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7 Lies You Keep Telling Yourself That Hold You Back From Growing

7 Lies You Keep Telling Yourself That Hold You Back From Growing

Personal growth comes in many shapes and forms. It involves becoming a better person, a better leader or perhaps just reaching a long term goal. The fact is that only when we grow as individuals, can we experience a sense of self fulfillment. However, many people miss out on personal growth not because they are at some sort of disadvantage, but rather, because they keep lying to themselves.

Here are 7 lies that you keep telling yourself that may be holding you back from your own personal development.

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1. It’s impossible.

Stop telling yourself that you can’t do it or that it’s impossible. You reap what you sow, and if you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what you are getting. Why are you saying no to yourself before anybody else is? These things matter. It matters that you want more than what the rest of the world is settling for and where there is a will, there is a way.

2. Failure is not an option.

Thomas A. Edison once said “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”  The only failure that exists is that which you do not learn from. And even if you do fail, stop belittling your efforts. When you qualify anything you do as a “failure,” or “not good enough” you are keeping yourself from gaining experience before even starting to grow. Even if you fail nine times out of ten, it’s OK. It just means you have to work ten times as hard.

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3. I’m at a disadvantage.

You don’t have a lot of money to invest in that new business, you are an artist who cannot afford lessons, or maybe you’ve just made big mistakes in the past. Think of all the inspirational people out there who’ve done impossible things: Beethoven was deaf, Joan of Arc was an illiterate peasant, Oprah Winfrey was raised by a single mother who worked as a maid. Normal people achieve the impossible everyday, so what are you waiting for?

4. I just don’t have the time.

Out of all lies, this is probably one of the biggest. It is true people have obligations, or maybe you don’t want to appear selfish by taking time away from your loved ones to focus on you. But just think, if you don’t grow, what will you have to share? If you don’t make time for success, what’s going to happen when you run out of time to make things happen? Prioritize, reorganize, and learn to use your free time wisely. If you don’t have the time, it’s because you haven’t made the time.

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5. I’ll get to it later.

No you won’t. If you don’t do it today, chances are you will not do it tomorrow. The more you put something off, the easier it will be to procrastinate, and you know it. Avoid this, and don’t leave for tomorrow what you know you can do today.

6. This person just got lucky.

It is true that success comes with a small amount of luck. However, before getting lucky, you have to work hard. Sitting there and waiting to grow into a better you doesn’t happen out of a strike of luck. Anyone who is successful failed, tried again, kept trying and didn’t give up until they found the right answer, business pitch, idea, etc. Think of it as buying tickets to a lottery: the more tickets you buy, the more likely you are to win. But how are you supposed to win if you don’t play?

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7.  It’s not worth the risk.

Yes it is. Later in life you are more likely to regret not doing all that you could have. Furthermore, no matter what you do, life is full of risks. Even the safest of choices can go wrong, just like the riskiest ones can go right. It’s better to go through life thinking “wow, I actually did that,” than “wow, I wish I’d done that when I had the chance.” The more you risk, the more you earn, and even if you fail, just take it as a lesson learned and move on. Take risks and don’t let fear keep you from reaching your full potential.

The mind is a magician and the projection you have of yourself is extremely important. If you wholeheartedly believe you can’t achieve something, chances are you will not. Stop lying to yourself, find happiness!

Stop telling yourself these seven lies that hold you back from growing.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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Joel Goldstein

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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