Advertising

5 Things Only People With Anxiety Would Understand

5 Things Only People With Anxiety Would Understand
Advertising

Ah, anxiety. It’s a big (well, perhaps medium-sized) scary word that countless people are familiar with, either because they suffer from it themselves or know somebody who does. In the hustle and bustle of the modern age, it’s easy to forget that anxiety still plagues many of us. Indeed, some might even say that it doesn’t truly exist and that certain folks are just “acting” nervous or could easily snap out of their worries if only they listened to a short pep talk and ate an ice cream cone.

The bottom line is that most people don’t really understand anxiety. It isn’t something that can be turned on or off or be consciously controlled in an effective manner. To help you get a better sense of what exactly this malicious state of mind does to a person, here’s a short little list of some of the things that anxiety does to you, which I am familiar with since I suffer from it myself…

1. You worry (excessively) about your work.

This is a big one. All throughout school and continuing into college, I had an unfortunate tendency of not really believing in myself when it came to my assignments. In some sense this was a good thing, because it pushed me to better myself so as to avoid criticism. Still, I would have preferred going through life as most people do, rather than worrying every single moment whether what I’m doing is good enough or whether I’m up to the standards of whatever I’m involved in.

For those without anxiety, this might be a difficult concept to grasp. “Why worry about your work so much to the point that it becomes painful? And why don’t you believe in yourself when it’s clear that pretty much all of your schoolwork and actual work is fairly top notch? What’s the big deal?”

Advertising

Well, that’s just the thing. You’re totally accurate in your line of questioning, hypothetical person. We think our anxiety is just as preposterous as you do, except we can’t escape it. We know it doesn’t make sense, but we can’t shake it. Anxiety is like a thin layer of saran wrap encasing your brain, and when it tightens, flooding your thoughts with worry, all you can do is wait for it to loosen up on its own accord.

2. You experience the “turn-in dilemma.”

This one is similar to point #1, though it’s different enough that it deserved its own subheading. This is where I get to be frank with you: I experience anxiety when submitting the articles I write for this site. I like to call this the “turn-in dilemma” because my worries reach a peak when I send a completed article to be reviewed by my editors.

It’s a completely illogical worry, because I know I’ve done all I can to ensure that whatever I worked on was worthy of approval, and yet I still ruminate about it anyways. This extends beyond the work I do here of course, and includes essays I have to turn in, applications and e-mails I send, etc. There’s just something about giving a part of yourself over for someone else to judge that makes my anxiety flare up like Mount Vesuvius.

What can you normal folks do to help people like me? Well again, while words of encouragement help, time itself is the most effective salve. Over time, we anxiety-sufferers figure out our own coping mechanisms (usually unique to each person), and in the end these are more effective than anything most people could tell us.

Advertising

3. Thinking about the long-term future freaks you out.

I admit that my anxiety doesn’t extend to this particular department, though I do know people who worry constantly about the long-term future. This type of anxiety is nearly crushing in nature. You’ll look a year ahead and literally start to panic about every single thing you need to do to get you from where you are now to where you want to be then. Suddenly, everything you do in the present has more meaning, next year becomes tomorrow, and the stability of your fragile mind literally implodes, consumed by emotions ranging from panic to rage.

To be honest, I’m not sure how one can address someone experiencing this type of anxiety. Consoling them rarely works, and telling them that “things will just fall into place, you’ll see” tends to only make it worse. Give them their space and let them work out their own solution. At best, perhaps you can buy them some of their favorite food, or send them a link to a funny video. While you can’t force the anxiety out of them, you can at least try and make the process more bearable.

4. Thinking about the short-term future freaks you out.

This is the one that afflicts me, and it’s perhaps even more illogical than #3. While the person in #3 is worried about some of the more significant things they want to get done in life, people like me are more concerned about freaking out over smaller things happening in the present and near future. That means I worried about starting this article today, planning a run for tomorrow, finding time to read a book I enjoy, etc. For me, post-it notes are essential since they allow me to map out all of these nagging thoughts, and deal with them in bullet-point fashion.

Even a minor event, like having to help my mom out at her school, or having to drive to the market, can cause fear and trepidation to pierce my soul, leaving me momentarily stunned and frazzled by having to consider all the new potentialities inserted into my life.

Advertising

Yes, I know that these worries are completely ridiculous. Going back to the saran wrap analogy, however, it’s just not something you can fix with words or hugs or anything like that. When an anxiety attack strikes, there’s no point in rationalizing it, you have to deal with it head on, let it go through all of its paces, and shake it off yourself. Though you’ll never truly be rid of your worries, you can get better at dealing with them when they flare up.

5. You worry about pleasing others.

This is closely related to that whole concept of wanting everyone to like you. As you know, that’s pretty much impossible, because chances are if you can get persons A, B, and C to like you, you’ll enrage person D in some inexplicable way. When it comes to anxiety however, there’s no logic involved, and thus those who suffer from it will often try to do everything in their power to ensure that nobody dislikes them.

The monumental difficulty associated with this task is part of the reason why it induces anxiety attacks in me and others. Chances are, if somebody likes you for who you are, you wouldn’t have to bend to their will anyways. So, by trying to get everyone to enjoy your presence, you’re setting up a losing battle right from the start. This is a problem, particularly because the anxiety becomes about ten times worse when you finally run into somebody who couldn’t care less about you or your need to please them.

That’s when the worry really sets in. “Why don’t they like me? Is it something I said? Was it because I’m not good enough? Well I wouldn’t want to be friends with them either!” This continues until you convince yourself to literally hate whoever it is who showed you a perceived cold shoulder. That in itself isn’t healthy, but it’s unfortunately something that many anxiety sufferers deal with, including me. In some sense it’s almost like your anxiety forces you to find people who disapprove of you so that it can continue feeding you nefarious thoughts of self-doubt and depression.

Advertising

There’s really nothing normal folks can do to snap us out of this one either. Again, pretty much everyone suffering from anxiety knows that their mindset makes absolutely zero sense. They just can’t control it, and neither can you, no matter how good your intentions are.

Let’s not end on too depressing of a note though. While you may not be able to wrangle the anxiety out of somebody you know, you can still be there for them, and lend an understanding hand when necessary. When you approach us worriers with an open mind, acknowledging the fact that we can’t help ourselves, you’ll do that much better in helping us deal with our issues.

Featured photo credit: hide_face.jpg/ hotblack via mrg.bz

More by this author

20 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Coffee 5 Reasons Why Overusing Hand Sanitizer Isn’t Good For You 5 Life Lessons I Learned From Dean Winchester 10 Best Online Shopping Sites I Wish I Knew Earlier 10 Reasons Why Dogs Are Man’s Best Friend

Trending in Communication

1 I Want To Be Happy: 7 Science-Backed Ways to Find Happiness 2 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 3 10 Morning Habits Of Happy People 4 What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People 5 13 Simple Habits of Happiness To Change Your Outlook on Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
Advertising

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

Advertising

  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

Advertising

Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

Advertising

However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

Advertising

Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

Advertising

  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

Read Next