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How to Change Your Life From Disappointment to Happiness With 10 Simple Steps

How to Change Your Life From Disappointment to Happiness With 10 Simple Steps

Here it is, another day gone and another series of disappointments. How is it that life got so, well, disappointing?

It wasn’t like that before.  When you were a kid you hated to go to bed at night. You didn’t want to miss anything. You couldn’t wait for summer vacation or a trip to Disneyland or having your best friend sleep over. When did your life go from happy anticipation to not wanting to get out of bed in the morning?

How can you change your life from disappointment to happiness?

The simple answer is viewpoint. How we view something, whether we dread it or look forward to it with bright anticipation determines the actual outcome. The life wrecking viewpoints have snuck in on us so quietly that we didn’t even see them come in and yet here they are, like unwelcome guests that never know when it is time to leave. And here we are, wondering how we got so negative.

There is a way out of it. There are ways to change your viewpoints and thus your actions which will allow you to experience happiness. Here are some simple steps to help you get started.

1. Go into life with less expectation and more exploration.

If you expect life and situations to be a certain, set way no matter what happens, you are doomed to disappointment.

A good example of this is a wedding. Many young girls have a certain view of “Their special day” This is the day where everything must be absolutely “perfect”. There must be no hiccups. The bride’s dress must be perfect, the bride herself will have to lose 20 pounds so she looks her best. The band must perform exactly the right songs at the right time, the caterers cannot step one foot out of line and then maybe, just maybe, everything will be “perfect”. These weddings are almost never “perfect” in every way. How can they possible be? And the bride feels that the day is completely ruined.

How many young ladies have been stressed out of their minds and had melt downs on their wedding day because everything wasn’t “perfect”?

What if a young bride went in with the idea “Whatever happens, it will be perfect!”

She could then plan her wedding without stress. If she were to have that idea, everything that happened that day would be a delightful surprise! Everything that occurred would be meant to be and everything will have been perfect.

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Surprise is what makes life so much fun. If we try to avoid surprises, life becomes like reading the end of the murder mystery and finding out who dunnit before we start reading the beginning. Boring and disappointing!

The most fun I have ever had has been the result of happy accidents that I or someone else, somehow turned into amazing experiences. Life is full of curve balls. Catch them and learn how to turn them into something new and amazing.

2. Learn to trust yourself to handle any situation.

I know that if you feel your life is disappointing you have been through some pretty tough times so far. A lot of people who have been around for awhile have been through some really hard times, but guess what, we are still here! We are still breathing and carrying on. Somehow or other, we got out of it and got ourselves back on track.

It is unrealistic to think that we will never have tough times but it is empowering to know that whatever happens in life, we can and will figure out how to handle it. We all know people who have survived something we are sure that we, ourselves would never survive and yet here they are.

Think back to a really tough situation that you had some time in the past. Perhaps you can even think of many. Well, you got yourself out of all of those didn’t you? It is really amazing how many scrapes we have gotten ourselves out of. When things get tough, think back on the things that you handled and handled well. There are probably more times than you think.

Life has no guarantees and we will go through tough times that try our confidence in ourselves. Just know during those times, that you have found your way this far, you will find your way again.

3. Don’t relive moments in the past and kick yourself over how you handled them.

We live in the present and we all make mistakes. The bigger the spirit of the person and the more active he or she is, the more mistakes they will make. Mistakes are part of the learning curve of life.

It is ok to look back and say to yourself, “How could I have handled that differently and gotten a better result?” That is legitimate as long as you don’t kick yourself for your handling in the first place. If you knew how to handle it correctly, you would have done so.

Give yourself a break and move on. If there is someone in your life who constantly reminds you of your mistakes and criticizes you, get them to knock it off or get rid of them! They are no friend to you and can be quite harmful.

4. Treat yourself as though you were someone else.

When you love someone, you cut them slack, don’t you? You forgive them, don’t you? Yet, there is no one harder on us than we are on ourselves. There is also no one else’s criticisms that are as harmful as the criticisms that we level at ourselves.

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We will eventually become what we think about ourselves  Here is a good rule of thumb: Never say something to yourself or think something about yourself that you would not say to someone you love.

Have you ever said something unkind to someone you cared about and were filled with regret? It was painful to see that you had hurt that person. You probably had trouble getting over it. Why then is it ok to say unkind things to yourself? It is supremely destructive! Resist the impulse to think negative things about yourself.

