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7 Beliefs of Happy People

7 Beliefs of Happy People

The way a person thinks matters. A person’s beliefs about himself, other people, and the world can critically influence his level of happiness.
These beliefs are what allow some people to remain calm and content,  even during those inevitable occasions when life serves up some pretty miserable circumstances. Alternatively, these beliefs also have the power to make a person feel as if his world is crumbling around him if a stranger says something nasty or he gets a parking ticket.

An overall happy person sometimes feels frustration, pain, and discomfort, but he is able to shrug his shoulders and move on without getting caught in the trap of suffering.

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These are common beliefs of overall happy people: 

1. There are no “shoulds.” 

Happy people  believe that when it comes to situations and behaviors, there are no automatic “shoulds.”  They genuinely accept, “No, it isn’t true that the police officer should have let me off with a warning, my neighbor should keep his dog quiet or I should get new shoes.  And it’s definitely not a fact that I should not have gotten in that car accident, that I should always be kind, that I should have gone to law school…”

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Happy people don’t invest energy dwelling on or fighting what “should” or “should not” have happened. They also think for themselves about whether doing something makes sense instead of relying on “shoulds” to guide their own behaviors and choices.

2. Everything is a shade of gray (and that’s okay). 

Happy people accept (and can tolerate the uncertainty that comes with admitting) that the world is not “black or white”, “all good or all bad.” They can face the facts that they have some strengths and some limitations without shuddering; They accept that a person can be rude or show poor judgment in an instance and still not be completely selfish all the time. They truly know that just because something awful happens, their life is not all bad.

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3. All relevant things are based on facts (not judgments or assumptions).

Happy people see themselves, others, and the world realistically, meaning they stick to the facts when they acknowledge the bad things and the good things.  They don’t think to themselves, “I am such an idiot” when they forget to turn off the oven; They simply think, “I forgot to turn off the oven.”  They don’t think to themselves, “Now my kid will never graduate college” when she struggles with reading in first grade; They simply think, “It takes more time and intervention for her to practice phonics right now.”

4. It’s not all about me, and that’s okay. 

Content people believe: “I am not the best or the most handsome or the smartest or the most successful human being on the planet, and that’s okay; Not everyone likes me, and that’s okay; Often times people are focused on their own thoughts and perspectives more than they are focused on me, and that’s okay.

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5. It is okay to accept that things are what they are (or were what they were), even when it’s painful. 

People who are generally happy accept that people are sometimes irrational and hurtful, that obstacles and tragedies have occurred and there is no way to undo them, and  that they will go through periods of pain and hardship in the future. They believe that it is okay to experience and ride-out that pain without fighting it, numbing it, or drowning it.

6.  Even though I must surrender to some painful things, I am not completely powerless.

Happy people look at the world and situations with a sense of personal-accountability and control.  They know that they are in charge of making their lives what they want it to be and being the person they want to be.  And they feel capable of doing just that. A happy person bravely focuses on his own role in any problems (even if it is small), so that he is able to make positive changes.   As for the happy person that forgot to turn off the oven in #3?  He simply takes personal responsibility for making sure to set a timer next time he bakes.

7. This moment is worth enjoying.

Happy people aren’t telling themselves,  “as soon as I get a better job, I’ll be happy,” or “When I find a boyfriend, I’ll be happy.” They truly believe that the small joys of everyday life are worth noticing and experiencing with enjoyment.

Featured photo credit: TheresaOtero via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on October 13, 2020

12 Things High Self-Esteem People Don’t Do

12 Things High Self-Esteem People Don’t Do

Having high self-esteem is important if you are aiming for personal or professional success. Interestingly, most people will high levels of self-esteem act in similar ways. That’s why it’s often easy to pick them out in a crowd. There’s something about the way they hold themselves and speak, isn’t there?

We all have different hopes, dreams, experiences, and paths, but confidence has its own universal language. This list will present some of the things you won’t find yourself doing if you have high self-esteem.

1. Compare Yourself to Others

People with low self-esteem are constantly comparing their situation to others. On the other hand, people with higher self-esteem show empathy and compassion while also protecting their own sanity. They know how much they can handle and when they can offer a helping hand.

In the age of social media, however, social comparisons are nearly ubiquitous. One study found that “participants who used Facebook most often had poorer trait self-esteem, and this was mediated by greater exposure to upward social comparisons on social media”[1]. Basically, you will feel worse about yourself if you are constantly getting glimpses into lives that you consider to be better than yours.

Try to limit your time on social media. Also, when you do start scrolling, keep in mind that each profile is carefully crafted to create the appearance of a perfect life. Check yourself when you find yourself wishing for greener grass.

