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5 Things You Do That Are Seriously Affecting Your Relationships

5 Things You Do That Are Seriously Affecting Your Relationships

We all know that relationships are hard work, but they don’t have to be. Here are some much needed solutions to the things you are doing that seriously affect your relationships.

You are clingy.

Sorry to say it, but this is the number one thing that is affecting your relationships. We all know what it’s like to have someone cling to everything you do. At first it can be considered cute. The other person might think you really like them and really enjoy spending time with them. BUT eventually it gets to be too much. Being clingy can lead to the exact opposite of what you are going for. It can end up pushing the other person away.

So what is an example of being clingy? Trust me there are many, but lets stick with the most common. For one, you text or call your significant other more than an acceptable amount of times in one hour. It’s totally fine to see how someone is doing throughout the day. However, you don’t want to do this by sending 15 text messages in one hour asking the same questions. It’s okay to go a few hours without constant communication. You don’t want to be an anoyance to your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you definitely don’t want to seem demanding of all their time. Another good example of being clingy is pressuring someone to say they love you, and you haven’t been together very long. Although you might feel that way, don’t force it on them.

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What’s the solution, then, to being clingy? Give them space. You don’t need to change who you are to be less clingy. Let them text or call you sometimes. Every relationship has a natural flow, and you should let yours have one too. Realize that space doesn’t mean the other person doesn’t care about you as much as you care about them. Take the time you would be focusing on them to focus on yourself. This will create a much healthier relationship, and help you get rid of the label clingy.

You are jealous/overprotective.

At times this can be just as bad as being clingy. Being a jealous person in a relationship can really put a strain on things. Sometimes being jealous is just a reaction, and you can’t always help it. Say your significant other is getting hit on right in front of you; this may cause jealousy no matter what you do. However, you don’t need to get worked up about it and cause a scene. Take it as a compliment. That’s your man/woman, and if you are in a trusting committed relationship they should react accordingly. An example of being jealous/overprotective is when you get mad at your bf/gf for having a night out with their friends (without you). You get jealous and tell them they can’t go, or you invite yourself, or even just show up. First of all this is not a good look for you. Now the friends will have an impression of you being a jealous person as well.

What is a solution to being jealous/overprotective? Take a breath before you react. You might be a jealous person, but if you want this to stop affecting your relationships then you need to think before you speak. Ask yourself some questions: Do you trust them? If not, then you really shouldn’t be with them anyways. Is it really as serious as I am making it? If not, don’t cause an argument that doesn’t need to happen.

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You need constant reassurance of love and affection.

It’s normal to want to know how your significant other feels about you. However, constantly asking them is not the way to go about it. If this is you, then you probably ask multiple times how they feel about you. Do you love me? How much do you love me? Are you sure? The list goes on. You also likely need to have constant affection from them (kisses, holding hands, ect.). This can become overbearing for the other person, and will likely lead to the demise of your relationship.

What is the solution to needing constant reassurance? This might take some time, because there is likely an unresolved issue within yourself. No matter what the issue is, take some time and figure out who you truly are. Once you figure out who you are, what makes you tick, what your greatest assets are, ect. then you can have a serious relationship again. When you know your self worth, you won’t need constant reassurance of how your bf/gf feels about you.

You give the impression you only care about sex.

Ah, here it is, the thing that is affecting you from having a real relationship. We all know that sex is an important part of any committed relationship. However, if you give off the impression that sex is all you care about–you probably wont last long.. in the relationship. If this is you, you might even be known as a “friend with benefits,” but you never get further than that. No real feeling develop because you don’t allow them to.

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What’s the solution to this problem affecting your relationships? It’s simple – open up to someone without making everything about sex. You will be amazed to find out how much better sex is when there are feelings attached. So, open up to the possibility that there is more to a relationship than sex.

You are terrified of being alone.

If this is you, you jump from one relationship to the next. You currently have a backup plan in case your current relationship doesn’t work out. This isn’t just related to a committed relationship, it is also true for your friendships. You are literally never alone. This starts to affect your relationships because you don’t have any time apart. It could also cause problems because you seem insecure, and that in itself is enough baggage to ruin a relationship.

What’s the solution to being terrified of being alone? It might sound crazy… but you should spend some time alone. It will be extremely scary at first, but it will be worth it in the end. You always hear people talking about how you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself first—this is so true! Time alone with yourself will help you begin to love yourself. Like I said before, figure yourself out first. A relationship won’t last if you rely on the other person to make you feel good all the time. Also, having time away from each other is good. It helps the relationship, and makes the other person realize how much they care about you when you’re gone.

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Featured photo credit: N/A via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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