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8 Depressing Things That Happen When You Don’t Talk About A Problem, And 3 Uplifting Things That Happen When You Do

8 Depressing Things That Happen When You Don’t Talk About A Problem, And 3 Uplifting Things That Happen When You Do

Recently, I was trying to ignore something that was on my mind and I was miserable. Something quite big. It was on my mind for a reason: because it was important to me. It’s extremely difficult, and painful, to ignore something that’s important to you. So why do we? Fear. We can pretend it’s not happening if we don’t talk about it. We can pretend that we’ll never have to deal with it. Sounds familiar?

This will happen if you don’t talk about it:

1. You can’t concentrate

The more you try to distract yourself, the worse it becomes. The only thing you can concentrate on is the one thing you don’t want to think about.

2. It stays on your mind

Because you know, deep down, that you want to and need to deal with it. Your unconscious mind knows, and it desperately wants the conscious mind to know. If you don’t listen, it’ll keep persisting.

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3. You feel crap

You’re dwelling on it. You’re not taking any action. You’re pretending you don’t know what to do, but you know exactly what to do and aren’t doing it. Is it a massive surprise that you feel crap?

4. You overthink

You analyse everything. Did she mean this, or that? What were they really trying to say? What if he said this, but actually meant this?

5. You overthink overthinking

How meta. You think about why you’re analysing everything. It’s like Inception, but for thinking. Fun, right? Nope.

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6. You torture yourself

You know exactly what to do but you don’t do it. This is, generally, a big cause of unhappiness. It’s like you’re teasing yourself. But not in the fun way.

7. You become stuck

You can’t move forward with your life because you don’t want to. All you really want to do is sort this damn problem out. Do yourself a favour and take some advice from Nike: just do it. What’s the best that could happen?

8. You let someone take your happiness away from you

This is something that I realised only after I’d written most of this article. If you’re problem is with a person, you’re giving them all the power. You allow them to take your happiness away from you. The craziest part of this? They probably have no idea, and they might not even care.

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But when you finally do talk about it, this will happen:

1. You feel like a weight has been lifted

It’s an incredible feeling. It’s a cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason. You really do feel lighter. It takes a lot of effort carrying something like that around, and to talk about it and therefore deal with it takes the burden away. Just try it.

2. You wonder why you ever waited

What was I waiting for? You realize that you could’ve saved yourself all this anger and frustration and sadness if you just got it over with. Ah. Next time, then…

3. Admitting something is never as bad as you thought it was going to be

Once it’s out there, it’s out there. You can’t take it back. You’ve said it and you’ve meant it. Rather than feeling trapped by your admission, you feel free. You think you’ll box yourself in, but you actually give yourself choice and inspiration and empowerment. It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it.

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If you’re still not sure that talking about it is the right thing, let me leave you with these questions:

  • What are you waiting for? (Be honest. If you say “nothing”, then you’re lying to yourself, because if that were true you would’ve done it already.)
  • What would happen if you just admitted it?
  • If you have had admitted it and have felt that massive weight lifted, what would you do then?

Featured photo credit: young girl and man playing with tin. outdoor shot via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on July 16, 2019

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.

When we make a decision to become positive, and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect.

Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.

Here are some ways to get rid of negativity and become more positive.

1. Become Grateful for Everything

When life is all about us, it’s easy to believe that we deserve what we have. An attitude of entitlement puts us at the center of the universe and sets up the unrealistic expectation that others should cater to us, our needs, and our wants. This vain state of existence is a surefire way to set yourself up for an unfulfilled life of negativity.

People living in this sort of entitlement are “energy suckers”–they are always searching for what they can get out of a situation. People that don’t appreciate the nuances of their lives live in a constant state of lacking. And it’s really difficult to live a positive life this way.

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When we begin to be grateful and appreciate everything in our lives–from the small struggles that make us better, to the car that gets us from A to B every day–we shift our attitude from one of selfishness, to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships.

We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for, because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving, instead of taking. This will make your life more fulfilling, and more positive.

2. Laugh More, Especially at Yourself

Life gets busy, our schedules fill up, we get into relationships, and work can feel task oriented and routine-driven at times. Being human can feel more like being a robot. But having this work-driven, serious attitude often results in negative and performance oriented thinking.

Becoming positive means taking life less seriously and letting yourself off the hook. This is the only life that you get to live, why not lighten up your mood?

Laughter helps us become positive by lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Are you sensitive to light sarcasm? Do you have trouble laughing at jokes? Usually, people who are stressed out and overly serious get most offended by sarcasm because their life is all work and no play.

If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy. And finding happiness means finding positivity.

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3. Help Others

Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to a long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one.

Positivity accompanies purpose. The most basic way to create purpose and positivity in your life is to begin doing things for others. Start small; open the door for the person in front of you at Starbucks or ask someone how their day was before telling them about yours.

Helping others will give you an intangible sense of value that will translate into positivity. And people might just appreciate you in the process.

4. Change Your Thinking

We can either be our best coach or our best enemy. Change starts from within. If you want to become more positive, change the wording of your thoughts. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative self talk is corrosive to a positive life.

The next time you have a negative thought, write it down and rephrase it with a positive spin. For example, change a thought like, “I can’t believe I did so horribly on the test–I suck.” to “I didn’t do as well as I hoped to on this test. But I know I’m capable and I’ll do better next time.”

Changing our self-talk is powerful.

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5. Surround Yourself with Positive People

We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior.

As you become more positive, you’ll find that your existing friends will either appreciate the new you or they will become resistant to your positive changes. This is a natural response.

Change is scary; but cutting out the negative people in your life is a huge step to becoming more positive. Positive people reflect and bounce their perspectives onto one another. Positivity is a step-by-step process when you do it solo, but a positive group of friends can be an escalator.

6. Get into Action

Negative thoughts can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Negativity is usually accompanied by a “freak-out” response, especially when tied to relationships, people and to worrying about the future. This is debilitating to becoming positive and usually snowballs into more worry, more stress and more freak-outs.

Turn the negative stress into positive action. The next time you’re in one of these situations, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and pad of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem.

Taking yourself out of the emotionally charged negative by moving into the action-oriented positive will help you solve more problems rationally and live in positivity

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7. Take Full Responsibility, Stop Being the Victim

You are responsible for your thoughts.

People that consistently believe that things happen to them handicap themselves to a victim mentality. This is a subtle and deceptive negative thought pattern. Phrases like “I have to work” or “I can’t believe he did that to me” are indicators of a victim mentality. Blaming circumstances and blaming others only handicaps our decision to change something negative into something positive.

Taking full responsibility for your life, your thoughts and your actions is one of the biggest steps in creating a more positive life. We have unlimited potential within to create our own reality, change our life, and change our thoughts. When we begin to really internalize this, we discover that no one can make us feel or do anything. We choose our emotional and behavioral response to people and circumstances.

Make positive choices in favor of yourself.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny” ― Lao Tzu

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Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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