Advertising
Advertising

25 Self-Improvement Books That Will Make You A Better Person

25 Self-Improvement Books That Will Make You A Better Person

These 25 self-improvement books will surprise you, make you think, and maybe even insult you. But more than anything, they will help you become a better person.

1. You Are Not So Smart: Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, Why Your Memory Is Mostly Fiction, and 46 Other Ways You’re Deluding Yourself

by David McRaney Read it

self-improvement books

    “If you see lots of shark attacks in the news, you think, ‘Gosh, sharks are out of control.’ What you should think is ‘Gosh, the news loves to cover shark attacks.”

    While the title may seem a bit insulting, this book is meant to celebrate our irrational nature, and explain human psych in an entertaining way. Sections like Learned Helplessness, Selling Out, and the Illusion of Transparency give a peak into the human brain – in all it’s glory and craziness.

    2. The Upside of Irrationality: The Unexpected Benefits of DefyingLogic at Work and at Home

    by Dan Ariely Read it

    the

      “Upton Sinclair once noted, “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”

      This is another read on human irrationality, again with a positive, explanatory spin. Ariely, an economist, gives insight into human behavior in relationships and the workplace. He also covers the fascinating, underlying reasons why humans cheat.

      3. The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference

      by Malcolm Gladwell Read it

      tip

        “Emotion is contagious.”

        In the age of viral videos, content, and ideas, The Tipping Point explores a very relevant question: what makes something spread? The book covers the topic in a universal manner, helpful to anyone in business or simply anyone with a promising idea in their head.

        4. The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth

        by M. Scott Peck Read it

        road

          “Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and wisdom.”

          While The Road Less Travelled is decades old, it is a classic self-improvement best seller for good reason. This is a great read for anyone who wants to improve and better understand their relationships.

          5. Man’s Search for Meaning

          by Victor Frankl Read it

          self-improvement

            “Man is originally characterized by his “search for meaning” rather than his “search for himself.”

            The more he forgets himself—giving himself to a cause or another person—the more human he is. And the more he is immersed and absorbed in something or someone other than himself the more he really becomes himself.”  A profound story, Man’s Search For Meaning tells of the author’s experiences in Auschwitz. Frankl goes on to explain a profound psychological therapy program based on what he learned during these struggles.

            Advertising

            6. The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play

            by Neil Fiore Read it

            now

              “When you commit to a goal, you’re committing to a form of work that brings ongoing rewards. When you procrastinate, you’re choosing a self-punishing form of work.”

              This one’s for the do-it-tomorrowers. The Now Habit outlines how to accomplish tasks without the negativity and guilt, and how to enjoy your free time in a more meaningful way.

              7. For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence

              by Alice Miller Read it

              good

                This book drives home the ways in which abusive parenting can deeply damage a child. Miller, a Swiss psychologist, determines what kinds of parenting mistakes lead to major developmental problems in children. She also discusses ways in which adults can finally heal their childhood scars.

                8. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

                by Daniel Goleman Read it

                2

                  “When we are in the grip of craving or fury, head-over-heals in love our recoiling in dread, it is the limbic system that has us in its grip.” 

                  Goleman distinguishes between 2 minds: the rational and the emotional, and how your emotional intelligence can determine success in almost any social area, including work and relationships. This book defines a new way to be “smart.”

                  9. Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard

                  by Chip Heath & Dan Heath Read it

                  switch

                    “Knowledge does not change behavior. We have all encountered crazy shrinks and obese doctors and divorced marriage counselors.”

                    Knowing that something must change is often simple, but actually changing it is another issue entirely. This book teaches us why change is hard, and gives examples of how uniting the rational and emotional minds can bring lasting change.

                    10. Whatcha Gonna Do with That Duck?: And Other Provocations

                    by Seth Godin Read it

                    duck

                      “Hard work begins when you deal with the things that you’d rather not deal with: fear of failure, fear of standing out, fear of rejection. Hard work is about training yourself to leap over this barrier, tunnel under that barrier, drive through the other barrier. And then, to do it again the next day.”

                      Advertising

                      If the title stumps you, it’s a reference to the idiom that instructs us to “get our ducks in a row.” The book is a collection of Godin’s best blog posts on topics like marketing, business, bravery, and communication, all ripe with humor and innovation.