2. Be Mean-Spirited

People with low self-esteem bully others. They take pleasure in putting other people down. People with positive self-esteem see no need to down other people, choosing instead to encourage and celebrate successes.

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If you find that you feel the need to put others down, analyze where that’s coming from. If they’ve had success in life, help them feel good about that achievement. They may do the same for you one day.

3. Let Imperfection Ruin Your Day

Perfectionism isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but obsessing over making everything perfect is a sign that you have low self-esteem and can lead to never-ending negative thoughts. This can turn into an inability to solve problems creatively, which will only make self-esteem issues worse. 

Those with high self-esteem disconnect from the results and do their best without expecting perfection.

People with that kind of confidence understand that messing up is a part of life and that each time they aim and miss success, they’ll at least learn something along the way.

If you miss the mark, or if your plan doesn’t work out exactly as you would have liked, take a deep breath and see if you can pivot in order to do better next time.

4. Dwell on Failure

It’s common to hear people dwelling on all the ways things will go wrong. They are positive that their every failure signals an impossible task or an innate inability to do something. People with healthy self-esteem discover why they failed and try again.

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People with higher levels of confidence also tend to adopt a growth mindset[2]. This type of thinking supports the idea that most of your abilities can be improved and altered, as opposed to being fixed.

For example, instead of saying, “I’m just not good at math; that’s why I did bad on the test,” someone with a growth mindset would say, “Math is difficult for me, so I’ll have to put in some more practice to improve next time.”

Next time you experience a failure, check out this video to help you believe in yourself again:

5. Devalue Your Self-Esteem

People with high self-esteem value their own perception of themselves – they understand that they come first and don’t feel guilty about taking care of themselves. They believe charity starts within, and if they don’t believe that, they’ll never have a healthy self-image.

Self-care is often top of the priority list for people with self-esteem. For some ways to practice self-care, check out this article.

6. Try to Please Others

They can’t please all the people all the time, so confident people first focus on doing what will make them feel fulfilled and happy. While they will politely listen to others’ thoughts and advice, they know that their goals and dreams have to be completed on their own terms.

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7. Close Yourself off

Confident people have the ability to be vulnerable. It’s those with poor self-esteem that hide all the best parts of themselves behind an emotional wall. Instead of keeping the real you a secret, be open and honest in all your dealings.

As Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, points out, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen”[3]. When you embrace each facet of who you are and allow others to see them as well, it will create deeper, more meaningful connections in your life. When that happens, you’ll realize that perfection doesn’t lead to people liking you more.

You can learn more about the power of vulnerability in this TED talk with Brené Brown:

8. Follow and Avoiding Leading

People with low self-esteem don’t believe they can lead, so they end up following others, sometimes into unhealthy situations. Rather than seeking a sense of belonging, people with high self-esteem walk their own paths and create social circles that build them up.

9. Fish for Compliments

If you’re constantly seeking compliments, you’re not confident. People with high self-esteem always do their best (and go out of their way to do good deeds) because it’s what they want to do, not because they’re seeking recognition. If you need to hear compliments, say them to yourself in the mirror.

You can even try some positive affirmations if you need a confidence boost. Check out these affirmations to get started.

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10. Be Lazy

People work harder when they have high self-esteem because they’re not bogged down by doubts and complaints. Those with low self-esteem end up procrastinating and wasting their energy thinking about all the work they have to do rather than rolling up their sleeves and just getting it done.

This may also bounce off perfectionism. Perfectionists often feel intimidated by certain projects if they fear that they won’t be able to complete them perfectly. Tap into your confidence and simply do your best without worrying about a perfect outcome.

11. Shy Away from Risks

When you trust yourself, you’ll be willing to participate more in life. People with low self-esteem are always on the sidelines, waiting for the perfect moment to jump in. Instead of letting life pass you by, have confidence in your success and take the risks necessary to succeed.

12. Gossip

People with low self-esteem are always in other peoples’ business – they’re more interested in what everyone else is doing than themselves. People with high self-esteem are more interested in their own life and stay out of others’ affairs.

Instead of participating in idle gossip, talk about some positive news you heard recently, or that fascinating book you just finished. There’s plenty to talk about beyond what this or that person did wrong in their life.

The Bottom Line

Self-esteem is to success in life. People who maintain a healthy level of self-esteem believe in themselves and push themselves to succeed, while those with low confidence feel a sense of entitlement.

If you need a boost in your self-image and mental health, avoid negative self-talk and the other mistakes of people with low self-esteem. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.

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Featured photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Psychology of Popular Media Culture: Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem
[2] Brain Pickings: Fixed vs. Growth: The Two Basic Mindsets That Shape Our Lives
[3] Forbes: Brene Brown: How Vulnerability Can Make Our Lives Better

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