not be afraid to set your boundaries and enforce them. It will take a while for you and others to get used to it, but you’ll experience an increased sense of well-being, and people will learn to accept your limits.

    Learn to set boundaries for good: How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

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    Final Thoughts

    You can be generous without allowing yourself to be used. You can be kind without being a pushover. You can be well-liked without having to sell your soul.

    Don’t allow your fears and insecurities to turn you into a chronic people-pleaser. Instead, make time to please one of the most important people in your life: you.

    Why? Because when you care for yourself, you can care for others out of the abundance of your own well-being. You will do this not because you are afraid of losing their affection, but simply because you want to. You will experience true freedom.

    So decide today to give yourself the same love and attention you give to others. This is one decision you won’t regret.

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    Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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