                      11. The Attention Revolution: Unlocking the Power of the Focused Mind

                      by Alan Wallace Read it

                      1

                        “Meditation is a balancing act between attention and relaxation.” 

                        A cross between Buddhism and science, this book perfectly conveys the importance of an underrated skill: paying attention. Wallace shows how profound levels of attention can be reached through meditation, and how it can change our lives.

                        12. The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom

                        happ

                          by Jonathan Haidt Read it

                          “If you are in passionate love and want to celebrate your passion, read poetry. If your ardor has calmed and you want to understand your evolving relationship, read psychology. But if you have just ended a relationship and would like to believe you are better off without love, read philosophy.” 

                          This book delves back in history to extract wisdom and guidance for modern times. Taking a psychological perspective to determine how happiness is achieved, this book reminds us of the hidden wisdom in basic truths.

                          13. The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types

                          by Don Riso and Russ Hudson Read it

                          enneagram

                            “If we observe ourselves truthfully and non-judgmentally, seeing the mechanisms of our personality in action, we can wake up, and our lives can be a miraculous unfolding of beauty and joy.” 

                            If there is one thing this book will help you achieve, it’s a higher level of self-understanding. The book includes questionnaires for you to categorize your perspective, as well as detailed advice depending on your results.

                            14. The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature

                            by Steven Pinker Read it

                            slate

                              “Human material existence is limited by ideas, not by stuff.”

                              Pinker’s ultra logical insights nail down some of the most common questions and misconceptions about human nature. He covers a variety of topics including politics, parenting, and art, explaining how common beliefs have distorted the truth about who we are as a species. 

                              15. Psycho-Cybernetics, A New Way to Get More Living Out of Life

                              by Maxwell Maltz Read it

                              psych

                                “Every human being is hypnotized to some extent, either by ideas he has uncritically accepted from others or ideas he has convinced himself are true. These negative ideas have exactly the same effect upon our behavior as the negative ideas implanted into the mind of a subject by a professional hypnotist.” 

                                Psycho‑Cybernetics is a program that pioneered the concept of a mind-body connection. The book’s aim is to help you find happiness, health, and success through changing negative habits – and yes, the “how” is explained too.

                                Advertising

                                16. Thinking, Fast and Slow

                                by Daniel Kahneman Read it

                                fast

                                  “The illusion that we understand the past fosters overconfidence in our ability to predict the future.”

                                  Thinking Fast and Slow will get you thinking about thinking. How to optimize your thinking, the dangers of bias and overconfidence, and proper decision making are just a few of the topics covered.

                                  17. The Highly Sensitive Person

                                  by Elaine Aron Read it

                                  self-improvement books

                                    “Highly sensitive people are cautious, inward, needing extra time alone. Because people without the trait (the majority) do not understand that, they see us as timid, shy, weak, or that greatest sin of all, unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others and then by ourselves.” 

                                    The Highly Sensitive Person is a good read for those who want to calm overstimulation and anxiety. However, for those who aren’t in this population, it will help you enrich your interactions with those that are in this group.

                                    18. The Power of Now

                                    by Eckhart Tolle Read it

                                    now

                                      “The past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.”

                                      A wildly popular book, The Power of Now is a 101 guide to spiritual growth and enlightenment. Tolle reveals how we shape our relationship with and experience of pain.

                                      19. Outliers: The Story of Success

                                      by Malcolm Gladwell Read it

                                      outleirs

                                        “Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning. Once it does, it becomes the kind of thing that makes you grab your wife around the waist and dance a jig.” 

                                        Outliers is a fascinating book about what everyone wants to know: what do I need to do to be a huge success? The answer may surprise you. Gladwell draws attention not to what successful people do, but where they are from.

                                        20.Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life

                                        by Spencer Johnson Read it  

                                        cheese

                                          “The fear you let build up in your mind is worse than the situation that actually exists.” 

                                          Afraid of change? This book will teach you to shift your attitude on change and learn to accept the more difficult ones. Using plenty of humor and practicality, Johnson prepares us for that which has yet to come.

                                          Advertising

                                          21. This Is How

                                          by Augusten Burroughs Read it

                                          how

                                            “I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be so lonely because it seems catastrophic – seeing the car just as it hits you.” 

                                            Burroughs offers a catch-all solution to just about every different struggle a person can have: resilience. This author has been through it all, and has come out the other side to offer a unique way for us to endure our issues.

