Breaking up with someone is one of the hardest things to do. Especially when you’ve been with them for a long time.
It’s not just not having that rock to lean your back on anymore but the complete disentanglement of two lives can be very painful. You have to split up the possessions, discuss who keeps the kids and pets (where applicable), and then figure out how to get along without those people.
Sometimes it’s too easy to fall back into the same old routine. Forgive the past and ignore the pet peeves that drove you apart to begin with just so you don’t have to be alone. That isn’t always the best idea.
Remember why it happened
There is a reason the first breakup occurred to begin with and it’s so important to remember that.
When couples try again that is usually the first thing that they forget. People are who they are; sometimes they need a different influence in their life. In other words, the mistakes that they made before are mistakes they will likely make again. If you dumped someone for lying and then get back together with them, they will probably lie again.
Now this may sound like the other person is a bad person but that’s not true. People don’t lie to you because they’re not trustworthy. They lie because they think you’re not trustworthy.
It’s the same with most relationship problems. If something bad happened, chances are it’s because of a misconceptions each person had about one another. When trying again, most people don’t address those misconceptions and are thus doomed to repeat past mistakes.
If you can’t figure out why you broke up to begin with, then getting back together will only result in the same thing.
Sometimes it’s less painful in the long haul
You may have heard the phrase that if you love something, you have to let it go. Unfortunately that statement is true.
It’s a difficult thing to have to admit to yourself but sometimes you have to admit that the person you’re with would be happier without you. It may not be that you’re a bad person but you’re just not what the other person is looking for.
When you’re with someone who isn’t right for you, it’ll be painful. You’ll continue to fight. Bad things will continue to happen.
Sure you may be happy at first but it’s nothing more than precursor to months upon months of potential misery that ends with yet another breakup. You don’t deserve that and your partner doesn’t deserve that.
The things people will go through for love are ridiculous sometimes. You may love someone very much but if you two just can’t figure out a way to be happy, then it’s time to let them find someone who can.
Sometimes you can’t show how much you love someone
There are a lot of other reasons that people just can’t love someone as much as they want to. Being in a high stress job is a common one. You may love your significant other but you’re always at work. If you don’t spend any time with them then the relationship just won’t work. You may be emotionally, mentally, or physically stunted and can’t satisfy your partner in those areas as much as you want to. Perhaps they simply want a different kind of love than you are capable of giving.
Love is a tricky thing like that. It’s not a base emotion that is explainable. It’s an ever moving and evolving emotion that changes and matures over time. Some people only like it when they feel the feeling of butterflies in their stomachs that comes with new love. Others enjoy the routine of having someone always there to lean on. If you’re a butterflies lover and your partner is a routine-rock lover then obviously things aren’t going to last forever.
It’s truly difficult to explain specific circumstances where it’s better to let someone you love go because everyone’s situation is so different. There is no such thing as a typical relationship and there is no such thing as typical love.
In many cases when you need to let someone you love go there’s a feeling. Many people ignore the feeling or don’t recognize it but it is a palpable feeling. When it’s time to call it quits, you will know. It’s just a matter of acting on the feeling.