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8 Things To Remember Before Moving On To The Next Relationship

8 Things To Remember Before Moving On To The Next Relationship

Are you feeling loss, despair, and sheer pain after a break up? The wounds are open and still hurt a lot. Obviously these will all have to be worked through and dealt with so that you can heal and move on. Remember that you have never loved in vain.

“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart”
-Washington Irving

Here are 8 things to remember to help you move on. Make sure you have all these checked off before you start getting involved again.

1. Stop thinking about what went wrong.

You know the drill. You start to go over again and again what you should have said to him/her. Then there is the whole litany of what you should have done, how you should have reacted and what you should have protested about or changed or …. The lying, cheating, dishonesty and sheer bloody-mindedness still shock you. The softer, romantic, and nostalgic moments of the shared dreams and plans haunt you too.

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The best solution is to accept that it has happened and that you are not a lesser or weaker person. Reflect on what mistakes you perhaps made because, let’s be honest, we can always learn from them. Convince yourself that after closure, you will be stronger, better, and just as attractive, if not more so, than before.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us”
-Alexander Graham Bell

2. Promise not to stalk your ex.

Let us hope this is reciprocal! But there is a much milder form of cyber stalking which has you sneaking around your ex’s Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. You are always there, lurking and watching. It’s toxic, so stop it!

3. Spoil yourself.

This is the best time to start spoiling yourself and do all the things that you held back from doing because you did not want to appear too selfish. Now is the time to splurge on a new car, gym membership, new sports or hobbies, holidays and having a great time. Try to seek out what stimulates you and makes you passionate because these are often brushed under the carpet in a deep and intense relationship.

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4. Take care of your health.

After a break up, you are normally physically weaker and stressed out. The whole situation has drained you mentally as well. This is the time to ease back, if you can, on work and family commitments. Time to put yourself first, get plenty of sleep, eat well and try to get some exercise.

Try to convince yourself that the stronger and healthier you are, the more attractive and fascinating you will become. Things can only get better.

5. Re-connect with friends and family.

Gravitate towards supportive friends and family who will be a tower of strength to you in this difficult transition period. Avoid any friends who are too curious and gossipy. They will want to know the ins and outs of the break up but this sort of post-mortem analysis really needs to be minimal. Sometimes it may help with closure to talk about it. But never let it become obsessive where you and your friend make nasty comments about your ex all the time.

Try to socialize as much as possible as loneliness and isolation are likely to generate too many negative thoughts, worries, fears and regrets. It may be a good idea for you to do charity work or get involved in a project you feel passionate about. It helps to heal wounds and opens up new opportunities for making friends. You are now beginning to move on.

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“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
-Albert Einstein

6. Change your routine.

There is always the risk that you may run into your ex and that is not really going to help, especially if you are still in the closure phase.

The best solution is to adjust your routine and also seek out new haunts. That might mean changing your bar, gym and tennis club but it is well worth the effort because they will spur you on to the new chapter in your life. As someone wisely said, “Frequent your possible future, not your past.”

 7. Don’t be too compromising.

When you get the chance to date someone that could be interesting, you need to make sure that you have certain things in order. First, you need to make sure that you are not carrying any heavy emotional baggage from your previous relationship. Second, you need to remind yourself about what you like and expect from a significant relationship. Keep this in the forefront of your mind as you get more and more involved. There is no way you are going to let your standards slip and you know which boundaries cannot be crossed. Been there, done that!

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“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.” – Anonymous

8. Start living again.

Look out for the healthy closure signs which mean that you can now really move on. You have to remember that you are stronger, not weaker after a break up. You are still committed to those values and priorities for a really significant relationship. Above all, you realize what skills and talent you possess to move on to the next relationship. Now is the time to start living again, in the real sense of the word.

“I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived”
-Margaret Mitchell (author of Gone With The Wind)

Featured photo credit: a disagreement in the water/Paul Aloe via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on February 13, 2019

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

Think being happy is something that happens as a result of luck, circumstance, having money, etc.? Think again.

Happiness is a mindset. And if you’re looking to improve your ability to find happiness, then check out these 10 things happy people do differently.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. -Dalai Lama

1. Happy people find balance in their lives.

Folks who are happy have this in common: they’re content with what they have, and don’t waste a whole lot of time worrying and stressing over things they don’t. Unhappy people do the opposite: they spend too much time thinking about what they don’t have. Happy people lead balanced lives. This means they make time for all the things that are important to them, whether it’s family, friends, career, health, religion, etc.

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2. Happy people abide by the golden rule.

You know that saying you heard when you were a kid, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” Well, happy people truly embody this principle. They treat others with respect. They’re sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of other people. They’re compassionate. And they get treated this way (most of the time) in return.

3. Happy people don’t sweat the small stuff.

One of the biggest things happy people do differently compared to unhappy people is they let stuff go. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. Happy people realize this, are able to take things in stride, and move on. Unhappy people tend to dwell on minor inconveniences and issues, which can perpetuate feelings of sadness, guilt, resentment, greed, and anger.

4. Happy people take responsibility for their actions.

Happy people aren’t perfect, and they’re well aware of that. When they screw up, they admit it. They recognize their faults and work to improve on them. Unhappy people tend to blame others and always find an excuse why things aren’t going their way. Happy people, on the other hand, live by the mantra:

“There are two types of people in the world: those that do and those that make excuses why they don’t.”

5. Happy people surround themselves with other happy people.

happiness surrounding

    One defining characteristic of happy people is they tend to hang out with other happy people. Misery loves company, and unhappy people gravitate toward others who share their negative sentiments. If you’re struggling with a bout of sadness, depression, worry, or anger, spend more time with your happiest friends or family members. Chances are, you’ll find that their positive attitude rubs off on you.

    6. Happy people are honest with themselves and others.

    People who are happy often exhibit the virtues of honesty and trustworthiness. They would rather give you candid feedback, even when the truth hurts, and they expect the same in return. Happy people respect people who give them an honest opinion.

    7. Happy people show signs of happiness.

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    smile

      This one may sound obvious but it’s a key differentiator between happy and unhappy people. Think about your happiest friends. Chances are, the mental image you form is of them smiling, laughing, and appearing genuinely happy. On the flip side, those who aren’t happy tend to look the part. Their posture may be slouched and you may perceive a lack of confidence.

      8. Happy people are passionate.

      Another thing happy people have in common is their ability to find their passions in life and pursue those passions to the fullest. Happy people have found what they’re looking for, and they spend their time doing what they love.

      9. Happy people see challenges as opportunities.

      Folks who are happy accept challenges and use them as opportunities to learn and grow. They turn negatives into positives and make the best out of seemingly bad situations. They don’t dwell on things that are out of their control; rather, they seek solutions and creative ways of overcoming obstacles.

      10. Happy people live in the present.

      While unhappy people tend to dwell on the past and worry about the future, happy people live in the moment. They are grateful for “the now” and focus their efforts on living life to the fullest in the present. Their philosophy is:

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      There’s a reason it’s called “the present.” Because life is a gift.

      So if you’d like to bring a little more happiness into your life, think about the 10 principles above and how you can use them to make yourself better.

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