Advertising
Advertising

20 Things You’ll Regret Every Time After Doing

20 Things You’ll Regret Every Time After Doing

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.” – John Barrymore. Regrets are a part of life, but they don’t have to be a major part of it. Sometimes, doing certain things affects you in a way that you won’t consciously realize. Especially with the items that have an effect on the way others see you. If you knew what your boss thought of your political rant, you’d possibly regret it! Look over this list and try and avoid situations where regrets might be the only conclusion.

1. You’ll regret every time taking a job solely for money

If you have taken jobs for money and you felt unhappy, ending up getting fired or quitting, you may not have realized the feeling of regret. I mean, who doesn’t like money? But, the effect of jobs that aren’t right, that don’t motivate you and that don’t teach you anything are missed opportunities. Do what you love and don’t feel guilty about it. The money will follow.

2. You’ll regret every time not taking an opportunity

Whether it’s to learn something about your career field or an opportunity to learn anything, you should take it. Barring things that literally kill you, experience is what life is all about.

3. You’ll regret every time sending an email/text when you’re angry

I’ve learned to quell the desire to return fire in an electronic form of communication. Something about accessibility and the ability to quickly communicate makes us think we should act…without thinking. At times, I’ve sent things in anger that I didn’t mean because I misinterpreted the situation. Plain and simple, let your emotions settle and take the soot to compose a thought-out letter after the initial anger subsides.

Advertising

4. You’ll regret every time cheating on partner

If you honestly don’t feel guilty or ashamed after cheating on your partner then you’re possible a sociopath. If a relationship isn’t working out, have the intestinal fortitude to admit it. Life goes by rapidly, but never so fast that you don’t have time to decide which lover you want to be with at any one moment. If you’re drunk at a bar or horny on a cruise, follow the same advice as emailing angry–and wait. Hurting other people selfishly is one of the biggest reasons to feel guilty. If you are moving on from one relationship with a person you met through cheating, will you truly trust that person not to cheat on you?

5. You’ll regret every time telling off your boss upon quitting

One of my coworkers used to joke about putting in his resignation by putting a pile of poop in an expensive store product. We would laugh and commiserate, but no one ever expected he would do it–and he never did. When you work for someone or some place, you have a responsibility to act as a professional. Even if your boss is the world’s biggest jerk, you don’t fix another person’s attitude by acting like a bigger ass. So, if you feel like you need to “settle the score,” when leaving a job, think over what you’re most upset about. Write it out in a nasty letter, but don’t send it! Wait a day or two. If you still feel the need to confront a former employer, do so with tact and without emotion.

6. You’ll regret every time putting off a passion/an interest

Author Russell Blake recently published a rant about running into a friend who acknowledged Blake’s career as a writer by saying he wanted to write a book too, but didn’t have the time. I loved this post because it proved to me once again that doing what one loves–especially when it’s in the arts–is not about a hobby. Passions are nature’s way of encouraging us silly humans. While your passion may be medicine or law, others thrive on painting or writing. The work one must put into a passion means time. If you put off the things you feel most strongly about, you will regret it. You won’t find time to start a poem let alone a book if you wait until the kids are grown or you can retire. Same thing for playing an instrument or learning to paint. Invest the time when the passion strikes.

7. You’ll regret every time not spending time with loved ones

Maybe you don’t see eye-to-eye with your dad, and maybe your dog really is your best friend, but I guarantee that you will feel more stressed and less productive when you don’t spend enough time with those you love. Don’t push too hard to impress the boss and get a promotion at the expense of a yearly family vacation. Kids want more than anything to spend time with their parents, so I promise you they will be more impressed with a weekend camping trip than with an expensive token.

Advertising

8. You’ll regret every time staying at a dead-end job

Look around the office. If you know you aren’t moving up unless someone dies, then maybe you should look for a job where you can prove yourself and be rewarded for your contributions. Money is important when it comes to paying the mortgage and keeping food on the table, but life is too short to waste it chasing the almighty dollar. If you work to live, you’ve got it backwards and you should think about how you can make a living pursuing things that mean more to you. Your spirit will thank you for it even if you have moments where dinner has to be charged to a credit card.

