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Why Loving Someone Can Sometimes Mean Letting Him/Her Go

Why Loving Someone Can Sometimes Mean Letting Him/Her Go

Breaking up with someone is one of the hardest things to do. Especially when you’ve been with them for a long time.

It’s not just not having that rock to lean your back on anymore but the complete disentanglement of two lives can be very painful. You have to split up the possessions, discuss who keeps the kids and pets (where applicable), and then figure out how to get along without those people.

Sometimes it’s too easy to fall back into the same old routine. Forgive the past and ignore the pet peeves that drove you apart to begin with just so you don’t have to be alone. That isn’t always the best idea.

Remember why it happened

There is a reason the first breakup occurred to begin with and it’s so important to remember that.

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When couples try again that is usually the first thing that they forget. People are who they are; sometimes they need a different influence in their life. In other words, the mistakes that they made before are mistakes they will likely make again. If you dumped someone for lying and then get back together with them, they will probably lie again.

Now this may sound like the other person is a bad person but that’s not true. People don’t lie to you because they’re not trustworthy. They lie because they think you’re not trustworthy.

It’s the same with most relationship problems. If something bad happened, chances are it’s because of a misconceptions each person had about one another. When trying again, most people don’t address those misconceptions and are thus doomed to repeat past mistakes.

If you can’t figure out why you broke up to begin with, then getting back together will only result in the same thing.

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Sometimes it’s less painful in the long haul

You may have heard the phrase that if you love something, you have to let it go. Unfortunately that statement is true.

It’s a difficult thing to have to admit to yourself but sometimes you have to admit that the person you’re with would be happier without you. It may not be that you’re a bad person but you’re just not what the other person is looking for.

When you’re with someone who isn’t right for you, it’ll be painful. You’ll continue to fight. Bad things will continue to happen.

Sure you may be happy at first but it’s nothing more than precursor to months upon months of potential misery that ends with yet another breakup. You don’t deserve that and your partner doesn’t deserve that.

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The things people will go through for love are ridiculous sometimes. You may love someone very much but if you two just can’t figure out a way to be happy, then it’s time to let them find someone who can.

Sometimes you can’t show how much you love someone

There are a lot of other reasons that people just can’t love someone as much as they want to. Being in a high stress job is a common one. You may love your significant other but you’re always at work. If you don’t spend any time with them then the relationship just won’t work. You may be emotionally, mentally, or physically stunted and can’t satisfy your partner in those areas as much as you want to. Perhaps they simply want a different kind of love than you are capable of giving.

Love is a tricky thing like that. It’s not a base emotion that is explainable. It’s an ever moving and evolving emotion that changes and matures over time. Some people only like it when they feel the feeling of butterflies in their stomachs that comes with new love. Others enjoy the routine of having someone always there to lean on. If you’re a butterflies lover and your partner is a routine-rock lover then obviously things aren’t going to last forever.

It’s truly difficult to explain specific circumstances where it’s better to let someone you love go because everyone’s situation is so different. There is no such thing as a typical relationship and there is no such thing as typical love.

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In many cases when you need to let someone you love go there’s a feeling. Many people ignore the feeling or don’t recognize it but it is a palpable feeling. When it’s time to call it quits, you will know. It’s just a matter of acting on the feeling.

Featured photo credit: Young couple in love outdoor.Stunning sensual outdoor portrait of young stylish fashion couple posing in summer in field via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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