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6 Ways You Are Pushing People Away, Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

6 Ways You Are Pushing People Away, Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

Sometimes, we push people away without even realizing it. Other times, we do it consciously, but then regret it later on. While the ways in which you push people away may differ from person to person, there are some less-than-ideal behaviors that are sure to lead to some distances. Here are some of the ways in which many of us push people away:

1. Having low self-esteem.

Constantly feeling bad about yourself eventually leads to others viewing you in the same light. As mentioned above, if you feel that seeing a professional would be beneficial, you should absolutely look into that. If you don’t feel that you need to do this, consider thinking long and hard about your problems and try to make a change. Your friends love you for many reasons, so don’t give them a reason to forget about those things and focus on the negatives. Even though having low self-esteem can feel like a very personal matter that shouldn’t affect your relationship with others, it absolutely does.

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2. Not talking.

If you’re hanging out with a group of friends and you’re sitting in a corner not speaking to anyone, you give off a vibe that people should leave you alone. While it can be hard to realize, this definitely pushes people away. Don’t rely on others’ pity or charity. Get up and talk to people! It’s much more rewarding, and will certainly do the opposite of pushing people away. If anything, it will bring you closer together with your friends!

3. Not listening.

If your friend comes to you with a problem, try to listen and help him or her out. It pushes people away when they think they can’t come to you for advice or support, so try to listen and be engaged when speaking to others. This is a simple thing to fix, and doing so will make your relationships much stronger and more rewarding for everyone involved. After all, if you listen, others will listen to you. You’re being a good friend, and down the line when you need advice, your friends will be there to support you.

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4. Making everything about you.

Life isn’t fair, and things don’t always go your way. But when you act like every little thing is about you, it makes people want to spend less time with you. Try to look at things from others’ perspectives and to remove yourself from the situation. Chances are, people aren’t actually talking about you negatively as much as you think they are.

5. Complaining too much.

Every now and then, a good venting session can be great. However, if you’re constantly whining about something, it can really push people away. After all, they have their own problems to deal with. If you feel like you really need someone there for you, consider consulting a professional to get the help that you need. Otherwise, don’t burden your friends with too many of your problems. It’s tempting to complain, and it can feel good to do so, but in the long run it will only make you miserable and your friends even more miserable. The only thing worse than having things to constantly complain about is listening to these constant complaints.

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6. Acting accusatory.

If you’re accusing someone of doing something, and you do that often, it’s going to alienate that person. No one wants to feel as if they’re being accused of anything, so try not to do so. If you feel that you need to confront someone about something, try rephrasing your words. For example, instead of saying, “You never clean the kitchen,” say, “I feel like I’m usually the one cleaning the kitchen. Could you help me next time?” The second version says the same thing, but is much less accusatory.

Featured photo credit: Andree Ludtke via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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