                                            22.  “Life Was Never Meant to Be a Struggle”

                                            by Stuart Wild Read it

                                            life

                                              “If you don’t change, reality in the end forces that change upon you.” 

                                              The general theme of this book is to identify the root of a problem and develop an action plan to solve it. This book will change your perception of struggle, eliminating it as a necessity for success. “No pain, no gain” simply becomes “no pain.”

                                              23. “Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway” 

                                              by Susan Jeffers Read it

                                              fear

                                                “The only way to feel better about myself is to go out… and do it.”

                                                Jeffers gives a no-nonsense approach to overcoming fear in any area of life. While there may not be a way to eliminate it, we can act despite fear. This book will help you move away from a victim mentality and into a place of power.

                                                24. The Art of Happiness

                                                by The Dalai Lama Read it

                                                art

                                                  “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” 

                                                  The Art of Happiness is a practical guide to “riding it out.” The Dalai Lama provides stories and examples of how we can withstand everyday setbacks, while still maintaing a constant inner peace.

                                                  25. Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness

                                                  by Daniel G. Amen Read it

                                                  change

                                                    Amen gives us a peek into our mental health issues from a neuroscience perspective. Thanks to the discovery of neuroplasticity, this book provides simple techniques we can use to literally change how our brains function.

                                                    Featured photo credit: kshelton via pixabay.com

                                                    More by this author

                                                    tackling self esteem One Solid Practice for Tackling Low Self-Esteem banksy street art 15 Life Lessons From Banksy Street Art That Will Leave You Lost For Words self-improvement books 25 Self-Improvement Books That Will Make You A Better Person stick new habit 4 Reasons You Just Can’t Stick With A New Habit 8 Fall-Themed Wedding Favors to Delight Your Guests

                                                    Trending in Communication

                                                    1 Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional? 2 12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner 3 8 Proven Ways to Learn a New Language Fast 4 5 Best Language Learning Apps to Master a New Language 5 9 Reasons Why Motivation Matters in Leadership

                                                    Read Next

                                                    Advertising
                                                    Advertising
                                                    Advertising

                                                    Last Updated on November 11, 2019

                                                    Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional?

                                                    Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional?

                                                    A dysfunctional family is more than disagreement or constant arguments. Anything from plain neglect, to abuse and even verbal and physical violence is the everyday experience of those who are part of a dysfunctional family.

                                                    You know how this looks:

                                                    • Parents constantly comparing children.
                                                    • Siblings in conflict because of tolerated bullying.
                                                    • Domestic violence.
                                                    • Adultery…
                                                    • And many others.

                                                    For all the members, this will mean emotional pain and even trauma; which, in case it doesn’t get resolved, will have a detrimental effect on the individual’s personality and development.

                                                    Needless to say, the younger members are the most vulnerable, but that doesn’t mean the parents are out of danger, as most commonly the parents play the roles of abuser-codependent, and in some cases, both parts inflicting pain on one another.

                                                    Most like to think these problems stem from deep-seated issues, and that therefore it’s pretty much impossible to deal with them.

                                                    This is only true for families not willing to do what it takes, for if only a single member is determined and knows how to do it, the whole family can do a lot of progress.

                                                    In this article, I’ll break down for you the basic steps of fixing a dysfunctional family. Although it may seem hopeless, it is possible to turn things around.

                                                    If you have ever felt in this position, or if you know somebody who is, this article is for you.

                                                    How to fix a dysfunctional family

                                                    In a few words the solution for a dysfunctional family lies in dropping the ego, focusing on the solution, switching blame for responsibility and doing the work as a unity, for the good of the whole family.

                                                    And this will accomplish things you once only saw as a dream.

                                                    Dropping the ego? Switching blame for responsibility? Doing the work? What does all this mean?

                                                    It’s simple. In a nutshell, it’s that which will allow you to turn a dysfunctional family into a functional one.

                                                    Let’s take a look at how exactly this can be done. And near the end we will also talk about what you can do in a dysfunctional family with cynical traits.

                                                    Dysfunctional families where not only problems are well-known, but also nobody seems to want a fix or openly decide to perpetuate the harmful behaviors. Such as the case of abuse and physical violence.

                                                    There is also a solution for these, it’s just not what you are expecting…

                                                    Dysfunctional… Or just average?

                                                    Most families are dysfunctional, though at varying degrees of dysfunctionality.

