Advertising
Advertising

It’s Time To Let Go And Move On When You Experience These 21 Things

It’s Time To Let Go And Move On When You Experience These 21 Things

It’s the sad reality of life that there are times when we just have to let go and move on. This is true not only in romantic partnerships, but in work situations, living conditions, professional relationships, friendships as well. Even investments and tangible possessions can be difficult to let go of despite how destructive or demanding they might have become.

Should I stay or go? Buy or sell? Stick it out or throw in the towel? Tough choices. It’s a kind of balance between perseverance and self-preservation.

What often makes the problem worse is that while we may intellectually understand this life truth, it’s hard for us to practice. Oh, we can easily see and readily point out to others when it’s time for them to move on, but when it comes to ourselves, it’s more difficult to recognize when it’s time to say goodbye.

Signs it’s time to move on

1. When you feel disrespected or unheard

Each one of us has a fundamental need to be respected and listened to.

2. When you repetitively give more than you take

Though we should not be keeping score, there has to be a balance of give and take over the long haul.

Advertising

3. When you think about the past more than the present

You can’t live in the past. If thinking about memories of the past is more pleasant than the living in the present, then either you’re glorifying the past or there is something seriously wrong with the present situation.

4. When you feel mentally and physically exhausted constantly

Life is work, and it’s truly exhausting at times, but that shouldn’t be the norm. If you’re always drained, it’s a problem.

5. When you cry more than you laugh

While we are bound to feel pain, and hurt feelings occasionally, laughter and smiles should outnumber the tears.

6. When you feel anger more often than you feel love

Anger is a part of life. People make us mad sometimes, especially those we care about. And life circumstances can be very infuriating, but love should be the default, not anger.

7. When you find yourself hoping that tomorrow will be better, day after day after day

Hope sustains us; life would be nothing without, but if we are perpetually so miserable that we keep hoping tomorrow will be better, then we need to take a look at how we’re living today.

Advertising

8. When you find yourself thinking, “Things would be better if only they would change…”

We can’t change other people. Nor can we hang our happiness on someone else’s behavior. We need to accept reality. We are responsible for our own happiness and if we can’t be happy and healthy with the way things are, then we need to move on.

9. When you have to hide who you really are to be accepted or loved

Whatever the situation, if you can’t fully express yourself and be who you truly are then it’s not sustainable.

10. When you are repeatedly rescuing, covering for or fixing messes.

The knight in shining armor gets old eventually. Though you may be the big sister, reliable friend, the go-to one who has it all together, that doesn’t mean that you should constantly step in and fix things. If you let people take advantage of you it becomes and unhealthy pattern.

11. When you have lost all joy and passion that used to be there.

We all go through lulls, periods of dullness or get stuck in a rut, but if enthusiasm and joy is truly gone then let it go.

12. When you are made to feel “less than,” or not good enough.

Never let anyone make you feel inferior, not a boss, a lover, a friend, a coworker or colleague. You are just as valuable as everyone else is. You are inherently worthy and good enough just be being you.

Advertising

13. When you become perpetually resentful, frustrated, or bored

Resentment and frustration may not feel like an emergency, but if those feelings are chronic, they can undermine your entire quality of life. It’s like living life with a constant weight on your back. You can’t be happy or healthy until you put that burden down.

14. When you find yourself in a situation that causes more pain than happiness

Pain is inevitable, but it shouldn’t overshadow happiness. When pain is a constant companion, or when it’s inflicted on you deliberately, it’s time to let go of whatever or whomever is causing it.

15. When you realize the only thing holding you back is fear of the unknown

Uncertainty is scary and often because of that, we choose to stay in an unhappy situation because we fear what comes next, what’s behind the other door. But if we’re clinging to what we know because we’re afraid of what we don’t it’s a clear sign that we need to let go.

16. When you stop having fun

Life is not always fun and certainly nothing is fun all of the time. But we can try to find enjoyment in every way we can. If he or she or they or it no longer makes you smile, then it’s time to go.

17. When you can no longer grow as a person

Life is about growth. We are continuously changing, growing, and moving forward, learning, stretching who we are and who we can be. If you feel stunted, stifled, caged in a box of sameness then for your own sanity and wellbeing you need to make a change as fast as you can.

Advertising

18. When you have this persistent niggling feeling that there is a better life for you out there

Are you plagued by the thought that there is something more for you, that you deserve better, that you might be settling for mediocre or a substandard life?  Those thoughts, that underlying feeling and desire might mean it’s time for a change.

19. When you repetitively have to justify to yourself and others why you can’t let go

Justifications, making excuses, looking for reasons to rationalize why you’re clinging to something or someone that isn’t working, healthy, sustainable is never good, especially if your reason is because “I’ve already invested so much time…or money…” That’s never a good enough justification to throw away more.

20. When you can’t be the best possible version of yourself

The right person, the right job, good friends and such should bring out the best in you…not the worst.

21. When you feel a tenacious, nagging ache in your gut telling you something is wrong

Your gut usually knows before your brain does…and it’s also generally more reliable. We can sense things with our instincts that our brains either don’t pick up on or refuse to see. So, if you have a sinking feeling in your gut…listen to it…and move on.

Featured photo credit: Walk Away by lo_lozd via flic.kr

More by this author

Royale Scuderi

A creative strategist, consultant and writer who specializes in cultivating human potential for happiness, health and fulfillment.

11 Tips to Help Improve Your Active Listening Skills 10 Important Life Lessons to Learn Early on in Life The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want What Is Emotional Intelligence (And How to Develop It) How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

Trending in Communication

1 Procrastination Is a Matter of Emotion, Here’s How to Stop It 2 What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It) 3 How to Get Unstuck in Life and Live a More Fulfilling Life 4 What Will Happen When You Surround Yourself With Positive People? 5 How to Surround Yourself With Positive People

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

Advertising

1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

Advertising

If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

Advertising

6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

Advertising

In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

Read Next