9. You’ll regret every time let fear dictate decisions

Just like staying in a dead-end job because you fear unemployment or think you cannot survive without another paycheck, when fear guides your decisions you make mistakes. You do things out of fear–or rather you don’t do things because of fear. Many of the items on this list play into the idea of taking calculated risks and making the most of every day.

10. You’ll regret dropping out of school for no good reason.

Though life often “gets in the way,” remember that LIFE is what you make of it. Often, people drop out of school and think they can always go back later. This isn’t always the case and if you are pursuing a dream that requires a formal education (like being a doctor or nurse), then try not to give it up. If you need to take a leave of absense for personal reasons, do so, but try and get back at it.

11. You’ll regret every time not telling loved ones how you feel

As with making sure you spend enough time with those you love, making sure you are open and honest with your feelings is just as important. Holding hurt feelings back often leads to resentment, which can lead to infidelity in a marriage. Worse yet is when we race through life too busy to say “I love you,” and the unthinkable happens. It takes mere seconds to hug and kiss your loved ones so do it often and don’t hold back when you feel an emotion–unless it’s anger, in which case you should calm down and communicate rationally to move forward.

Advertising

12. You’ll regret every time letting friends slip away

Okay, I admit this is another of those that you may not experience regret from every time. If you choose to move on from a stagnant or negative relationship, that is different than forgetting to invest the time to be a friend to keep a friend. It’s not always about what you want to talk about; call a friend and make sure he or she doesn’t need an ear.

13. You’ll regret every time yelling at your kids

This one probably hits close to home for most parents–at least, it does for me. I’m guilty of letting the stress get to me and yelling at the kids. In my defense, they seem to purposefully infuriate me. The way my 3-year-old stares me down–understanding exactly what I am saying not to do, and then doing it–ruffles my feathers in unimaginable ways. I’ve never hit either of my kids (my youngest is now 18 months old), but I feel guilty every time I yell at them because I know that yelling doesn’t accomplish anything. Other than to scare them into wandering into traffic, yelling just makes stress worse.

14. You’ll regret every time stress eating

Eh, you won’t regret stress eating every time, and sometimes comfort food is a good way to indulge in life’s finer things. But, the truth is that stress eating in and of itself is unhealthy because the act of fulfilling a nutritional need with junk food is like a junkie using drugs. Make conscious choices to indulge in fine chocolate or calorie laden dessert every once in a while and don’t let stress be your guide.

15. You’ll regret every time drunken posting on social media

This should go without saying, but obviously many of us post drunk. We shouldn’t. Just like with holding emotions until we can “see clearly,” holding off on saying anything social can wait until we’re sober.

Advertising

16. You’ll regret every time ranting on social media

This is again one of those things that you may not consciously realize you regret, but your over-the-top political posts and rants about how much you hate your service providers causes others to perceive you in ways you’d regret if you knew better. Just because a status or profile is set to “private” doesn’t guarantee the wrong person won’t see it. Rant with caution because even if you don’t immediately see the error of your ways, you will with enough distance. Some things simply aren’t worth it.

17. Sharing a secret someone told you in confidence

When you betray your friends’ trust you prove yourself to be an unworthy friend. Even if the person isn’t someone you’d classify as a “friend,” betraying confidence will only make others perceive you as a gossip at best.

18. You’ll regret every time succumbing to peer pressure

Just like when you take a job for money or stay in a dead-end job out of fear, when you succumb to peer pressure you project an image of being a follower. You want to be a brave leader in life. Taking calculated risks and losing is better than always agreeing to do what everyone else is doing just because that may be easier.

19. You’ll regret every time belittling someone else

A huge, fat line of difference exists between constructive criticism and belittling. Most of us know what it feels like to be wrongly judged too quickly, but we should all appreciate the opportunity to grow from feedback. When you belittle someone, you will regret it because belittling others makes you nothing more than a bully.

20. You’ll regret every time listening to Nickelback

Ha ha, I’m kidding, not belittling Nickelback’s music. The controversy and “peer pressure” to hate something is a perfect point that supports many of the things on my list. Before you decide to join your friends in a laugh at the expense of any artist or individual, take the time to make your own decision. Nickelback isn’t so bad. Overrated by some and bashed brutally by others, but as with anything in life, you’ll regret what you do without thinking first.