                                                    The milder cases, are just marked by “typical” comically-shrouded bullying or lack of interest in other members’ development or wellbeing.

                                                    You can know a family is dysfunctional if their interactions are anything different than cooperation, solidarity, care and support. But let’s get more specific…

                                                    A dysfunctional family is one in which members directly or indirectly suffer emotional and/or physical harm inflicted by other members of their family. Most commonly, perpetrated by the parents.

                                                    Even harmful actions as “passive” as neglect, which is inflicted by inaction rather than action, signifies a dysfunction within the family.

                                                    Dysfunctional families have conflicts such as:

                                                    • Unrealistic expectations
                                                    • Lack of interest and time spent together
                                                    • Sexism
                                                    • Utilitarianism
                                                    • Lack of empathy
                                                    • Unequal or unfair treatment
                                                    • Disrespect towards boundaries
                                                    • Control Issues
                                                    • Jealousy
                                                    • Verbal and physical abuse
                                                    • Violence and even sexual misconduct or abuse

                                                    You may think a dysfunctional family has very little or nothing to do with personal productivity, but you would be wrong in thinking this way…

                                                    If a person is not emotionally well, she will not be able to perform as desired, as the emotional harm that has been inflicted will hinder everyday performance in the way of inability to concentrate, lack of mental clarity and low levels of inspiration, motivation and discipline.

                                                    Having a functional family does exactly the opposite: It creates productive members with no emotional baggage.

                                                    How to turn it around

                                                    When you’re part of a dysfunctional family you know it. You can quickly identify in other members the behaviors and conflicts that create the dysfunction.

                                                    But just in case you’re having trouble telling functional from dysfunctional I will tell you the following:

                                                    One of the easiest ways you can recognize if you are in a dysfunctional family is to survey your won feelings.

                                                    We often overlook this, but have you stopped to ask yourself how you feel?

                                                    Advertising

                                                    As cheesy as it may sound it really sheds a lot of light on the subject.

                                                    What behaviors, actions and attitudes in your family you wish were better?

                                                    Do you think certain behaviors and actions from your family marked you in the past?

                                                    Sadly, we cannot go back to the past to correct it. But we can do a lot in the present…

                                                    Correction is possible

                                                    In order to fix a dysfunctional family, you must start by putting an end to the behaviors and actions that are affecting you.

                                                    Verbalize it.

                                                    All members of the dysfunctional family have one issue in common: They don’t put a stop to the harm.

                                                    Whenever you feel your boundaries being overstepped there is just one single word you have to remember: STOP.

                                                    This is the door to a better, more functional family, because after this, comes the fix.

                                                    But first you have to identify and make others know where exactly lies the problem.

                                                    So go ahead and fearlessly start with “Stop”, followed by your expression of dissatisfaction.

                                                    Putting it to work in real life

                                                    In real life it would be something like this:

                                                    “OK, stop! Every time you belittle me I feel you don’t care. I need attention and respect, and it is your responsibility as my family to provide them to me”

                                                    Or:

                                                    “Stop. When you compare me with my cousin it hurts, I feel like I don’t matter and that’s not ok. I ask you to stop doing it.

                                                    Or:

                                                    “Please stop. When you start yelling all respect is lost and it turns into a battle of who can do it louder. Don’t raise your voice and let’s work this out the way humans do”.

                                                    As you can see, here you start by putting a stop to the toxic behavior when it arises. And afterwards you verbalize why it’s wrong and what needs of you need to be fulfilled.

                                                    This is what you have to remember:

                                                    1-Stop.

                                                    2-Why it’s wrong?

                                                    3-What you need.

                                                    And this will also work well in case you need to do it for another family member.

                                                    It’s a family thing

                                                    A dysfunctional family cannot be fixed by one member alone.

                                                    Yes, a single member can initiate progress and be the leader of the change. But in order to completely become functional all members must contribute to the solution.

                                                    In other words, you will need cooperation…

                                                    So don’t be afraid of asking for it!

                                                    Approach your family member and ask to be listened.

                                                    Advertising

                                                    We sometimes feel our needs are “not that important” or we simply believe they won’t listen. But thinking like this would be like being defeated at an unfought battle.

                                                    You will be amazed by how much people listen when you voice your needs, especially if it implies showing yourself open, vulnerable and in need.