5. Don’t let the external influences of others distract you from getting what you want.

Here is one thing to remember: whatever someone else thinks of us or says to us has no effect on us until such time as we start to believe it ourselves.

When you start out after a goal, chances are there is someone in your world that will disagree that this is what you should be doing especially if it goes against the ideas that our society has with regard to how everyone should live. It is amazing some of the things you will hear from people.

There are people who will tell you that they know you and you will fail. Others will tell you that you can’t make a living doing (blank). When someone comes to you with that nonsense (and it is nonsense) just know that you are dealing with jealousy or with the person’s own knowledge that they could never achieve the goal you are now going after. Either way, that is in their universe, don’t let it become a part of yours.

All through my life, I have had some pretty wild and different goals. At the same time I have had many people come out to tell me that I should not pursue them. There were many reasons but they were not my reasons. As long as I refused their reasons, I was ok. I got what I wanted. No one, including you, knows what you are capable of until you do something spectacular.

6. Seek out the unknown and embrace it

The world is a great and wonderful place. There are so many people and cultures out there creating beauty, traditions, art and magic. When you go out and open yourself up to experiencing these things, nothing is ever the same. The more you interact with people, the more you find out that we have so much in common. People create these beautiful things and experiences for the enjoyment of others.

Michelangelo's Pieta in St. Peter's

    Chefs create amazing meals, artists create beautiful things to look at and experience, families and cultures create amazing traditions, all so that others can enjoy them. Let them give you that gift. Let them show you their worlds.

    There is nothing that fills you with childlike wonder like seeing new and amazing things. Go out and find them. They could be in your neighborhood. There are unusual restaurants, there are museums and natural wonders. Go experience them!

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    7) Turn off bad news

    Bad news has a very negative affect on us when we hear it and, if we hear it day in and day out, it creates an idea in our minds that the world is a dangerous and hostile place. I used to have this idea until I started travelling. I have ended up in some crazy situations in different parts of the world and have been awestruck at the kindness and generosity of people whose only desire was to assist me. I have friends all over the world and they are all good, honest and kind people.

    Here is a news flash: People are good! Sure there are a few bad apples but the good and great apples outweigh them greatly! If you listen to the news, you get the idea that there are people everywhere out to harm you. This is just not true. Turn off the bad news an listen to music instead.

    Tune into shows that focus on the good in people and not the bad. Try it for a week and see how you feel.

    8) Focus on what you have accomplished and not what you haven’t

    Sit down with a piece of paper and write all of the things you have done that turned out ok or good. Keep writing. You will be surprised at how well you are doing in life.

    Another question you might want to ask yourself is “Is there someone in the past or present who would be disappointed in me?” Association with people who are critical can be very harmful to the way we view ourselves. Is  it possible that your disappointment with yourself is not your disappointment at all but someone else’s?

    If you find this to be true, understand that their disappointment is not yours. They created it, let them own it. It has nothing at all to do with you. Shrug it off and start seeing how well you are really handling your life.

    9) Stop focusing on what Is wrong with others and start looking for the good.

    Not only is focusing on the negative extremely damaging to yourself and destroys your happiness, but it is very damaging to the people you do it to.

    When your son cleans his room, bite your tongue instead of pointing out that he failed to clean the window sills. Praise him for what he did do. Chances are he will do better next time. Be an example for those around you but don’t focus on the ways you feel that they don’t measure up. You will all be happier.

    For a long time I was this way with my kids. I tried so hard to get them to be good and responsible adults. the more I focused on the negative, the more they resisted and the more upsets we had. When I completely stopped looking at the negative and started looking at and pointing out what was right with them, our relationship magically mended and they stepped up. In short, I didn’t make them do the right thing or be the right way, I allowed them to figure out what was right and how they wanted to be. They are now happy and productive and, best yet, I don’t have to worry about them in life. I know they will be fine.

    10) Plan a vacation, go to Disneyland or have a sleepover!

    Just because we are adults doesn’t mean we have to stop enjoying life. If you are enjoying life, it doesn’t mean that you are not doing it right. Being serious sounds virtuous but it is NOT! You are actually more productive when you are having fun!

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    Sit down right now and figure out what special treat would make you happy. No matter what it is, plan it out step by step and start putting it into action. Then plan several more.

    When you have a lot of cool things on your calendar, instead of looking at life as a series of burdensome chores, you start thinking of it as a series of cool vacations or fun things that happen to have some work and some chores mixed in. Nothing gets you through a tough week at work like knowing you are taking off on a ski vacation or even a camping trip. Plan them and go!

