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8 Keys To Attracting Healthy Relationships

8 Keys To Attracting Healthy Relationships

We all have relationship problems. That’s a given. Unless you live a solitary life on top of a mountain, you will inevitably need to deal with people. But if you are experiencing relationship problems with many different people in your life, you might need to re-think the kind of people you are allowing into your life. Here are 8 keys to attracting healthy relationships:

1. Know who you are.

How self-aware are you? What kind of behavior do you have in relationships? It’s so easy to blame others for relationship problems, but take a look in the mirror. Are you perfect? Of course not! No one is. So be honest with yourself about what you bring to your relationships. Some is good, some is bad. But be realistic while looking at yourself. Once you are aware of who you are, you can work on your “shortcomings” and bring your best self to every relationship.

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2. Know what you want.

What everyone should want is to be treat with kindness and respect. However, there are many relationships where these qualities don’t even exist. If you’re looking for a romantic partner, write down the qualities of the person you want to attract. If you don’t know what you want, write down what you DON’T want. Then just flip that list around and write the opposite. For example, if you don’t want someone who doesn’t show affection, then you want someone who is affectionate. Even with friends, what kind of people do you want in your life? Do you want to be connected to them 24/7 or do you want your space? Do you want a party friend, or do you want a shy “let’s go for coffee once in a while” friend? Get clear on what you want.

3. Know you’re lovable and worthy.

One of the reasons that people find themselves in bad relationships is because they don’t think they deserve love and respect. If you have low self-esteem, you will literally put out a slow vibration that will attract other people with low self-esteem. And those people might not treat you very well. So you need to start loving yourself as much as possible. Know that you deserve happy, strong, loving, respectful relationships.

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4. Teach people how to treat you.

If someone is treating you badly and you don’t stop them, then they will keep doing it. You need to set your boundaries about what kind of behavior you allow into your life from others. Even if a friend you really like is constantly an hour late whenever you get together, you need to have a talk and tell them that their behavior has a negative effect on you. If they frustrate and exhaust you, don’t put up with it. You can explicitly or implicitly send a message to people about what kind of behavior you will and will not allow in your life.

5. Love your own company.

You need to love yourself enough that you prefer being alone than in a bad relationship. Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, if you feel drained by being with someone, then it’s probably better to be alone. Even if you are an extrovert, you have to realize that it’s okay to be alone. If you love yourself, you will find being with yourself is more enjoyable than being with people who you don’t treat you well.

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6. Be aware of how you feel in other people’s company.

Do you have a lot of “energy vampires” in your life? Many people do. An energy vampire is someone who is a taker. You give, and they do nothing but take. When you’re with them, you feel bad.  When you leave their presence, you still feel bad — almost like you want to shake off their negative energy. You feel like they suck the life out of you. If you know people like that, then why are you still hanging out with them? Decide right here and right now that you will only surround yourself with people who lift you higher, not drag you down.

7. See people for who they really are.

Sometimes we fool ourselves. We have our “rose-colored glasses” on way too often. We see the “outer” person, but not who they are on the inside. They may have been the funniest, nicest, coolest, most awesome person when you first met them, but maybe that’s just their facade and not their true selves. Look at their behaviors, not their words. Do they treat you kindly? If not, then there is more to them than meets the eye. Be on the lookout for inconsistencies in their personality.

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8. Don’t settle.

Many people think they have to settle or else they won’t have anyone in their lives. But when you settle – either in a romantic relationship or a friendship – you will undoubtedly end up disappointed. I’m not saying that any relationship is perfect, but you need to define your standards. Define them, enforce them, and live up to them! Don’t lower them for anyone.

Having healthy relationships starts with you. You need to decide that you won’t allow anything BUT healthy relationships. Even if your patterns in the past say otherwise, remember that you have the power to change that.

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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