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6 Ways You Are Pushing People Away, Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

6 Ways You Are Pushing People Away, Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

Sometimes, we push people away without even realizing it. Other times, we do it consciously, but then regret it later on. While the ways in which you push people away may differ from person to person, there are some less-than-ideal behaviors that are sure to lead to some distances. Here are some of the ways in which many of us push people away:

1. Having low self-esteem.

Constantly feeling bad about yourself eventually leads to others viewing you in the same light. As mentioned above, if you feel that seeing a professional would be beneficial, you should absolutely look into that. If you don’t feel that you need to do this, consider thinking long and hard about your problems and try to make a change. Your friends love you for many reasons, so don’t give them a reason to forget about those things and focus on the negatives. Even though having low self-esteem can feel like a very personal matter that shouldn’t affect your relationship with others, it absolutely does.

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2. Not talking.

If you’re hanging out with a group of friends and you’re sitting in a corner not speaking to anyone, you give off a vibe that people should leave you alone. While it can be hard to realize, this definitely pushes people away. Don’t rely on others’ pity or charity. Get up and talk to people! It’s much more rewarding, and will certainly do the opposite of pushing people away. If anything, it will bring you closer together with your friends!

3. Not listening.

If your friend comes to you with a problem, try to listen and help him or her out. It pushes people away when they think they can’t come to you for advice or support, so try to listen and be engaged when speaking to others. This is a simple thing to fix, and doing so will make your relationships much stronger and more rewarding for everyone involved. After all, if you listen, others will listen to you. You’re being a good friend, and down the line when you need advice, your friends will be there to support you.

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4. Making everything about you.

Life isn’t fair, and things don’t always go your way. But when you act like every little thing is about you, it makes people want to spend less time with you. Try to look at things from others’ perspectives and to remove yourself from the situation. Chances are, people aren’t actually talking about you negatively as much as you think they are.

5. Complaining too much.

Every now and then, a good venting session can be great. However, if you’re constantly whining about something, it can really push people away. After all, they have their own problems to deal with. If you feel like you really need someone there for you, consider consulting a professional to get the help that you need. Otherwise, don’t burden your friends with too many of your problems. It’s tempting to complain, and it can feel good to do so, but in the long run it will only make you miserable and your friends even more miserable. The only thing worse than having things to constantly complain about is listening to these constant complaints.

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6. Acting accusatory.

If you’re accusing someone of doing something, and you do that often, it’s going to alienate that person. No one wants to feel as if they’re being accused of anything, so try not to do so. If you feel that you need to confront someone about something, try rephrasing your words. For example, instead of saying, “You never clean the kitchen,” say, “I feel like I’m usually the one cleaning the kitchen. Could you help me next time?” The second version says the same thing, but is much less accusatory.

Featured photo credit: Andree Ludtke via flickr.com

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Maggie Heath

Maggie is a passionate writer who blogs about communication and lifestyle on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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