    I know I promised you ten things but I can’t resist giving you this FREE BONUS THING!

    As you do these steps, you will see patterns emerge in life. You will see other ways you can be happier just by changing the way you look at things.

    The best way to change your life and your viewpoints is to look at your own ideas toward the various aspects of life. A good start is to decide what the absolute best and ideal you is.

    Several years ago I wrote a short story entitled “The Holy Man”. In the story, the Holy Man is strong, courageous, honest, compassionate, loving and persistent. In fact, he is the embodiment of all of the best qualities that I most admire in a person. He accomplishes great things.

    I had a lot of soul searching to do when I created that character and I wondered long and hard where he had come from. How could little old me come up with someone so perfect?

    After much reflection, I realized that this Holy Man was me. No, not the me who lives on this earth and makes mistakes and has done all of the above things that have made me unhappy, but me at my most perfect. It is who I am when I embody all of these admirable characteristics. I must have them in me because I created this character.

    And If I have them in me then I know you have them in you.

    The question you should ask yourself is “Who is my Holy Man?” Everybody has one.

    What would your Holy Man do? What would he or she think? How would they react? This Holy Man would be the ideal you, the you at your most beautiful, your most powerful, your most intelligent, your most fearless and your most compassionate. That is the real you. Get to know your Holy Man. Ask yourself what viewpoint would that person have? Adopt that viewpoint and do what he or she would do. You will know it is correct.

    Good luck!

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    Chris Ellis

    Successful Author, Life Coach and Musician

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    Last Updated on December 9, 2019

    What Makes a Good Leader: 10 Critical Leadership Qualities

    What Makes a Good Leader: 10 Critical Leadership Qualities

    The word “leader” makes you think of people in charge. High-ranking people – your boss, politicians, presidents, CEOs…

    But leadership really isn’t about a particular position or a person’s seniority. Just because someone has worked for many years doesn’t mean he has gained the qualities and skills to lead a team.

    Getting promoted to a managerial position doesn’t automatically turn you into a leader either. CEOs and other high-ranking officials don’t always have great leadership skills.

    So what makes a good leader? What are the characteristics of a leader?

    Good leadership is about acquiring and honing skills. Leadership skills enable you to be a role model for a team in any environment. With great leadership qualities, successful leaders come in all shapes and sizes: in the home, at school, or at the workplace.

    The following is a list of characteristics of a leader who successfully leads a great team:

    1. Stay Positive, Even in the Worst Situations

    Great leaders know that they won’t have a happy and motivated team unless they themselves exhibit a positive attitude. This can be done by remaining positive when things go wrong and, by creating a relaxed and happy atmosphere in the workplace.

    Even some simple things like providing cupcakes or beers on Fridays can make the world of difference. An added perk is that team members are likely to work harder and do overtime when needed if they’re happy and appreciated.

    Even in the worst situations such as experiencing low team morale or team members having made a big mistake at work, a great leader stays positive and figure out ways to keep the team motivated to solve the problems.

    Walt Disney (1901-1966), had his share of hardships and challenges; and like any great leader, he managed to stay positive and find new opportunities. In 1928, Disney found that his film producer, Charles Mintz, wanted to reduce his payments for the Oswald series. Mintz threatened to cut ties entirely if Disney didn’t accept his terms, and Disney chose to part ways. But in leaving Oswald, Disney decided to create something new: the iconic Mickey Mouse.

      What Can You Learn from Walt Disney?

      Break down huge challenges into smaller ones and find ways to tackle them one by one.

      Think about the lessons you can learn from the mistake and jot them down — Because sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.

      2. Exhibit Confidence Everywhere

      All great leaders have to exhibit an air of confidence if they’re going to succeed. Please don’t confuse this with self-satisfaction and arrogance. You want people to look up to you for inspiration, not so they can punch you in the face.

      Confidence is important because people will be looking to you on how to behave, particularly if things aren’t going 100% right. If you remain calm and poised, team members are far more likely to as well. As a result, morale and productivity will remain high and the problem will be solved more quickly.

      If you panic and give up, they will know immediately and things will simply go down hill from there.

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      Elon Musk is a great example of a leader with confidence. He truly believes that Tesla will be successful, which he has shown many times through his actions. He converted 532,000 stock options at $6.63 each, their value on Dec. 4, 2009, before Tesla went public. It was a hefty bargain considering Tesla’s stock price stood at around $195 per share at that time. He doesn’t apologize for his beliefs and has drawn fire from just about everyone for his political actions.

