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Last Updated on November 26, 2020

6 Reasons Why You’re Not Doing What Actually Makes You Happy

6 Reasons Why You’re Not Doing What Actually Makes You Happy

There are many things in life that make you happy, and there are many things that have the opposite effect. If you’re careful to focus on what makes you happy and decide to go out there and do it, then your quality of life can improve dramatically.

This article will list some of the reasons why people don’t do the things that make them happy as well as challenge you at the end.

1) You Think Just One Thing Will Make You Happy

Many people seem to think that doing what makes you happy means finding this one elusive “thing” that will forever make them happy. The truth is that life is about balance; many things will make you happy. My personal list includes 12 activities that I love to do, and they all make me happy.

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Happiness is simply an emotion that you feel which can last a few seconds or a few hours. The key is to have lots of things that make you happy and make the most of them as they surface throughout the day. These can be as subtle as receiving a smile from a loved one or getting thanked at work. They don’t have to be activities you dedicate hours to each day.

2) You’ve Been Taught To Be Happy All The Time

No one on this earth feels happy all the time. Life is full of ups and downs and it’s healthy to experience a range of emotions while attempting to have more positive experiences in your life.

Dancing usually makes me happy; however, I also struggle with the motivation to improve, and this isn’t always fun. I can feel frustrated as I learn and grow, wanting instant results but knowing that this isn’t the way the world works. What you really want is activities that makes you happy most of the time or you’ll never learn and grow.

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3) You’re Afraid Of What Others Will Think

It’s surprising but most people don’t think about you half as much as you believe they do. They’re too worried wondering what you think about them.

It’s your life and you get to choose what makes you happy–no one else. Aside from breaking the law or other dodgy behavior, you must decide to do what makes you happy no matter what others think. And generally, when you do the things that make you happy you’ll find out you were more afraid of your imagination than their true reaction anyway.

4) You Don’t Know If You Can Do It

Trying something new is always going to push your comfort zone. There is a time when everyone starts to learn something new and they suck at it. Every great, good or mediocre musician, actor, dancer, business person and sports star has failed along the way of their journey.

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Feeling happy is not about the success of reaching a goal. Feeling happy is about the journey you take. It doesn’t matter whether or not you become the best in the world; it matters whether you enjoy the process (or at least most of it).

5) You Don’t Think You Have The Time

Being busy is perhaps the biggest excuse for not doing things that make you happy. But if you spend your life focusing on the things you think you have to do rather than the things you want to do, well, that’s a little backwards.

When you make the things you love doing a priority, then they get done. If you want to do a yoga class during your lunch hour but never seem to make it away from your desk, it’s time to evaluate your priorities. Where else in your life do you put everyone else ahead of what you truly want as well?

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6) You Think You’re Going To Live Forever

Life is short and you wake up each morning with a decision. Either you’re going to do things that make you happy or you’re going to scrape through another day in survival mode. Once you start doing more things that make you happy, your life will get a whole lot brighter.

Stop putting off your dreams for a day that will probably never come. As Steve Jobs said:

“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

It’s Time To Do What Makes You Happy

No one else is going to create your life for you. You can decide whether to fill your life with things that make you happy or constantly put them off for another day. In Steve Jobs case, it’s lucky that he lived his life to the hilt, as it was cut short far too early. This can happen to anyone.

What’s one thing that you could do today that would make you happy? It doesn’t have to be huge, but it has to be something. Even if it takes just a few minutes, you’ve started to build a happiness habit that will last a lifetime.

More by this author

Craig Dewe

Craig founded Lifestyle Outlaws, with the belief that everyone should have the time, money and health to do what they want with life.

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Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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