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Why Loving Someone Can Sometimes Mean Letting Him/Her Go

Why Loving Someone Can Sometimes Mean Letting Him/Her Go

Breaking up with someone is one of the hardest things to do. Especially when you’ve been with them for a long time.

It’s not just not having that rock to lean your back on anymore but the complete disentanglement of two lives can be very painful. You have to split up the possessions, discuss who keeps the kids and pets (where applicable), and then figure out how to get along without those people.

Sometimes it’s too easy to fall back into the same old routine. Forgive the past and ignore the pet peeves that drove you apart to begin with just so you don’t have to be alone. That isn’t always the best idea.

Remember why it happened

There is a reason the first breakup occurred to begin with and it’s so important to remember that.

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When couples try again that is usually the first thing that they forget. People are who they are; sometimes they need a different influence in their life. In other words, the mistakes that they made before are mistakes they will likely make again. If you dumped someone for lying and then get back together with them, they will probably lie again.

Now this may sound like the other person is a bad person but that’s not true. People don’t lie to you because they’re not trustworthy. They lie because they think you’re not trustworthy.

It’s the same with most relationship problems. If something bad happened, chances are it’s because of a misconceptions each person had about one another. When trying again, most people don’t address those misconceptions and are thus doomed to repeat past mistakes.

If you can’t figure out why you broke up to begin with, then getting back together will only result in the same thing.

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Sometimes it’s less painful in the long haul

You may have heard the phrase that if you love something, you have to let it go. Unfortunately that statement is true.

It’s a difficult thing to have to admit to yourself but sometimes you have to admit that the person you’re with would be happier without you. It may not be that you’re a bad person but you’re just not what the other person is looking for.

When you’re with someone who isn’t right for you, it’ll be painful. You’ll continue to fight. Bad things will continue to happen.

Sure you may be happy at first but it’s nothing more than precursor to months upon months of potential misery that ends with yet another breakup. You don’t deserve that and your partner doesn’t deserve that.

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The things people will go through for love are ridiculous sometimes. You may love someone very much but if you two just can’t figure out a way to be happy, then it’s time to let them find someone who can.

Sometimes you can’t show how much you love someone

There are a lot of other reasons that people just can’t love someone as much as they want to. Being in a high stress job is a common one. You may love your significant other but you’re always at work. If you don’t spend any time with them then the relationship just won’t work. You may be emotionally, mentally, or physically stunted and can’t satisfy your partner in those areas as much as you want to. Perhaps they simply want a different kind of love than you are capable of giving.

Love is a tricky thing like that. It’s not a base emotion that is explainable. It’s an ever moving and evolving emotion that changes and matures over time. Some people only like it when they feel the feeling of butterflies in their stomachs that comes with new love. Others enjoy the routine of having someone always there to lean on. If you’re a butterflies lover and your partner is a routine-rock lover then obviously things aren’t going to last forever.

It’s truly difficult to explain specific circumstances where it’s better to let someone you love go because everyone’s situation is so different. There is no such thing as a typical relationship and there is no such thing as typical love.

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In many cases when you need to let someone you love go there’s a feeling. Many people ignore the feeling or don’t recognize it but it is a palpable feeling. When it’s time to call it quits, you will know. It’s just a matter of acting on the feeling.

Featured photo credit: Young couple in love outdoor.Stunning sensual outdoor portrait of young stylish fashion couple posing in summer in field via shutterstock.com

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Joseph Hindy

A writer, editor, and YouTuber who likes to share about technology and lifestyle tips.

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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