Advertising

How To Be Your Own Life Coach in 4 Easy Steps

Advertising
How To Be Your Own Life Coach in 4 Easy Steps

In its simplest form, the role of a life coach is to help people solve problems. Life coaches can be a wonderful means to help you discover new ways of doing things and defeat bad habits. But most life coaches don’t come cheap. And many people don’t think they have the time to work with a life coach. Those are just two of the reasons why you’re probably wondering how to be your own life coach. Not to worry, friends, because we have you covered. Read on.

How to Be Your Own Life Coach: 4 Simple Steps

Step 1: Spend time honestly assessing your strengths and weaknesses.

What are you good at? What would you like to be better at? To change something about yourself, you need to identify your problem areas so you can come up with a strategy to fix them. So answer these powerful questions honestly and openly: What would your friends and family say are your top 3 strengths? What about your top 3 weaknesses? How are your relationships with others? What are your biggest fears? You’ll use this information later.

Advertising

Step 2: Identify your goals.

Okay, now you know what you’re good at and what you’re not so good at. So what do you do with that information? That answer is that you set goals to improve upon both your strengths and weaknesses. You want to keep getting better at the stuff you’re already good at, while simultaneously addressing areas of growth.

Here’s how you do it. Answer these questions (make sure you write them down):

Advertising

These questions will help you explore and develop your talents. Once you have the answers, use them to help you set goals. Research shows that goals are easier to reach if they’re specific and not too numerous. So start small. Let’s say your goal is to lose weight. How much do you want to lose overall? If it’s 20 pounds, what is a realistic monthly goal? Don’t expect to lose 10 pounds every month. 1-2 pounds is more achievable. Write it down:

  • This year: I will lose 20 pounds
  • Each month: I will lose about 2 pounds
  • This week: I will lose half a pound

Notice how these goals are framed. Don’t say, “I want to…”. Say “I will…”. It’s an important psychological distinction.

Advertising

Step 3: Record your progress.

So now you have your goals figured out. The next step is to start a journal. Write down your goals, and record the actions you take each day to get you closer to your goals. Commit to making one small change every week and keep building from there. For example, one week you can cut out soda. The next week you can cut out all sugary beverages. It takes between 1 and 6 months to make a new  behavior stick, so keep at it and it will become a habit before you know it.

Step 4: Assess your results and tweak your approach.

The final step is to assess and test how you’re doing every month. Ask yourself: what’s working? What’s not? What are some different approaches I can try? For example, if you have trouble progressing and achieving your monthly goals, try using online behavior change tools like Stickk, a cool website that allows you to make health commitments and be held accountable for achieving them.

Advertising

Finally, if there’s one thing you need to understand about how to be your own life coach, it’s this: your mindset will determine your success or failure. Silence negative thoughts and frame everything in the positive (i.e., “I am”, “I will,” or “I can”). Be completely committed and you will succeed. Tell everyone you know about the behaviors you want to change. Not letting people down is a huge motivator to stick with your goals. And don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially from people in your group of friends who have been there and done that.

Remember, at the end of the day, the only person standing in the way of you achieving your dreams is you.

Advertising

More by this author

Scott Christ

Scott Christ is a writer, entrepreneur, and founder of Pure Food Company.

8 Simple and Effective Ways to Start Reaching Goals Today I Want To Be Happy: 7 Science-Backed Ways to Find Happiness 10 Things a Happy Person Does Differently 7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life 7 Common Mistakes That Stop You From Reaching Your Life Goals

Trending in Communication

1 15 Things You Don’t Need To Apologize For (Though You Think You Do) 2 10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character 3 10 Scientifically Proven Ways To Stay Happy All The Time 4 8 Signs That Your Current Relationship Has No Future 5 How to Learn a Language in Just 30 Minutes a Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

Advertising
10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

Advertising

But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

Advertising

Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

Advertising

Read Next