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8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Spouse

8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Spouse

Words are powerful, and they can be used to build an amazing relationship or to destroy a relationship. Here are 10 things to be careful to never say to your spouse:

1. “You’re crazy.”

The way someone feels can never be “wrong” or “crazy.” Instead, say, “I can see how you would feel that way.”

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2. Nothing.

The “silent treatment,” or in couples-therapist-speak “stonewalling,” is very dangerous to a relationship. It creates disconnection and frustration. Instead, tell your partner you need a short amount of time to “cool off,” and then intentionally go back to the conversation later.

3. “It’s your fault.”

Assigning blame is useless and nonconstructive. It just leads to further disconnection and anger. Instead, always also consixer your contribution to the problem. Also, directly ask of your partner for what you would like him/her to do differently instead of assigning blame. Instead of saying, “Well, we wouldn’t be late if you didn’t take so long to do your hair,” say, “Could you start doing your hair earlier?  I will help out with the baby to make that possible.”

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4. “You always….” or “You never…”

Criticism has been identified by researchers as one of the four communication habits that predict divorce. Instead of discussing all of your partner’s shortcomings, again, be constructive. Simply tell him/her how you feel and what you would like him/her to do differently. Instead of saying, “You never do anything around here,” say, “I am feeling overwhelmed and not considered.  Could you please be in charge of doing the dishes every night after dinner?”

5. “Just be nicer/better,” or any other vague request.

While making a request is better than criticism, vague and unrealistic requests can just further intensify the situation by frustrating your partner. Tell your spouse specifically what you would like, and be realistic. For example, instead of saying, “Pay more attention to me,” say, “Please give me a hug and a kiss when you get home from work and have your phone put away during meal times.”

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6. “The word “divorce” said in anger/during a fight.

Using the “D” word is the ultimate way to nonconstructive get out your anger and hurt your partner. It causes mistrust and uncertainty in the relationship. Instead, explain how you feel and what you would want your spouse to do differenty in the future. If you are too angry to talk rationally, take a short, intentional break, but go back to the conversation later. (Don’t ignore it, stonewall, or give your spouse the silent treatment.)

7. “Kate never complains to her husband,” “John helps out with carpool,” or any other version of comparing your spouse to someone else.

Instead, focus on your spouse’s contribution, and openly appreciate him/her for what he/she does “right.” If there is room for improvement, without mentioning any comparision, simply ask your partner for what you would like him/her to do with a reasonable and specific request.

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8. “THIS is why my mother doesn’t like you,” or any other form of aligning loyalties with someone else.

Instead, show solidarity to your spouse when it comes to other people’s criticism. If you have you own issue with your spouse’s behavior, take it up with him/her by explaining your feelings and making a direct request. There is no need to “gang up” on him/her in order to make your point.

Featured photo credit: Greyerbaby via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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