Featured photo credit: morguefile via mrg.bz

More by this author

15 Life Lectures From Grandpa Get References That Will Make You An Outstanding Candidates In 5 Easy Steps 20 Things You’ll Regret Every Time After Doing How to Find a Suitable Professional Mentor striving for perfectionism? 6 Reasons Why Perfectionism Kills Your Productivity

Trending in Communication

1 Feel like Giving Up? 16 Way to Help Entrepreneurs Stay Motivated 2 How to Find Motivation When You’re Totally Burnt Out 3 How to Overcome Your Irrational Fears (That Stop You from Succeeding) 4 10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On 5 7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on October 16, 2018

How to Overcome Your Irrational Fears (That Stop You from Succeeding)

How to Overcome Your Irrational Fears (That Stop You from Succeeding)

She could hear her beautiful baby crying but was frozen in the doorway unable to move. The crying got worse and she knew that unless she comforted the infant soon the baby would be inconsolable, and yet her feet wouldn’t move. She didn’t look at the cot but the floor in front, where the venomous hairy monster sat before her…. .okay it was a UK spider so not likely to kill her at all, and yet still her body was frozen as the tears fell down her face. “What a useless mother you are” she berated herself.

That awful mother was me 14 years ago. My fear of spiders had not been controlled for years and I was at the stage where I wouldn’t open a newspaper until my husband had read it and removed the images of spiders. I hated houses that had wooden floors or skirting boards because every knot in the wood could be a spider about to crawl across me.

At the height of my fear, I tried to get out of a moving car. Clearly this harmless 8-legged creature had massive levels of power over me but now that fear is gone, I’m never going to love spiders but I’m not going to leave the room because of one and I can read the word without freaking out and sobbing.

If you think that fear is irrational, what about the fear of going to airports? Or the fear of not asking for help?

Today I want to look at how our irrational fears impact on us, how they can destroy (and I don’t use that word lightly) our success. They can damage our health and even stop us from living our lives. And then I’ll share the benefits of fighting that fear and most importantly how you can fight your fears too.

How irrational fears impact your life

The thing about irrational fears is that we are not keen to look at them. It makes us feel inadequate, weak and daft because we can’t do things that it seems everyone else can. That gives the fear power.

Fear loves negative emotions and saps up yours making your fear bigger and uglier and even more powerful. Not ideal to say the least. Fears can cause us to:

  • Avoid situations where that fear may have to be faced. Dodging parties, new jobs, new experiences where we aren’t sure we will be able to protect ourselves.
  • Stop us from sleeping for fear the thing we fear will “get us in the night.” For me this was massive, and I stopped sleeping which had massive implications when my job was to look after a toddler and a baby. I felt half dead most of the time!
  • Feel ill with the stress. Stress can be the cause of wrong decisions. Drinking alcohol when we shouldn’t, eating chocolate because it makes us feel better, the list of excuses is long that we hold on to so that we can avoid the cause of our stress.
  • Cause more distress as our minds overload us with negative thoughts of inadequacy. This can damage our confidence. Having coached thousands, I know that a lack of confidence is usually the underlining impactor on most people’s success across all areas of their lives.
  • Risk looking aloof or arrogant because we won’t participate like other people. Our fears can even isolate us in our personal and professional lives too.
  • Feel debilitated. Needless to say, these fears may look irrational and shouldn’t exist to the outside world but to the sufferer they are debilitating. Even impacting on their earning potential, love life, hobbies, travels and personal and professional success.

Why bother to fight the fear

Couldn’t you just ensure you live your life in way that you don’t have to deal with your fear?

I had a client that was so scared of flying that they couldn’t even take their partner to the airport, another who had avoided public speaking for over 20 years and yet now at the height of their profession they had no choice, what were they going to do? Quit? There was another who could never ask for help and another who feared people finding out who they really were.

All these fears and many more can be fixed but only if we can appreciate the benefits of fighting the fear.

Let’s look at the benefits of fighting your fears:

If you’re going to change the way you do something, something that has impacted on your life, thoughts and actions for years, it can be hard to believe change is possible.

Advertising

The first thing you must do is give yourself a big enough reason why. Go back through your life and remember all the occasions that this fear was there.

