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This Is Why You Shouldn’t Please Others But Yourself

This Is Why You Shouldn’t Please Others But Yourself

Who doesn’t want to be liked and accepted by their peers? I understand why you try to please others, but if you’re bending over backwards in a Herculean effort to make every single person happy, you need to knock it off. People-pleasing is an exhausting (and dishonest) activity that is stressing you out. If you suffer from approval addiction, I invite you to click ahead to discover why you should stop pleasing others but yourself.

Loss of Identity

If you are putting on a different show for every audience you come across during the day, it’s easy to lose track of who you really are. Ponder the personality and attitude you reflect with your friends, family, and co-workers. If you notice a stark contrast in how you behave in each social scenario, you are being untrue to yourself. I know there are certain things about you that you might want to avoid talking about with specific people and I get that, so please understand that I am not saying you should talk about your sex life with your parents or co-workers, but if you’re changing your personality and behavior wildly throughout the day, you are being dishonest, and phoniness can be detected from miles away. Be true to who you are, no matter who you are with. Don’t feel like you have to hide the quirky (interesting), strange (unique), or awkward (special) things about yourself, because this is precisely what makes you the wonderful individual you are.

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Wasted Time and Energy

Have you ever made plans that you really weren’t at all interested in, dreaded it all day, but then at the last second the person (who you didn’t want to hang out with at all) canceled and you felt so relieved? I know it’s difficult to say “no”, but life is too short to spend it doing things you don’t like to do. Be more mindful of how you spend your day and you’ll have more time for new hobbies, self-development, relaxation, and activities that make you truly happy.

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Sky-High Swagger and Confidence

Shape-shifting your personality to fit who other people think you should be is a sure-fire way to wreck your self-esteem. How could you be confident in who you really are when you’re making such a supreme effort to hide your genuine self from the world? When you learn to be comfortable with the fact that some people will disapprove of you no matter what you do (and stand firm despite that reality!), you will walk with swagger unlike ever before. There will always be people who don’t like you no matter what you do, so you might as well embrace the authentic (and wonderful) person you are without apology.

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More Fulfilling Relationships

If a person likes you for a complete fabrication of a personality you have invented, what’s the point? I would rather have a few friends who love and accept me as I am than a lot of friends who like a phony. Embrace your true self and share it with the world. It is true that some people won’t be fans of your authentic self, but it’s also true that the ones who matter will stand by your side no matter what. The quantity of your relationships is meaningless, so shift your focus to the quality relationships that make you happy and fulfilled. If you’d like to step up the quality of your romantic relationship, check out these 15 rules that will help you deepen your relationship.

I Dare You to Tell Me Something Quirky, Strange, or Unique about Yourself (Confession Time!)

You don’t need to change yourself to please others (and you do need to be true to you for your mental health and happiness!). The world needs the special gift that only you can bring to the table. What’s something interesting about yourself that makes you the unique individual you are?

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More by this author

Daniel Wallen

Daniel is a writer who focuses on blogging about happiness and motivation at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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