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8 Things To Remember Before Moving On To The Next Relationship

8 Things To Remember Before Moving On To The Next Relationship

Are you feeling loss, despair, and sheer pain after a break up? The wounds are open and still hurt a lot. Obviously these will all have to be worked through and dealt with so that you can heal and move on. Remember that you have never loved in vain.

“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart”
-Washington Irving

Here are 8 things to remember to help you move on. Make sure you have all these checked off before you start getting involved again.

1. Stop thinking about what went wrong.

You know the drill. You start to go over again and again what you should have said to him/her. Then there is the whole litany of what you should have done, how you should have reacted and what you should have protested about or changed or …. The lying, cheating, dishonesty and sheer bloody-mindedness still shock you. The softer, romantic, and nostalgic moments of the shared dreams and plans haunt you too.

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The best solution is to accept that it has happened and that you are not a lesser or weaker person. Reflect on what mistakes you perhaps made because, let’s be honest, we can always learn from them. Convince yourself that after closure, you will be stronger, better, and just as attractive, if not more so, than before.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us”
-Alexander Graham Bell

2. Promise not to stalk your ex.

Let us hope this is reciprocal! But there is a much milder form of cyber stalking which has you sneaking around your ex’s Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. You are always there, lurking and watching. It’s toxic, so stop it!

3. Spoil yourself.

This is the best time to start spoiling yourself and do all the things that you held back from doing because you did not want to appear too selfish. Now is the time to splurge on a new car, gym membership, new sports or hobbies, holidays and having a great time. Try to seek out what stimulates you and makes you passionate because these are often brushed under the carpet in a deep and intense relationship.

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4. Take care of your health.

After a break up, you are normally physically weaker and stressed out. The whole situation has drained you mentally as well. This is the time to ease back, if you can, on work and family commitments. Time to put yourself first, get plenty of sleep, eat well and try to get some exercise.

Try to convince yourself that the stronger and healthier you are, the more attractive and fascinating you will become. Things can only get better.

5. Re-connect with friends and family.

Gravitate towards supportive friends and family who will be a tower of strength to you in this difficult transition period. Avoid any friends who are too curious and gossipy. They will want to know the ins and outs of the break up but this sort of post-mortem analysis really needs to be minimal. Sometimes it may help with closure to talk about it. But never let it become obsessive where you and your friend make nasty comments about your ex all the time.

Try to socialize as much as possible as loneliness and isolation are likely to generate too many negative thoughts, worries, fears and regrets. It may be a good idea for you to do charity work or get involved in a project you feel passionate about. It helps to heal wounds and opens up new opportunities for making friends. You are now beginning to move on.

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“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
-Albert Einstein

6. Change your routine.

There is always the risk that you may run into your ex and that is not really going to help, especially if you are still in the closure phase.

The best solution is to adjust your routine and also seek out new haunts. That might mean changing your bar, gym and tennis club but it is well worth the effort because they will spur you on to the new chapter in your life. As someone wisely said, “Frequent your possible future, not your past.”

 7. Don’t be too compromising.

When you get the chance to date someone that could be interesting, you need to make sure that you have certain things in order. First, you need to make sure that you are not carrying any heavy emotional baggage from your previous relationship. Second, you need to remind yourself about what you like and expect from a significant relationship. Keep this in the forefront of your mind as you get more and more involved. There is no way you are going to let your standards slip and you know which boundaries cannot be crossed. Been there, done that!

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“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.” – Anonymous

8. Start living again.

Look out for the healthy closure signs which mean that you can now really move on. You have to remember that you are stronger, not weaker after a break up. You are still committed to those values and priorities for a really significant relationship. Above all, you realize what skills and talent you possess to move on to the next relationship. Now is the time to start living again, in the real sense of the word.

“I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived”
-Margaret Mitchell (author of Gone With The Wind)

Featured photo credit: a disagreement in the water/Paul Aloe via flickr.com

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Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on August 12, 2019

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life.

Take a look at these 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become mentally stronger.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

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3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

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7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it.

However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

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10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive.

They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

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13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

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Featured photo credit: Candice Picard via unsplash.com

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