I can still see the spider trapped in my hair because it had obviously been on my hairdryer. I also remember that I probably looked ludicrous in the South of France in my underwear running down the lane screaming and flinging my hair everywhere. The poor spider had not only been flung a long way from my head but was probably destroyed in the flight.

Remember the feelings, the actions, the negative feelings you felt afterwards, for me it meant that every time I picked up a hairdryer I could see a spider crawling towards my ear in my hair. Guess how helpful that was for reinforcing my reactions and irrational fear?

Really experience the fear. Make it so painful that you probably notice your heart racing, your shoulders drawing up and your breath changing. That fear is causing physical change in your body, doesn’t feel good does it?

When the irrational fear is challenged and destroyed, it can’t have power over you. So new opportunities can come your way and instead of fearing them and what people will think of you for your choices, you can be open to;

  • New hobbies
  • New travels
  • New opportunities
  • More success
  • Financially more secure
  • Happier
  • Healthier
  • Confident

The list is long so what can you do to get rid of your fears?

How to fight your irrational fears

In my book Fight the Fear: How to Beat Your Negative Mindset and Win in Life, I cover 12 of the biggest fears that I see impact on success and happiness. Not all of these are obvious but they all have far reaching impacts on our lives.

Here are some of those ideas to help you fight your fear and get more of what you want out of life:

Why did this happen?

For some people they really need to know why the fear started, for others all they want is to get rid of it. If you need to understand yours then don’t skip this tip. Learn how your fears are made and appreciate where yours came from. If you don’t care how it arrived, you can jump to top tip 2.

I’ve seen some clients who are not prepared to look at how to get rid of the fear until they’ve understood how it got here in the first place. It’s not my place to tell them that is right or wrong, just to help them find the right steps to lead them to a happy path.

When a fear first starts, we don’t acknowledge a fear has entered our lives. It is only after a few occasions that we begin to notice that there’s a strong negative emotion connected to this “thing”. That’s how fear is allowed to grow because as humans we have in-built responses that have kept us safe for our entire existence. This means we are meant to perceive fear and either run or fight, either way our bodies jump into action creating physical responses to the perceived threat.

Look for when you first noticed the fast heart beat, the shallow breathing, the shaking hands, the redness. You have created an automatic way of dealing with this fear. It could be that it felt sensible to fear this because you had an unhappy outcome, although it is usually the case that your head has the facts and your heart is not prepared to hear them as it creates a version of the event that is far scarier than it actually was.

Advertising

Learning how to remove the emotions and feelings will help you to change your body’s response. The first time I fixed someone’s fear of public speaking, they told me that it physically closed their throat, I worried that was it possible with words to change our physicality? The answer was yes! With the tools and techniques I share below.

The tool kit

From the many people that have contacted me after reading Fight the Fear to my clients, I know for even myself creating a tool kit is a must. This is not a bag that you physically must haul everywhere. This is about learning tools that really resonate with you so that when you can feel the fear start to impact on you, you’ve got your kit ready to take it on.

I don’t have the space in one article to share all of those tools so let’s visit a few:

1. Why I’m awesome

Creating a 2-page handwritten document of why you are awesome can help. This document will be packed with achievements, successes, overcoming adversity and all of those will be full of positive emotions, actions and feelings. It is not easy to write, and I get many messages telling me so however it is a powerful reminder that you can stand up and accomplish.

2. Draw out your emotions

Earlier we looked at how irrational fears can damage every aspect of our lives. If you were to follow the negative spiral down you can follow the positive spiral up again.

I draw these individually for clients and with each action, thought or feeling we put an arrow between them. Each arrow is an opportunity to do something different. If we know that irrational fear is an automatic thought process, then we can start to see that we need to think, do or feel something different. Top tip 3 will help with that.

3. Acknowledge that you need to change

It’s not easy to change, and that is a belief that many hold. Top tip 4 could assist further, however for this tip, remember that when you want to do, think or feel differently, you’ve already achieved the first step and that is recognizing something must change (you don’t need to know what). But if you aren’t sure yet if there’s really something different you want to do, this story about Nancy may help you to figure it out.

Then it’s about acknowledging it. That means not only accepting it but feeling that it is yours to take on and change.

Then for 2 weeks, decide that you won’t allow the thought to be in your head. There are usually some negative thoughts allowed to fester in your head. At this stage, just say “No I’d like you to stop.” After 2 weeks choose a new thought that you would prefer to hear in your head, maybe “I can cope with situations that scare me” or “I am stronger than I know”.

