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8 Depressing Things That Happen When You Don’t Talk About A Problem, And 3 Uplifting Things That Happen When You Do

8 Depressing Things That Happen When You Don’t Talk About A Problem, And 3 Uplifting Things That Happen When You Do

Recently, I was trying to ignore something that was on my mind and I was miserable. Something quite big. It was on my mind for a reason: because it was important to me. It’s extremely difficult, and painful, to ignore something that’s important to you. So why do we? Fear. We can pretend it’s not happening if we don’t talk about it. We can pretend that we’ll never have to deal with it. Sounds familiar?

This will happen if you don’t talk about it:

1. You can’t concentrate

The more you try to distract yourself, the worse it becomes. The only thing you can concentrate on is the one thing you don’t want to think about.

2. It stays on your mind

Because you know, deep down, that you want to and need to deal with it. Your unconscious mind knows, and it desperately wants the conscious mind to know. If you don’t listen, it’ll keep persisting.

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3. You feel crap

You’re dwelling on it. You’re not taking any action. You’re pretending you don’t know what to do, but you know exactly what to do and aren’t doing it. Is it a massive surprise that you feel crap?

4. You overthink

You analyse everything. Did she mean this, or that? What were they really trying to say? What if he said this, but actually meant this?

5. You overthink overthinking

How meta. You think about why you’re analysing everything. It’s like Inception, but for thinking. Fun, right? Nope.

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6. You torture yourself

You know exactly what to do but you don’t do it. This is, generally, a big cause of unhappiness. It’s like you’re teasing yourself. But not in the fun way.

7. You become stuck

You can’t move forward with your life because you don’t want to. All you really want to do is sort this damn problem out. Do yourself a favour and take some advice from Nike: just do it. What’s the best that could happen?

8. You let someone take your happiness away from you

This is something that I realised only after I’d written most of this article. If you’re problem is with a person, you’re giving them all the power. You allow them to take your happiness away from you. The craziest part of this? They probably have no idea, and they might not even care.

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But when you finally do talk about it, this will happen:

1. You feel like a weight has been lifted

It’s an incredible feeling. It’s a cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason. You really do feel lighter. It takes a lot of effort carrying something like that around, and to talk about it and therefore deal with it takes the burden away. Just try it.

2. You wonder why you ever waited

What was I waiting for? You realize that you could’ve saved yourself all this anger and frustration and sadness if you just got it over with. Ah. Next time, then…

3. Admitting something is never as bad as you thought it was going to be

Once it’s out there, it’s out there. You can’t take it back. You’ve said it and you’ve meant it. Rather than feeling trapped by your admission, you feel free. You think you’ll box yourself in, but you actually give yourself choice and inspiration and empowerment. It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it.

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If you’re still not sure that talking about it is the right thing, let me leave you with these questions:

  • What are you waiting for? (Be honest. If you say “nothing”, then you’re lying to yourself, because if that were true you would’ve done it already.)
  • What would happen if you just admitted it?
  • If you have had admitted it and have felt that massive weight lifted, what would you do then?

Featured photo credit: young girl and man playing with tin. outdoor shot via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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