Advertising
Advertising

8 Things To Remember Before Moving On To The Next Relationship

8 Things To Remember Before Moving On To The Next Relationship

Are you feeling loss, despair, and sheer pain after a break up? The wounds are open and still hurt a lot. Obviously these will all have to be worked through and dealt with so that you can heal and move on. Remember that you have never loved in vain.

“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart”
-Washington Irving

Here are 8 things to remember to help you move on. Make sure you have all these checked off before you start getting involved again.

1. Stop thinking about what went wrong.

You know the drill. You start to go over again and again what you should have said to him/her. Then there is the whole litany of what you should have done, how you should have reacted and what you should have protested about or changed or …. The lying, cheating, dishonesty and sheer bloody-mindedness still shock you. The softer, romantic, and nostalgic moments of the shared dreams and plans haunt you too.

Advertising

The best solution is to accept that it has happened and that you are not a lesser or weaker person. Reflect on what mistakes you perhaps made because, let’s be honest, we can always learn from them. Convince yourself that after closure, you will be stronger, better, and just as attractive, if not more so, than before.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us”
-Alexander Graham Bell

2. Promise not to stalk your ex.

Let us hope this is reciprocal! But there is a much milder form of cyber stalking which has you sneaking around your ex’s Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. You are always there, lurking and watching. It’s toxic, so stop it!

3. Spoil yourself.

This is the best time to start spoiling yourself and do all the things that you held back from doing because you did not want to appear too selfish. Now is the time to splurge on a new car, gym membership, new sports or hobbies, holidays and having a great time. Try to seek out what stimulates you and makes you passionate because these are often brushed under the carpet in a deep and intense relationship.

Advertising

4. Take care of your health.

After a break up, you are normally physically weaker and stressed out. The whole situation has drained you mentally as well. This is the time to ease back, if you can, on work and family commitments. Time to put yourself first, get plenty of sleep, eat well and try to get some exercise.

Try to convince yourself that the stronger and healthier you are, the more attractive and fascinating you will become. Things can only get better.

5. Re-connect with friends and family.

Gravitate towards supportive friends and family who will be a tower of strength to you in this difficult transition period. Avoid any friends who are too curious and gossipy. They will want to know the ins and outs of the break up but this sort of post-mortem analysis really needs to be minimal. Sometimes it may help with closure to talk about it. But never let it become obsessive where you and your friend make nasty comments about your ex all the time.

Try to socialize as much as possible as loneliness and isolation are likely to generate too many negative thoughts, worries, fears and regrets. It may be a good idea for you to do charity work or get involved in a project you feel passionate about. It helps to heal wounds and opens up new opportunities for making friends. You are now beginning to move on.

Advertising

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
-Albert Einstein

6. Change your routine.

There is always the risk that you may run into your ex and that is not really going to help, especially if you are still in the closure phase.

The best solution is to adjust your routine and also seek out new haunts. That might mean changing your bar, gym and tennis club but it is well worth the effort because they will spur you on to the new chapter in your life. As someone wisely said, “Frequent your possible future, not your past.”

 7. Don’t be too compromising.

When you get the chance to date someone that could be interesting, you need to make sure that you have certain things in order. First, you need to make sure that you are not carrying any heavy emotional baggage from your previous relationship. Second, you need to remind yourself about what you like and expect from a significant relationship. Keep this in the forefront of your mind as you get more and more involved. There is no way you are going to let your standards slip and you know which boundaries cannot be crossed. Been there, done that!

Advertising

“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.” – Anonymous

8. Start living again.

Look out for the healthy closure signs which mean that you can now really move on. You have to remember that you are stronger, not weaker after a break up. You are still committed to those values and priorities for a really significant relationship. Above all, you realize what skills and talent you possess to move on to the next relationship. Now is the time to start living again, in the real sense of the word.

“I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived”
-Margaret Mitchell (author of Gone With The Wind)

Featured photo credit: a disagreement in the water/Paul Aloe via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

Work Smarter, Not Harder: 12 Smart Ways to Be More Productive What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It 10 Simple Morning Exercises That Will Make You Feel Great All Day 7 Things to Do in a Gossipy Work Environment 15 Signs Of Negative People

Trending in Communication

1 What Is Self Actualization? 13 Traits of a Self-Actualized Person 2 Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression 3 20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die 4 How to Deal with Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 5 10 Websites To Learn Something New In 30 Minutes A Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

Advertising

• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

Advertising

Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

Advertising

One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

Advertising

Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

Read Next