There will be times when you fail. Don’t berate yourself because that is another negative thought you are allowing your head to process. Just start again and at times like that have a read of your “Why I’m awesome list”.

4. Choose your words carefully.

I’ve heard many clients tell me that “It’s going to be hard to change” “I can’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t petrified” or “This is a lot to ask”. Any thought that gives power to your fear takes away power from you to fight it. Therefore, choose how you word your goal to overcome your fear carefully.

Think thoughts like “I remember when I achieved xxxx and that reminds me I’m far tougher and more capable than I give myself credit for”. (Take the xxx from your why I’m awesome document.)

Advertising

5. Believe that you have the control power

The only person that can control what we think and feel is us. I know it can feel like other people are impacting on us, however they can only do that if we give them permission to do so.

If you really think about that for a moment, can you see that you have the right to think and feel anything you want right now? I’m certain you wouldn’t choose pain, fear or anxiety. So, what would you choose to think about your fear?

6. Put up physical reminders

Working one to one, I can find the fear, work through it and create a tool kit of thoughts, feelings and actions that will help them fight that fear and get rid of it. For some, they don’t need physical things to help them; others do.

For example, the CEO who was petrified of public speaking but could handle a conference call with 300 without a second thought, imagined the microphone was a phone when they spoke in front of 400 people to help reinforce the positive thoughts and ideas we’d created.

Or the client that always worried that they were an imposter and “someone else can do this better” pinned on their office wall a tag cloud of all the words that made up their “Why I’m awesome document”.

So they had a daily reminder. They were the right one for the job and they could do it. These daily reminders all come down to one key point — help you to Hack the Habit Loop.

What would be your visual clues to remind you that you can overcome this?

7. Physical supports

Music, environment and even smells can impact on us. Know the music that makes you feel alive and ready for anything. Try aromatherapy oils to feel positive and energised. Even choose your work environment or clothing to empower you.

Changing these things is physical and giving yourself physical ideas to action can help power up your emotional state too.

8. Don’t go it alone

The fear to ask for help is very real (and has a whole chapter in my book) so I know people really struggle with this. The fact is we all need people. We are not insular by design and as such it can be tough to admit that you have a fear impacting on you.

However, by sharing your fear with a trusted friend, colleague or loved one can mean that when you are feeling the fear. you can talk to someone. It could be that you share with them the contents of your tool kit and ask their permission to be added to it. That way they know what works for you and how to best support you.

It’s not a sign of weakness to tell people about your fear. It takes massive levels of strength to say, “I have this fear, and I want to get rid of it.”

Advertising

9. Get physical

One of the reasons that a fear can escalate is because we have come to accept that response. Our body reacted in a certain way, once repeated the behaviour and it became a formed habit that was accepted.

Challenging a fear can be done using our body too when we appreciate that fear is actually a reaction inside our bodies. We don’t need to understand where in our brains or what chemicals are racing through us to use our physicality to help us challenge our fears.

When I was writing my book, the Cuddy Superhero pose was proved and disproved by various researchers around the world 3 times. Whether it’s real or not, the fact is the way we stand, the way we breathe and even the speed at which we speak can impact on us as well as those around us.

If you have a fear of public speaking or a fear of people thinking you are stupid or a fear of what people are thinking you can look at how you speak, stand and move. If you compare these with people you deem confident and happy in these situations, how do you look? What can you learn?

The research around placebo’s reinforces us that if it feels like it is working, then keep doing it! What could you use to help reinforce your power and fearlessness?

A little fear can be good

As someone famous once says:

“It is not fear, it is performance energy.”

Despite having an absolute hatred of public speaking 10 years ago, I now love an audience and yet I have a healthy level of fear. That level of fear says “Are you well prepared?” “Do you know your audience?” “Have you rested your voice?” “You really want to deliver to this audience what they need” And those thoughts are sensible.

And just remember, it’s never ever too late to face your fear and do what you desire most! It’s even possible to start over your life no matter what stage of life you’re at. Here’s the proof:

How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

So as you reduce your fear, be aware of a good level of fear.

Featured photo credit: Isaiah Rustad via unsplash.com

Read Next