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Before You Let Someone Enter Your Life, You Should Have These 15 Things First

Before You Let Someone Enter Your Life, You Should Have These 15 Things First

If you think getting into a relationship will make you “whole” or “complete,” think again. So many people enter into a relationship thinking the other person will have the ability to make them happy, when in reality happiness starts from within. If you want a healthy, long-lasting relationship, make sure to have these 15 qualities before you start looking for that perfect match:

1. Self-worth

Knowing your worth means you won’t settle for less than you deserve. You won’t be looking for someone to complete you, because you understand that you are already complete. You know you’re worthy of the time, energy, and dedication a relationship takes. A good sense of self-worth also means you’ll be less likely to “settle” in a relationship.

2. Your own group of friends

Having a stable group of comrades will provide you with an equilibrium. New relationships tend to take up a large chunk of time in the beginning, and a good group of friends will remind you to stay balanced. Another benefit of fostering friendships before you enter into a romantic relationship is having people who know the real you. Good friends will tell you if you aren’t acting like yourself.

3. A realistic view of relationships

The honeymoon phase isn’t going to last forever. When the infatuation subsides and you settle back into a routine (except now another person has been added into your routine), this doesn’t mean the relationship is fizzling out. Long-term relationships aren’t meant to continuously function on an emotional high. Unfortunately, our society has portrayed an unrealistic view of romance through movies and literature. It is important to remember that real relationships involve real people, each with their own set of flaws and idiosyncrasies. Being realistic in your expectations is essential. In order to stay fresh, relationships take consistent effort from both parties.

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4. Financial independence

You’ll want to make sure you’re not only financially independent, but also that you have a well-rounded understanding of money management. A level head when it comes to money will keep you in control of your own financial well-being. Being financially independent before you start a relationship will give you a sense of security. You won’t have to depend on anyone else to keep you afloat.

5. Let go of that ex

In order to cultivate a healthy relationship with a new person, all feelings toward your ex need to be dealt with. You’ll want to have moved on completely from your past. Entering into a new relationship without resolving a previous one can lead to unnecessary animosity. You might start comparing your new partner to your ex or harboring resentments and projecting them onto your new relationship.

6. A handle on your behavior when tipsy

Hopefully, you’re done with the drunk make-out sessions and hook-ups. If these kinds of relationships are something you want to continue with, then you aren’t quite ready for one-on-one commitment. If you can’t trust yourself, then your girlfriend or boyfriend won’t be able to trust you either. Without trust, the relationship has no foundation.

7. Understand that a relationship is a want, not a need

You don’t need to be in a relationship. You are perfectly okay by yourself. A relationship is one of those bonuses of life. If you enter into a relationship thinking you need it, you risk becoming dependent on someone. This perpetuates a codependent dichotomy, which can cause harm to those involved. Your relationship is a beautiful addition to your already complete life.

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8. The ability to be alone

You’ll want to be comfortable in your own skin before you invite someone else into your life. This means you need possess the ability to be alone – and be comfortable with it. Can you sit at home with a cup of tea and a book without getting antsy? One of the hardest things a person can do is be alone, but it’s essential. Because even in a relationship, you’ll find yourself alone from time to time.

9. Balance

As stated earlier, your friends (if they are good friends) will help with this, but you have to make sure your sense of balance is intact before entering into a relationship. Naturally, a new relationship will skew your balance a little, but you should be able bring everything back into harmony with ease.

10. An understanding of what you are looking for

Do you have any ideas about what you are looking for in a partner? While remembering to stay flexible, also have some ideas about what you want in a match. Do you want to have kids down the road? Do you want to travel? Maybe you don’t think this is necessary to think about at the moment, but these are questions that will affect the relationship long term.

11. The ability to compromise

Compromise in a relationship is unavoidable. No matter how alike you and your partner are, there will come a time with your opinions differ on a particular subject. When a difference of opinion occurs, you will need to come to a compromise.

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12. An open mind

It’s good to have expectations in mind when looking for a partner, but also remember to stay open-minded. What you want might manifest itself in a person you didn’t expect. Be open enough to step outside your comfort zone. This doesn’t imply that you need to settle, just try something different.

13. Your own set of hobbies

Know what you like to do. Are you into yoga or paddle-boarding? Your partner will come with his or her own set of hobbies. It’s important to have your own as well. That way, when your partner really wants to attend the latest Comic-Con event, you and your friends can plan a paddle-boarding date.

14. Goals

It’s not enough to know what your goals are. You’ll want to have an actionable plan when it comes to achieving them. The right partner will help you achieve those goals, but sometimes your aspirations can get lost in the mix of a new relationship.

15. Time

Relationships take time. Getting to know someone takes time. If you are in the middle of a college degree and working part-time, or if you are in the midst of a strenuous career, you might not have the extra hours to dedicate to getting to know someone. This may well be one of the most important factors in letting someone into your life.

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Do you have any other suggestions for someone thinking about taking the plunge into a relationship? Share them in the comments below! 

Featured photo credit: Heart Cut/Lefteris Heretakis via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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