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8 Types of Toxic Partners You Should Never Let Stay with You

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8 Types of Toxic Partners You Should Never Let Stay with You

There are toxic partners we simply can’t handle. They are just detrimental to our existence and progress. Relationships should fulfill us and help us to become better people—not tear us apart and make our lives unlivable. In a relationship, it is important for you to find yourself an ideal match. And certainly, that match shouldn’t break your world apart with a toxic flow.

1. The Jealous Partner

A bit of jealousy is okay—it adds spice to a relationship. But like salt, you can sprinkle too much of it onto a meal. A partner can be so jealous that it makes your relationship acidic. Little things, like not being able to spend time with your friends or chat on the phone with other people can be infectious. Taking jealousy too far can be toxic.

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2. The Domineering Partner

How does your partner feel about your projects or goals? Does he/she want to make every decision for you? A relationship should not turn you into a robot; rather there should be cases when the other person wants to support you and watch you take actions that you consider ideal. If a partner becomes too controlling, you should understand that you are in a relationship with a toxic person.

3. The Extremely Insecure Partner

Nothing you seem to say or try to do can be assuring enough for this sort of partner. Even when you have made and offered tons of proof to make him/her accept and believe in your love, they still remain terribly insecure. Such toxic partners can drag away your positive energy and be a frustrating distraction most of the time.

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4. The Absolute Perfectionist

It is great to be in a relationship with a perfectionist, as they encourage more purpose and action. However this could be excessive and could be obsessive if they want everything in your life and everything that surrounds both of you to be perfect. Such people with a perfectionist streak will always be looking for flaws with you and make it impossible for you to enjoy the relationship.

5. The Narcissistic Partner

This type of partner may love and adore you. There is nothing that would have been so wrong with them except that they treat you like an accessory. They are materialistic and are more concerned about physical appearances. The world should revolve around them and your relationship should be the one that is always talked about by others. You are more of a doll to accomplish their purpose of being noticed. If you want to improve your self-esteem, you have to avoid such a relationship.

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6. The Blaming Partner

This type is never in the wrong or never takes responsibility for their mistakes. Their frustrations and disappointments are something they pile on you. You cannot turn the cards on them as that will only lead to more frustrations with you. If you are always blamed by a partner for things you do not know anything about then you are in a relationship with a toxic partner.

7. The Competitive Partner

Even when they claim they love you and they would do anything for you, they see you only as competition rather than a partner. They don’t want you to beat them at anything, whether it is in earning money or a game. They never want to lose and are sore losers when they do. Your fall is something they cherish, as they see this as an opportunity to pick you up again on your feet and show you how on top they are.

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8. The Lying Partner

We all lie. It is in our nature to lie out of fear, doubts or worry. But some partners are chronic liars. They simply lie all the time. They treat lying as a means to get at you. While you become insecure and frustrated about their act of lying, the drama excites them.

Featured photo credit: http://www.flickr.com via flickr.com

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More by this author

Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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