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30 lessons I’ve learned on reaching 30

30 lessons I’ve learned on reaching 30

I reached 30 and I would love to share what life has taught me till now. Hope you will get some insights.

1. Expectation leads to misery

Do not expect anything; just accept everything or else you will be the scapegoat of misery. Expectation-desperation-misery is a chain reaction that leads to predicaments.

2. Less is more

Minimalism is the new cult now. Give away, get rid of, throw away and do whatever you can to go minimal. It sets you free.

3. Legitimate suffering is part of life

You cannot escape suffering; conflict is perennial. If you are a part of the problem, then you are a part of the solution too. Just face the conflict and be ready to suffer legitimately.

4. Love eludes when you chase it

Love is like a butterfly, it’s hard to catch when you chase it. It slowly lands on your shoulder when you least expect it. Love yourself first in a way you can share that abundance. Butterflies are waiting.

5. Vulnerability fosters intimacy

To be flawed is to be human. Intimacy cannot be fostered by strength, the real connection happens only when we are courageous enough to share our deepest fears.

6. Write down N.U.T.s

Have some Non Negotiated – Unaltered Terms (N.U.T.s) in your life. Write them down and be disciplined enough to send clear signals to the people who wanted to invade your personal boundaries.

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7. Illusion of control is a mirage

Accept the fact that you cannot control everything. If you do so – you will be relieved from the enormous stress of controlling. Moreover, nobody likes a control freak.

8. We create our own reality

I used to blame situations initially, now I truly believe in the fact that we create our own reality. I think therefore I am. Invest in personal charisma to create the situations that favor you.

9. Excel in what people need

It is not enough to pursue the passion you love, it has to be in sync with people’s needs too or else you end up blaming the universe for digging you. Give what people need and find love in it – the universe works that way.

10. Do what you believe in even when no one else does

“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.” – Steve Jobs

Just believe and relentlessly work hard – you will find the treasure.

11. What you focus on is what you get

This was proven in my case. Focus on the positive and you tend to see the negative aspects in a lighter vein. Similarly, focus on the negative and you tend to see the positive aspects in a cynical way. What you focus on is what you get. It’s all in you.

12. Habits die-hard

The paradox of our brain is, it gets accustomed to any habit and can’t spot the difference between a bad habit and good habit. So beware of habits – they decide your destiny.

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13. Social networking is “SOCIAL NOT WORKING”

Social networking is an epidemic today. It is a great thing to a certain extent but not at the expense of our happiness. Find life outside the web, the universe is calling you.

14. Money is what you get in exchange for value

Of late, I used to think that money is the result of my excellence. Of course it is; but only when my excellence provides some value to the existence of mankind. Provide true value and you will never run out of money.

15. Exercise – Exercise – Exercise

Exercise not only burns calories, but also your insecurities. Pump up yourself and be amazed to see the new self with vigor and vitality. Trust me, you don’t give a damn for the people who once made you feel stupid.

16. A purpose driven life is fulfilling

Life without a purpose is like a ship searching for the harbor. You need to have a light house to guide you. The purpose in life is the light house to steer you towards a fulfilling and meaningful life.

17. Leading means living by an example

Leading is attractive but it is only short lived if you lead with power, money, fame etc. Just try leading by example – people will follow and surrender to you completely. History is the evidence.

18. Talent is different from skill

You might have a talent, but it is futile if you don’t practice. You need skill to hone your talent. Skill can only be achieved with diligent practice and dedication. Strive for the combo – you will be eternal.

19. There is a difference between “Goal Reaching” and “Goal Setting”

Reaching a goal is a discipline, setting a goal is a decision. If you just dream of the goal, nothing will happen unless you act with discipline upon the process of reaching your goal.

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20. Today matters

“If I could come to your house and spend just one day with you, I would be able to tell whether or not you will be successful.” – John C. Maxwell

Tomorrow is never bound to be better unless you have a strategy to make it better. Today.

21. Instead of To-Do lists, have Should-DO list

Multitasking is a menace today. To fight the demon, have Should-Do lists instead of To-Do lists. You end up doing things on-time that matter most rather than wasting time on the junk. Really think about what the most important things on you To-Do list are and which you should defintely do in order to move forward. Those are the ones that count.

22. Give to get

Give, not as a strategy but by habit – you will surely get what you deserve. I’ve disclosed the secret to you, now find out ways where you can give truly and receive accordingly. It works, I promise.

23. Our true reality is in our identity and unity with all life

Our existence is determined by our identity and unity with mankind. Whoever tries to curb or disturb the process of life, they simply perish. You can only get what is yours by giving the other person what is rightfully his or hers.

24. Answers are in the Nature

Rocks become shallow by the constant trickle of water drops for decades, tells us the power of persistence in life. For all the confusions in life, you can seek answers from the Nature with observation and keenness.

 25. The circle of life is complete

“What one has done in the secret chamber one has some day to cry out aloud on the house top” – Oscar Wilde

The circle of life is complete at the end, whatever you do, it returns back with the same force. Be cautious.

26. All glory is fleeting

“Your reputation is who people think you are; your character is who you really are.” – John Wooden

Remember, all glory is fleeting. There’s nothing more healing than living in the truth and presenting yourself as who you really are.

27. Brace yourself for impact

Life is fragile; you never know what happens next. Leave no remnants, love life and live consciously, make your mark, pursue the passion and that urgency, that purpose will really make a difference in your life.

28. By virtue of nothing, you gain something

It is skeptical but true. Mother Nature is abundant and resourceful, yet she never claims – that’s how she is eternal. That eternal status is attributed only when one is humble enough to accredit the virtue of nothing.

29.  Desire is the bait, fear is the hook

Beyond the perils of desire and fear happens life. Do not get succumbed by these in the process of achieving greater good. If you resist those; the universe will conspire for your success.

30. Have no regret on your death bed

Finally forgive, forget and say your I love yous, thank who you are grateful for – trust me you won’t want any regrets when you’re in your deathbed. Do it now.

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KAMAL SUCHARAN BURRI

Founding Director, Newlight Cinemas

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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