        What Can You Learn from Elon Musk?

        You can’t instantly become a very confident person, but all the small things you do every day will gradually make you more confident:

        • List 10 things you like about yourself every day (something different every day), and you’ll be more confident about yourself.
        • Work on your strengths, do your best to enhance them.

        3. Have a Sense of Humor

        It’s imperative for any kind of leader to have a sense of humor, particularly when things go wrong. And they will.

        Your team members are going to be looking to you for how to react in a seemingly dire situation. It would probably be best if you weren’t stringing up a noose for yourself in the corner. You need to be able to laugh things off, because if staff morale goes down, so will productivity.

        Establish this environment prior to any kind of meltdown by encouraging humor and personal discussions in the work place.

        As president, Barack Obama exuded confidence and calm during stressful situations. But he was also known for his “dad jokes”,[1] his genuinely funny speeches at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, and appearing on Zack Galifianakis’s Between Two Ferns.[2] Obama’s sense of humor made him grounded, realistic, and honest – no doubt that helped during some tense moments in the White House!

          What Can You Learn from Barak Obama?

          Laugh at yourself. Confident people laugh about their own silly mistakes, others will also trust you more because you’re willing to share your experiences.

          Be observant and learn from the jokes others make. You can also get a lot of inspirations from the internet.

          4. Embrace Failures and Manage Set Backs

          No matter how hard you try to avoid it, failures will happen; that’s okay. You just need to know how to deal with them.

          Great leaders take them in strides. They remain calm and logically think through the situation and utilize their resources. What they don’t do is fall apart and reveal to their team how worried they are, which leads to negative morale, fear and binge-drinking under desks.

          Great leaders do in fact lead, even when they’re faced with setbacks.

          Henry Ford experienced a major setback after designing and improving the Ford Quadricycle. He founded the Detroit Automobile Company in 1899, but the resulting cars they produced did not live up to his standards and were too expensive. The company dissolved in 1901. Ford took this in stride and formed the Henry Ford Company. The sales were slow and the company had financial problems; it wasn’t until 1903 that the Ford Motor Company was successful and put the Ford on the map.

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            What Can You Learn from Walt Disney?

            Get to the root cause of any problem so you can prevent it from happening again and learn from the mistake.

            To do this, use the 5 Whys problem solving framework.

            By asking “why” for 5 times (or more) on why something happened, you can find out the key factor that caused the problem and can find the best solution to tackle the problem.

            You’ll also learn how to prevent this from happening again in the future after finding out a problem’s root cause.

            5. Listen, and Give Feedback

            This is far more complex than it actually sounds. Good communication skills are essential for a great leader. You may very well understand the cave of crazy that is your brain, but that doesn’t mean that you can adequately take the ideas out of it and explain them to someone else.

            The best leaders need to be able to communicate clearly with the people around them. They also need to be able to interpret other people properly and not take what they say personally.

            The Dalai Lama, as a symbol of the unification of the state of Tibet, represents and practices Buddhist values. The Dalai Lama’s leadership is benevolent and aims toward truth and understanding, alongside the other Buddhist precepts. This is a great example for all leaders: if you want to give good directions to others, you have to get feedback from others to understand the situation properly.

              What Can You Learn from Dalai Lama?

              Encourage communication between team members and establishing an open door policy.

              Practice not to interrupt team members when they’re talking.

              Summarize what they say and ask for feedback every time after you have talked about your ideas.

              6. Know How and When to Delegate

              No matter how much you might want to, you can’t actually do everything yourself. Even if you could, in a team environment that would be a terrible idea anyway.

              Good leaders recognize that delegation does more than simply alleviate their own stress levels (although that’s obviously a nice perk). Delegating to others shows that you have confidence in their abilities, which subsequently results in higher morale in the workplace, as well as loyalty from your staff. They want to feel appreciated and trusted.

              Although Steve Jobs is known for focusing in on the smallest of details, he knew how to delegate. By finding, cultivating, and trusting capable team members – like Tim Cook – Jobs was able to make Apple run smoothly, even while he had to be absent for extended periods of time.

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                What Can You Learn from Steve Jobs?

                To know when and how to delegate work to team members, you have to be very familiar with each of them:

                • List out all of their strengths, weaknesses and personalities.
                • Talk with your team members more too to know more about their passion and interests.

