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How to Stop Looking for Happiness in Others and Learn to Create It Yourself

How to Stop Looking for Happiness in Others and Learn to Create It Yourself

Being in a relationship and finding that sweet spot between completely depending on the other person and being completely self-absorbed and absent is not always the easiest task.

But with practice and building awareness of the areas which can lead you into a trap of either hanging on to every little thing your partner does or being a cold robot, you can achieve that sweet spot too.

Many people enter a relationship expecting it to make all their woes go away and provide eternal fulfillment. And this can quickly turn into a state where you look for happiness exclusively in your partner.

Of course, the problems arise when people realise that even though they are with someone, the feeling of dissatisfaction lingers.

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This can lead to you resenting your partner, either openly or hiddenly, accumulating frustration and succumbing to a general feeling of not being fulfilled and helpless.

Good news is that you can escape this state of mind by starting from a simple realization: our true happiness cannot be found in others, rather we have to look inside ourselves to find it.

The path to reclaiming your happiness and possibly saving your relationship can be broken down into several steps:

1. TEST YOURSELF

Look within yourself to check if you have become emotionally dependent. Ask yourself: are you looking for a partner as a way to make yourself happy? Does it upset you if your partner doesn’t act or respond in a certain way? Do you complain about others a lot? Is your relationship the center of your universe? Does your world fall apart when you and your partner don’t do things together?

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If you answered with yes to several of these questions, it may be a sign that you are overly reliant on your relationship for happiness. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person but could be an indication that you are in need of change.

2. START LOOKING FOR HAPPINESS WITHIN YOU, NOT OUTSIDE OF YOU

We are often conditioned to seek happiness in things that surround us, after all, much of the modern economy revolves around the cycle of generating and satisfying needs with things.

The answer lies in realizing that people are not things to fulfill our voids. Their job is not to make us happy – they are probably struggling just as hard themselves.

3. GET COMFORTABLE BEING ON YOUR OWN

Just sit and listen to your thoughts. “If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love someone else” they say and for a reason – it’s a simple truth.

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4. START CREATING AND EXPLORE YOUR POTENTIAL

It’s not uncommon for people to “hide” in relationship, afraid of really giving their all and achieving their potential. The key is to break this cycle and start an activity – join a cooking class, work on your fitness level or start creating music.

Any activit that draws creativity from you and teaches you about yourself can help you. Once you experience the joy of doing something really well and learning from your mistakes, you will be less prone to depending on others to fulfill you.

5. COMPLAIN LESS

Notice the moment when you jump into that “whine mode” and stop yourself right away. Instead of focusing on the negative, drill yourself to draw your attention to the positive, however trivial it may sound. Soon enough you will “rewire” your thought patterns and suffer the burden of complaining a lot less.

6. STOP BEING NEEDY

Also notice the moment when you are being needy with your partner. Become aware of how this pattern repeats and then train yourself to break it the next time. Don’t give up if it doesn’t happen right away, the key lies in persistence.

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7. ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY

Lastly, accept that you alone have the responsibility and power to affect how happy you feel (please don’t make me quote Spiderman here, that is just a cliche, albeit a true one). Go a step forward and don’t just accept it, revel in it and see it as a gift that is always available to you, no matter what situation you find yourself in.

Becoming emotionally self-reliant | Leo Babuta, Zenhabits.net

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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