                                                    It’s not a free-for-all battle

                                                    In order to get your family to cooperate, first you must fix your individual relationships with every member of the family. Remember: Relationships are always between two people, and two people only.

                                                    No matter how complex, the quality of a multi-member relationship (like a family) will always depend on the quality of the individual relationships.

                                                    Once you have straightened the relationship with every member of the dysfunctional family you will be able to better communicate with other members and help in the betterment of their individual relationship.

                                                    And this is where we will talk about the fix itself. The one I mentioned in the introduction…

                                                    The method

                                                    1. Drop the ego

                                                    Wherever there is conflict there is ego.

                                                    You cannot fix a relationship where there is ego, because the ego will want to win. Always. Yours and the other person.

                                                    Ego craves control and satisfaction, and in many cases, to establish dominance.

                                                    What does this have to do with a dysfunctional family? Everything. Ego will interfere with every plan you have to fix it.

                                                    It will make people suborn and defensive. And it will also make them drop responsibility. This is why, the first step is to drop the ego.

                                                    After you make sure you are not going to allow your ego to interfere you must work to make the other person do the same. How? By speaking from the heart…

                                                    Tell the other person how important all this is to you.

                                                    Tell the other person that it’s not a matter of arguing, but just working things out together.

                                                    Point out how it is not possible for you to do it alone.

                                                    And ask for sincere attention without any desire of opposition, because what you are doing is by no means in the hopes of harming the other person, but just to better the relationship and stop the damage being dealt to you.

                                                    You will have to point out the mistakes you need corrected, that’s for sure. And that leads me to the next point…

                                                    2. Not blame, but responsibility

                                                    When talking about others’ mistakes we often use an accusatory tone. And that’s natural, it’s what things should be like if ego was not present.

                                                    But since we are all creatures of ego, this immediately brings the shields up. And then unsheathes the swords…

                                                    When we blame others they automatically enter a defensive state, and this only leads to a failed negotiation.

                                                    What you need to do is to shift from blame to responsibility. And even that will have to be done carefully!

                                                    Instead of telling them off or demanding change or complaining, calmly point what the problem with their behavior is.

                                                    As much as this feels contradictory, also make them feel understood. You know how difficult it is to accept a mistake, so just make them feel it’s no big fuzz… which does not mean it’s ok, but it takes tension off.

                                                    You will do something like this:

                                                    “Hello dad. Can I talk with you for a minute? I really need to tell you something.

                                                    I have been feeling pretty sad lately and I know this is something you do care about.

                                                    You see, whenever I talk about my accomplishments you mention something else that makes my achievement pale in comparison.

                                                    I know you don’t do this intentionally and I know you might have not realized this until now, but I want to let you know this really brings me down.

                                                    Advertising

                                                    It would mean a lot to me if you could stop doing it, and it would help better our relationship, because this has already forced me to distance myself from you. And I don’t want that, I want a good, healthy relationship with you”

                                                    What happened here?

                                                    We started off with making it something important, something that needs both time and attention. Then we openly show ourselves vulnerable, just as we are.

                                                    We also mention why he should listen, and shove our feelings there again, because they are important.

                                                    We describe the issue with no attachment and with no hostile intention. It’s just a description.

                                                    And then we take the blame off. Just before we assign responsibility without actually saying it.

                                                    You are not blaming him directly, but you are pointing out the inevitable fact that his actions are causing a dysfunctionality. He is now responsible for changing.

                                                    This is what “switching blame for responsibility” means. What comes next? Doing the work!

                                                    3. Doing the work

                                                    What would any of this mean if, in the end, nothing changes? Exactly, nothing!

                                                    This is why you must follow up with every change that needs to be done.

                                                    Do so in a manner that is not hostile. Bring it up in a casual manner, and emphasizing how you both reached an agreement and how that is important to the family.

                                                    If the person doesn’t follow up don’t hesitate to bring it up again, and tell them you feel disappointed that your honest try at it was not listened.

                                                    It may even be a subject in itself, and therefore the need for another conversation.

                                                    “When you go back to old habits it shows that you didn’t really care about what I said. But back in real life you just reinforce how much contempt you show towards me and my feelings.

                                                    I talk with you because I care. Because although it would be easier for me to just distance myself from you I rather do my part in nurturing this relationship.

                                                    But there is just so much I can do, if you refuse to do your part I can do nothing else.”

