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9 Terrible Habits That Are Secretly Ruining Your Relationship

9 Terrible Habits That Are Secretly Ruining Your Relationship

People do not begin a relationship intent upon ruining it. We meet someone and we are either immediately drawn to them like magnets on opposite poles (and this may be a red flag) or the relationship heats up to a slow simmer. But soon the things we thought were cute or quirky begin to irritate like a pebble in a shoe. Over time, these secret habits are ruining your relationship, so before that happens, let’s uncover some of the worst offenders.

Blabbing = Ruined Relationship

  1. Have you ever turned to your friends or family in times of crisis or smaller problems? Has your partner found out you didn’t pay the rent from your sister during a backyard barbecue? Ouch! Talk about feeling like the insignificant other! If you don’t feel you can communicate in a time of crisis, it’s time to work on communication.
  2. About 10 years ago a girlfriend said something that has stayed with me ever since. I was complaining about something silly my husband had done and she said, “We sure can build a case, can’t we?” I realized that in a moment of irritation, all I could think of were things my husband did that closed my case, conveniently forgetting all the wonderful things he does on a daily basis…and I was even telling my friend about them! Ugly stuff!
  3. Years ago I had a client who called his mother every time his wife tried to tell him something he didn’t quite believe. This eroded the relationship big-time. She felt disrespected, and it caused her to resent her mother-in-law. Never a good thing.

 Being Too Busy = Ruined Relationship

4. You’ve heard it said that relationships take work…but they take play, too! Make sure you make time to have fun together as a couple. Plan times alone. Make a date night if you have children at home. Do things that make time for conversation. A favorite of my husband’s was the time I packed a picnic dinner and bought a bottle of wine. When he got home from work, I drove us out to the lake where we sat high on a bluff in the late afternoon sun. So much better than sitting in front of the boob-tube, eh?

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5. Turn off the cell phone…shut the lid to the laptop! Sometimes it can’t be helped, but I know couples who not only fight via text messages, but also sit on the couch together and text their friends half the night while their spouse flips channels on Hulu.

6. There is such thing as “alone time”, though, and this can enhance a relationship if it’s kept in balance. Each of us has our own tolerance for alone time. Some like to spend time alone or with other people quite a bit. Others think commitment means being together constantly. If you misread signals, feelings can get hurt. This is a big one to talk about early in the relationship. Don’t be too busy for each other, but don’t smother each other, either.

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 Battling = Ruined Relationship

7. Subconsciously we want our partners to meet our emotional needs. We just don’t realize that our needs come from our personal history and our partner may not know what they are. They have their own needs as well, and when the twain shall meet it can mean fireworks! Remember that your partner’s reaction comes from somewhere. It could be you triggered insecurity, or fear, or shame. Check your heart. Soften your blame. Nothing calms anger like being validated for your feelings.

8. There are three basic ways we “dance” with our partner. We pursue each other (butt heads), we withdraw from each other (off to our own corners) or one pursues while the other withdraws. You want to get back to that fine waltz. Remember how you talked for hours in the beginning? Look for what is being left out of the conversation now, like grace, for instance.

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9. No sniping! Do you remember watching those couples who put each other down in front of other people, or act like they are constantly in a state of crabbiness? You and your partner vowed you would never become like them. So stop it already! Realize that your partner is not going to want to spend much time with you if he or she feels terrible about themselves in your company.

These nine relationship busters are just starting points, but they are important. They can secretly destroy a relationship if left unchecked.

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Know of any that got left off this list? What would make a good #10? Post your comments below and let’s have a conversation.

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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