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3 Shocking Benefits of Negative Thinking

3 Shocking Benefits of Negative Thinking

Most of our actions in life have trade-offs. If we eat that piece of cake, we might see it later around our waistline. If we work overtime, we’ll see a positive outcome on our bank statement but miss time at home with loved ones.

Life is full of trade-offs.

Which made me wonder: is there always this trade-off? And is it possible to have too much positive thinking in our lives? Is it possible that personal development’s panacea that ails us can actually have a toxic effect if used in excess. After all, it’s said that it’s the dose that makes the poison.

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Looking more closely, I realized that too much positivity can be a dangerous thing. Take people who suffer from mania and believe they’re kings of the world, that they can fly, or possess super powers. Individuals experiencing such overwhelming positivity often become a danger to themselves as they are incapable of assessing risk.

This led me to an interesting conclusion: if we can have too much positivity, then on the flip side, there must be advantages to negative thinking. In other words: There must be some situations in which negative thinking helps us reach a positive outcome. It’s productive. It’s beneficial. Here are 3 ways I’ve discovered it to be true.

1. We Are Limited

We are often told, starting from a very young age, that we can become whatever we want — that we can do and have whatever it is our hearts desire. This, combined with nearly limitless options can leave even the most successful individuals feeling like they haven’t accomplished enough. By acknowledging or setting limitations on ourselves, we eliminate the vast majority of options that are only serving to steal our energy and attention.

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For instance, it is a waste of time and energy for me to dream about becoming a professional basketball player. I’m 25, 5’11, with no experience outside of the occasional pickup game, and I don’t particularly enjoy the sport. This option is not a good match for my skills or interests. In life, most of our options aren’t good matches for our skills or interests, for our unique personalities and passions.

While we often assume that having more choices is good, what we truly want are a few good options, not a limitless number of uncertain ones. By defining what we cannot or will not do, we enable ourselves to focus on the few options that will be meaningful to us.

2. Lowering Our Expectations

Another problem with being conditioned to believe that we can be, do and have anything we want is that this thinking inflates our expectations to unrealistic levels and often endows us with a sense of entitlement. To complicate matters, we often hinge our happiness on these external events – whether or not the world conforms to our expectations. But the universe doesn’t owe us anything, and unrealistically high expectations are rarely met.

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This is a sure path towards disappointment. It’s more effective to lower our expectations – if not eliminate them completely. If we’re not basing our happiness on whether or not our expectations are met, then we’ve eliminated one of our biggest sources of unhappiness and given ourselves the opportunity to be content where we are right now.

It’s one thing to aspire to do, or be, or have great things. It’s healthy to dream big and aim high. If we can do so without expecting anything, then we’ll be able to enjoy the journey, as well as whatever results may or may not come.

3. Accurate Risk Assessment

Remember our manic friends? Thinking that they can fly is not the only hazard of being overly optimistic. Incurably positive thinking affects all types of risk assessment. Taking calculated risks is one of the best ways to grow as individuals and to make breakthroughs in our lives. Taking risks because we don’t realize there are risks is simply dangerous. Take, for instance, engaging in unprotected sex, playing the stock market, and casino gambling.

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While it’s impossible to say with certainty that our attitude has no influence over the outcomes in these scenarios, it would be foolish to make positive thoughts to our success strategies. And this should apply to all areas of our lives: having a realistic understanding of the situations we find ourselves in is the most important thing. Then, we can be sure that our positive thinking isn’t fantasy, and it can be used to give us direction and inspiration. Otherwise we may eventually find ourselves flying without a net – and that’s not a recipe for happiness.

Conclusion

These thoughts that, at first glance, seem to be negative, really aren’t once we take the time to internalize them. They’re about realism. Realism isn’t positive or negative, and by having an accurate picture of reality we can make better life decisions.

And in that sense these negative thoughts are most certainly positive.

For more interesting insights into human experience check out these 

Featured photo credit: http://www.morguefile.com/creative/hotblack via cdn.morguefile.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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