                                                    You need very clear and positive communication in order to make this work.

                                                    Love is all you need

                                                    You must remember that in order for a dysfunctional family to become functional, all the work needs to stem from love.

                                                    That is the single one requirement for all this to work: Love.

                                                    And what happens if it simply is not there?

                                                    What happens if, nobody is willing to do what it takes?

                                                    What happens if a member of the family refuses to change and is happy with the harm he or she is dealing?

                                                    There is only one thing you can do:

                                                    To break away.

                                                    Let’s be honest, people, especially adults, are very difficult to change.

                                                    There is a Jewish proverb that I love, which sums it up like this:

                                                    “We spend the rest of our lives trying to unlearn what we learned before we were 7”

                                                    If you find it very hard to change the very traits that make your family dysfunctional or if it’s simply impossible, you still have a card up your sleeve…

                                                    Advertising

                                                    Although nobody likes to beak away from family members, we must remember we have a responsibility with ourselves as individuals, before any relationship with anyone.

                                                    You have the responsibility of making yourself happy and free. Because you matter as an individual, regardless of any relationships you have, be it family, friendship or romantic.

                                                    Putting distance

                                                    So in case you are dealing with a family member who is simply unwilling to change take both physical and emotional distance.

                                                    What do I mean?

                                                    Learn, first, to take their damage in a detached manner.

                                                    Don’t let it hurt you further. Instead take a deep breath and distance yourself emotionally.

                                                    Don’t be attached to feelings such as “Why doesn’t she love me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” or “If he wasn’t like that my life would be perfect”.

                                                    Simply refuse to keep participating in the emotional downward spiral and accept, even if it’s painful” that there is nothing you can do. Accept that even without that relationship you are whole, you are worthy of love and respect.

                                                    They are their responsibility and you are yours. So decide what is best for you.

                                                    Realize it only comes down to two possibilities:

                                                    I keep the relationship and therefore accept the abuse. Or…

                                                    I choose my peace of mind.

                                                    And don’t let your mind fool you. We often think that since we all are imperfect, we must take the good and the bad behaviors of people. And we are especially forgiving towards our family…

                                                    Well, guess what? We are also responsible adults who are aware and must own to their acts. Never excuse abuse or violence or transgression towards you or anybody else.

                                                    Choose your happiness and if possible, also distance yourself physically, as it will increase your peace of mind tenfold.

                                                    How to prevent it

                                                    There are two key concepts you must bear in mind in order to prevent the dysfunctionality of a family:

                                                    • To be completely aware of one’s own mistakes and not allow them to impact others and…
                                                    • To make sure our SO’s are also on the same channel before creating a family (i.e. having children)

                                                    Dysfunctional families are the product of irresponsible paternity, for the decades-long unresolved emotional conflict ends up surfacing in the family inevitably, and it will for sure harm those who least deserve it: Innocent children.

                                                    You may notice we went from talking about family, to talking about individual relationships, to talking about you. We went from “them” to “us” to “me”.

                                                    Why? Because in the end you have the power to fix a dysfunctional family. To correct the mistakes you have in yours and to prevent dysfunctionalities if you don’t have a family but plan to create one.

                                                    Priorities and clear thought

                                                    You may be part of a dysfunctional family, but that does not mean you are powerless or that you have to suffer the consequences.

                                                    You learned today how it’s all a matter of priorities and thinking clearly.

                                                    You learned that, if love exists, everything is possible. You learned that even when there is no love and no fix for your dysfunctional family, there are still things you can do. It’s a matter of choosing your peace, because you deserve it.

                                                    Everything will be better if you apply this knowledge. If you talk to that problematic family member. If you help them see the harm they are doing. If you make sure they do change and treat you the way you need to be treated…

                                                    If you choose yourself over that toxic family member. If you refuse to justify the harm that others can do to yourself. If you realize the most important relationship you have is with yourself.

                                                    And lastly, that you also have to be aware of your actions and be open to criticism. Because we might be unknowingly harming others. And that would be us creating a dysfunctionality. Don’t allow it to happen.

                                                    Dysfunctional families are not impossible to fix. It just takes love, cooperation and responsibility.

                                                    But if you tried and those elements are not present, just choose yourself instead.

                                                    Featured photo credit: Xavier Mouton Photographie via unsplash.com

                                                    Read Next