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How To Be Happy When Things Change

How To Be Happy When Things Change

Several years ago, I attended a college workshop for psychology majors (psychology was my minor) and heard a fascinating story about how change caused depression for someone who, according to everyone else, was a happy person. No one would have suspected it, and I’ve since learned more about how change can actually be a major cause of depression, among other factors.

The speaker at the workshop acknowledged that these types of change, for her, were as simple as moving to a new location. When I first heard this, my initial thought was, “How could something as serious as depression be brought on by something as trivial as moving?” OK, in the moment, that particular thought wasn’t quite so articulate, but I really was curious about how little changes can disturb our happiness.

As the speaker put it, change begets change. Moving to a new location meant she had to get a new job. She had to get along with her new co-workers and make new friends in a city that was unfamiliar to her. I started to see the story unravel.

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That brings us to the task at hand, which is: how to be happy when things change. To do this, I’m outlining several steps to go through if you’re searching for a silver lining to your less-than-ideal situation.

Step 1: Evaluate your definition of happiness.

Before you start dwelling on what your current change means to you at this moment, define your terms. What is your definition of happiness? Put another way, what would it take for you to be happy? What things need to happen, or what things would you need to do in order to find happiness?

This exercise will be the first and last step for some people reading this article. This is because your definition of happiness may not be related to the change you are experiencing at all. For example, your definition of happiness may be as simple as spending time with people you love.

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Well, if the change you are experiencing is that you’ve lost your job and are unemployed, this may actually be an opportunity to spend more time with your children while you’re in between jobs. In this case, defining your standard for happiness resolves any negative feelings you initially have about your change in employment.

Unfortunately, there isn’t always a happy ending, and even scenarios like the one above can lead to severe depression when you can’t seem to achieve the happiness you strive for. Which brings us to …

Step 2: Change or adjust your standard for happiness.

For some people, life may only be worthwhile if they’re making six figures and living in a mansion. Others may believe that their happiness will be achieved if they manage to travel to a certain number of countries and check off a bunch of things on their life’s to-do list.

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The problem is that these goals aren’t always realistic, especially if you fail. Regarding the earlier scenario of losing your job, this situation means that a lot of things are about to change, including your income.

You may worry that your definition of happiness, which is making a lot of money, doesn’t match up nicely with this recent change in your life. To solve this problem, it may be necessary to adjust or modify what happiness means to you.

This means that instead of focusing on making a lot of money, your definition of real happiness may actually come down to being able to provide for your loved ones. From there, you may find this change in your life more manageable and practical.

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Step 3: Let go of attachments and choose happiness.

This is especially valuable advice for individuals who move to a new location. You’re essentially losing something that is very important to you, which could be your hometown or close group of friends. Though it may not be easy, letting go of these attachments and focusing on the new things that are enriching your life is the key to making it through these awkward transitions.

Now, it may be easier said than done to accept these changes, mostly because the attachment can be so strong. But if you’ve been following along with the steps, you may start to realize that your happiness shouldn’t really be a goal or expectation. Happiness should, in fact, be an attitude. It’s a choice.

Once you start to accept that happiness should come from life, no matter what it hands you, then you’ll be able to set a standard for happiness that is sustainable, no matter what external circumstances or changes come your way.

Essentially, you’re choosing happiness and letting it influence every reaction you have when something changes or doesn’t go your way. As a result, you’re ready for anything.

You may also want to read: The 7 Deadly Sins of Happiness.

More by this author

Jon Negroni

An author and blogger who shares about lifestyle advice

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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