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9 Terrible Habits That Are Secretly Ruining Your Relationship

9 Terrible Habits That Are Secretly Ruining Your Relationship

People do not begin a relationship intent upon ruining it. We meet someone and we are either immediately drawn to them like magnets on opposite poles (and this may be a red flag) or the relationship heats up to a slow simmer. But soon the things we thought were cute or quirky begin to irritate like a pebble in a shoe. Over time, these secret habits are ruining your relationship, so before that happens, let’s uncover some of the worst offenders.

Blabbing = Ruined Relationship

  1. Have you ever turned to your friends or family in times of crisis or smaller problems? Has your partner found out you didn’t pay the rent from your sister during a backyard barbecue? Ouch! Talk about feeling like the insignificant other! If you don’t feel you can communicate in a time of crisis, it’s time to work on communication.
  2. About 10 years ago a girlfriend said something that has stayed with me ever since. I was complaining about something silly my husband had done and she said, “We sure can build a case, can’t we?” I realized that in a moment of irritation, all I could think of were things my husband did that closed my case, conveniently forgetting all the wonderful things he does on a daily basis…and I was even telling my friend about them! Ugly stuff!
  3. Years ago I had a client who called his mother every time his wife tried to tell him something he didn’t quite believe. This eroded the relationship big-time. She felt disrespected, and it caused her to resent her mother-in-law. Never a good thing.

 Being Too Busy = Ruined Relationship

4. You’ve heard it said that relationships take work…but they take play, too! Make sure you make time to have fun together as a couple. Plan times alone. Make a date night if you have children at home. Do things that make time for conversation. A favorite of my husband’s was the time I packed a picnic dinner and bought a bottle of wine. When he got home from work, I drove us out to the lake where we sat high on a bluff in the late afternoon sun. So much better than sitting in front of the boob-tube, eh?

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5. Turn off the cell phone…shut the lid to the laptop! Sometimes it can’t be helped, but I know couples who not only fight via text messages, but also sit on the couch together and text their friends half the night while their spouse flips channels on Hulu.

6. There is such thing as “alone time”, though, and this can enhance a relationship if it’s kept in balance. Each of us has our own tolerance for alone time. Some like to spend time alone or with other people quite a bit. Others think commitment means being together constantly. If you misread signals, feelings can get hurt. This is a big one to talk about early in the relationship. Don’t be too busy for each other, but don’t smother each other, either.

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 Battling = Ruined Relationship

7. Subconsciously we want our partners to meet our emotional needs. We just don’t realize that our needs come from our personal history and our partner may not know what they are. They have their own needs as well, and when the twain shall meet it can mean fireworks! Remember that your partner’s reaction comes from somewhere. It could be you triggered insecurity, or fear, or shame. Check your heart. Soften your blame. Nothing calms anger like being validated for your feelings.

8. There are three basic ways we “dance” with our partner. We pursue each other (butt heads), we withdraw from each other (off to our own corners) or one pursues while the other withdraws. You want to get back to that fine waltz. Remember how you talked for hours in the beginning? Look for what is being left out of the conversation now, like grace, for instance.

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9. No sniping! Do you remember watching those couples who put each other down in front of other people, or act like they are constantly in a state of crabbiness? You and your partner vowed you would never become like them. So stop it already! Realize that your partner is not going to want to spend much time with you if he or she feels terrible about themselves in your company.

These nine relationship busters are just starting points, but they are important. They can secretly destroy a relationship if left unchecked.

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Know of any that got left off this list? What would make a good #10? Post your comments below and let’s have a conversation.

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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