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15 Rules That Will Deepen Your Relationship

15 Rules That Will Deepen Your Relationship

When it comes to relationships, there are certain rules that should be met if you want to deepen your connection. With everything in the media, we can easily forget what is important in a relationship and what isn’t; we might focus on superficial aspects of the other person such, as how much money they have to spend on you or how sexy their body is. Although having money and being attractive are both good qualities in a partner, a relationship isn’t all about superficial things.

Below are some rules that can help deepen your relationship:

1. Be Real.

It seems like common sense, but we tend to shape ourselves based on the other person. Since we want to impress the other person, we may do things or say things that we usually wouldn’t. Being real will help determine if the two of you are a good match. Wouldn’t you rather find out now if it’s worth your time instead of investing years of your time and energy? Be real with the other person. Show them the real you, not the fake you.

2. No Games.

This rule is connected to the first rule of being real. When it comes to a relationship, you can either play around or invest yourself in deepening the relationship. When you play games, your relationship will most likely fall apart. Why invest your heart into the other person, when the other person is all about playing games? This will result in dishonesty, lack of trust and arguments later down in your relationship. When it comes to strengthening a relationship, it’s vital to develop trust, honesty, effective communication and commitment.

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3. Know and understand the difference between men and women. 

This rule is very important when establishing a relationship. Men and women are born differently and psychologically, we tend to have different characteristics. Most men enjoy their alone time when they are stressed and uptight, whereas many women enjoy talking out our feelings so that we can let them out. When you don’t acknowledge the differences between men and women, you may butt heads and become frustrated. Eventually, you might just give up because you don’t know what else to do. When you’re able to understand the differences, you will better understand your partner and thus be able to strengthen and deepen your relationship. I highly recommend reading the book, “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” by John Gray. He has helped me in my marriage in understanding more about myself and my husband.

4. Know your partner’s love language. 

When you are in a committed relationship, it’s important to understand the way they feel love, and how they express it. When you understand  your partner’s love language, you will be able to speak their language. It’s also  just as important in knowing your own love language. How do you feel most loved? Maybe it’s through spending quality time together, or by physical touch. A lot of couples lack intimacy and love because they are speaking different love languages to their partner. Once you’re able to speak fluently in your partner’s love language, you’ll be back on track of developing and deepening your relationship. I suggest that you go to your local library and take out the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.

5. Effective communication. 

This goes back to the rule of knowing and understanding the difference between men and women. When  you can understand your partner, you’ll be able to communicate effectively with them. Men and women react to stress and life differently, and since women tend to express more of their emotions and enjoy talking in order to solve problems, they expect their partner to also talk and share their emotions. Learning how to be an effective communicator with your partner will help strengthen your relationship.

6. Turn off the TV! 

There is nothing wrong with watching TV with your partner every so often, but when it gets to a point where you are finding yourself always watching it after work, you will form a bad habit that will be difficult to break. Once you allow TV to be part of your relationship, how can you possibly develop greater intimacy? Turn off the television and do something fun! Go outside and ride a bike together or even just sit down on the couch and play a board game. Whatever the two of you enjoy doing is a much better habit to form than sitting and watching television. Nourish your relationship!

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7. Take care of yourself.

When it comes to being in a relationship, we can sometimes focus so much of our energy and time towards the other person that we forget about taking care of ourselves. Make sure that you take the time to focus on developing your own mind, body and soul. Don’t let go of who you are just because you’re in a relationship. Continue to love, respect and develop yourself.

8. Honesty.

If you are planning on investing your time and energy into your relationship, being honest  is a core rule. When there is no honesty, you will establish a weak foundation and eventually things will fall apart. Being honest and truthful will help establish a strong foundation in your partnership.

9. United Front.

When you and your partner are out in public, keeping a united front will help strengthen your relationship. Who wants to hear all your dirty laundry and on top of that seeing the two of you argue? It not only expresses to others the type of connection that you two have but will also cause problems within your relationship. Keeping a united front means you will work as a team and never embarrass your partner when out in public, as doing so will make your partner uncomfortable and will create resentment. Commit to having a united front so no matter what comes your way, you’ll know that you can get through it together.

10. Show your appreciation.

All of us want to be appreciated with what we do, especially in our relationships. Showing our appreciation for what your partner does will help deepen the connection between the two of you. Imagine if your partner expresses  their love but you never show your appreciation. What will happen? Your partner will eventually not want to express his love because he doesn’t feel that it makes any difference. When you are able to acknowledge what they do, they will feel more motivated to continue loving you and supporting you. Once you take their love for granted, they will eventually stop loving you. Express your appreciation every day, even a small gesture such as thanking him for coming home early so that the two of you can have a nice dinner together. Whatever it may be, show your appreciation and love that you have for your partner. Trust me, they will feel motivated to continue loving you and supporting you.

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11. Create Fulfilling Routines.

It seems like as the days go by, our relationships get pushed from the foreground to the back burner while daily life stresses take precedence. When we create fulfilling routines in our relationship, we are able to reconnect with what made us fall in love with our partners in the first place. A fulfilling routine can be as simple as always going to bed at the same time and waking up early at the time same. This may be challenging, but when you commit to sleeping at the same time and waking up at the same time, you can spend some quality time before starting the day and before you go to bed at night. Another fulfilling routine would be to walk together in the mornings. Creating fulfilling routines are meant to reconnect with your partner, especially if the both of you have busy schedules.

12. Dates!

A great way to add more flavor into your relationship is to go out on date nights. It doesn’t even have to be at night, it can be at any time of day! As we go through life, we can easily forget about what brought us together. What do you enjoy doing with your partner? There are casual dates like staying at home and cooking together or you can have more of a formal date like getting all dressed up and going out to eat, or going for a hike and a picnic. The point behind this rule is to reconnect with your partner. Don’t talk about bills or life stresses on your date: just be free and have fun. Smile, laugh and enjoy your partner’s company.

13. Grow together.

Couples often grow apart, which leads them to a point in their relationship in which they don’t feel that it’s worth investing any more time in. Be consciousness and supportive of what your partner wants to accomplish. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own lives that we forget to truly stay connected with what our partner wants to achieve.

14. Be patient.

Sometimes our partners make mistakes and we automatically get upset or frustrated. It’s important for you to be patient and encouraging rather than being negative and critical. You partner wants you help, but it’s how you approach the situation that makes a difference. When you’re patient, it encourages your partner to want to change with your help.

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15. Be on the page same with finances.

If you have a joint account or share your finances, make sure that both of you have a similar philosophy when it comes to money. The #1 cause for divorce is financial issues. Learn to be open when it comes to talking about money and how the both of you can best work as a team. Practice effective communication and have financial goals set in place, and focus on what matters to the both of you. Maybe you both enjoy going to the Bahamas every other year, or maybe you enjoy giving lavish Christmas gifts. Set aside a fund that you build throughout the year, so when Christmas time comes along or flights go on sale, you can use the build in your fund accordingly. Be a united front with your finances and communicate effectively.

These rules should be looked at as a stepping stone to developing your relationship, and are meant to help establish a strong foundation between you and your partner. We all have flaws and mistakes, but when we can follow these rules in our relationship, we will better understand our partner and also ourselves. When you’re in a relationship, not only do you develop the connection with your partner but you also connect deeper within yourself. You grow just as much as your relationship grows. Be an inspiration for your partner: motivate them, challenge them to reach their fullest potential, and the end of the day, be happy.

One a final note: “What do you love most about your partner?” 

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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