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How to Write a Love Letter

How to Write a Love Letter

You’re in love and you want to know how to write a love letter. With modern technology, sometimes it’s hard to sit down and pen a handwritten letter, but few things make more of a statement than beautifully crafted words on paper to the love of your life.

More men seem to be love letter scribes than women.That’s not to say women don’t write them, but have you ever noticed that a man who might not be able to express himself that well verbally, finds his voice and clarity in writing?

It’s not that easy to write a letter expressing your deepest romantic feelings, though. It takes time, practice and patience to get it just right. A few pointers will help you in your quest to shower your romantic love with words that will melt the heart.

The Letter Opening

When you start your letter, say why you’re writing it in the first place. Is it a special occasion? Is it her birthday? Has he been feeling under the weather? Use those prompts to get you started.

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For example:

To My Dearest Love,

When I saw your hair blowing in the wind, as you walked through the park on that July 4th afternoon, my heart just melted. I needed to express my feelings for you with pomp and circumstance with the fireworks of a hand-written letter.

Talk About How You Met in the Letter

In the next paragraph, talk about what you have in common that brought you together. Did you meet while skiing? Do you attend church together? Do you have pets that allowed you to meet? This brings back a good memory that will give your significant other a sense of nostalgia and mutual understanding.

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I will never forget that day when I went to the dog park and my pooch stole your dog treats. I couldn’t believe he tore into the whole bag and you just laughed. My breath caught right there. Your smile lifted my mood. I’ll never forget that look of appreciation you had when I brought some homemade doggie snacks to make up for it. That was when I knew I couldn’t wait to take you on a proper date.

You may not need to do this in subsequent love letters, but for the first one or two, recounting how you met is sure to bring a smile to his or her face.

Talk About What You Love About Him or Her

What is it exactly that made you fall in love? Was it her eyes? His confidence? Does she “have it together”? Tell about all the things that made you go wild for your love.

After I met you, I found out that you had a great career, a house, and you’re just brilliant! You’re a teacher and you work with children – what a wonderful calling. Your patience, gentleness and beauty just attract people toward you. Your eyes are the deepest blue I’ve ever seen. They’re like the crystalline waters of the Caribbean Sea, reminding me that one day, I want to go there with you.

Next, Write About How You’ve Changed Since Meeting Your Love

Do you notice that you’re a better person since meeting him or her? Do you get butterflies in your stomach when you think of him? Does a smile come to your face at the mention of his name? Talk about that. This lets your love know that your life has changed for the better – always a good thing.

This morning, I was getting coffee before work. I kept picturing you standing next to me, with the scent of your hair making my senses go wild. Just thinking of you made me grin widely. The person behind the counter kept wondering just what was making me smile so big and even asked me, ‘Why the big smile?’ I just answered, ‘I’ve met the love of my life and I’m complete now.’

Close the Letter

After you have expressed everything you want, close the letter. Affirm your commitment to the relationship. Talk about how you’re moving forward as a couple.

My love for you grows daily. My heart is full of wonder and excitement at the relationship we share. I want to be by your side through this life: through the ups and downs, the triumphs and defeats. You’re my partner and together we’re unstoppable.

Some Writing Tips

At first, writing a letter can be daunting. Don’t let that stop you. Just go for it: getting something on paper will release the creative juices you need to continue writing. It’s all a matter of getting started. That’s the hardest part. From there:

  • Know that you’ll probably need to write several drafts before you get the letter just the way you want it.
  • If you get stuck, say the words out loud you want to say, then go back and try to write them down.
  • Be yourself. If you’re not a poet normally, now may not be the best time to try to eke out some poetic prose. Either find a poem that helps express your thoughts, or just write as you normally would.
  • Don’t worry about being too “mushy.” Your love will just appreciate that you’ve written a letter expressing your sentiments.
  • Use the letter structure outlined above as a guide only. You may want to skip certain parts or expand upon others.
  • Don’t worry about fancy writing. Get to the point. If you think of a great word or sentence to use, go ahead. Again, your love will just appreciate the effort in the first place.
  • Use a letter-writing site. There are websites out there that can help you put your words on “parchment” and use great fonts to craft your letter.

With these guidelines and tips, you’re well on your way to crafting a perfect letter that will capture the heart of the one you love.

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Cyndi Calhoun

Cyndi is a passionate writer who writes about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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