                Take a look at this guide and learn more about delegation: How to Delegate Work Effectively (The Definitive Guide for Leaders)

                7. Inspire and Grow People Around

                Any good leader knows how important it is to develop the skills of those around them. The best can recognize those skills early on. Not only will development make work easier as they improve and grow, it will also foster morale. In addition, they may develop some skills that you don’t possess that will be beneficial to the workplace.

                Great leaders share their knowledge with the team and give them the opportunity to achieve. This is how leaders gain their respect and loyalty.

                Pope Francis has been unusually popular with many Catholics and many non-Catholics. His position isn’t totally traditional, which is part of his appeal, but he also has admirable leadership skills. Pope Francis’s TED talk drew attention, because he encouraged leaders to be humble and to demonstrate solidarity with others. This inclusive, kind, and respectful style of leadership is incredibly important for any situation.

                  What Can You Learn from Pope Francis?

                  Spend time to talk with other team members individually to understand them.

                  Find out team members’ current challenges and try to give feedback and encouragement so they will grow and do better.

                  8. Take Responsibility and Never Blame Others

                  Great leaders know that when it comes to their company, work place or whatever situation they’re in, they need to take personal responsibility for failure. How can they expect employees to hold themselves accountable if they themselves don’t?

                  The best leaders don’t make excuses; they take the blame and then work out how to fix the problem as soon as possible. This proves that they’re trustworthy and possess integrity.

                  Howard Gillman is the chancellor of UC Irvine. You might have heard of how the university rescinded a bunch of acceptances, and then changed its mind.[3] This past spring, an unusually high number of accepted students decided to matriculate; the school initially responded by rescinding offers over things like missed deadlines. But the college realized this was a mistake and reversed its decision. Gillman and the university accepted responsibility and decided to move past their earlier bad decision.

                    What Can You Learn from Howard Gillman?

                    Ask yourself what you could have done better to prevent this from happening.

                    Take the responsibility and think about what you can do better to prevent this from happening next time.

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                    9. Make Decisions Based on Lessons Learned in the Past

                    It’s safe to say that all great leaders will have to enter unchartered waters at some point during their career (figuratively, of course). Because of this, they have to be able to trust their intuition and draw on past experiences to guide them.

                    Great leaders know that there’s always something to learn from everything they have experienced before. They are able to connect the present challenges with the lessons learned in the past to make decisions and take actions promptly.

                    You can either recall what you’ve learned from your memories, or search from your notes (ideally, a software that you can access anywhere with things well-organized).

                    Warren Buffett, one of the richest people in the world, has mostly made the right calls. But in dealing with huge amounts of money, Buffett has also made several multi-million (and sometimes multi-billion) dollar mistakes. He has stated that buying the company Berkshire Hathaway was his biggest mistake.[4] From that poor choice, he realized that it was unwise to pursue “improvements” and “expansions” in the existing textile industry. Despite mistakes like this, Buffett has invested wisely – and it shows.

                      What Can You Learn from Warren Buffett?

                      Write down lessons you’ve learned from any mistakes you’ve made.

                      Have all the lessons well organized and  when similar things happen again in future, take these lessons as references.

                      10. Lead by Example and Commit to Do the Best

                      Great leaders stick to their commitments and promises, and they are the most committed and hard working ones on the job. All great leaders lead by example.

                      Why should your staff and team members give it their all if you don’t bother to? By proving your own commitment, great leaders will inspire others to do the same, as well as earn their respect and instill a good work ethic.

                      After 15 years of house arrest, Aung San Suu Kyi was voted state counsellor in Myanmar – one of the highest-profile and most powerful positions in the country. She became a symbol of peaceful resistance when she attempted to bring democracy to her country.[5] In the early years of her detention, she was often in solitary confinement. Suu Kyi is a perfect example of committed and belief-driven leadership, which she openly demonstrated during her many years of house arrest.

                        What Can You Learn from Aung San Suu Kyi?

                        Some people learn by observing the way you perform a task, some need more detailed guidelines.

                        So dedicate time to demonstrate your work to team members, let them observe how you do it. Summarize the skills you use and let team members know how you make difficult things work.

                        The Bottom Line

                        Leadership traits are learnable. If you practice consistently, you can be a great leader too.

                        Make small changes your habits when you work with your team – wherever that may be. Most of us aren’t presidents or CEOs.

                        But we all work with other people, and our actions always impact others. This gives every person the chance to develop leadership skills and to stand out from the crowd.

                        More About Leadership

                        Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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