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20 Things You Should Never Succumb To No Matter How Others Convince You

20 Things You Should Never Succumb To No Matter How Others Convince You

Why we do even succumb to other people’s opinions? Is it that our insecurities prompt us to seek approval from others? Unfortunately, most of us fall victim to the opinions of other people.

Here are 20 things that you should never succumb to, no matter how others convince you.

1. Never succumb to the belief that you ‘need’ a college degree

Even in the 21st century, great emphasis has still been placed on getting a college degree. A lot of parents don’t give their kids a choice to opt out, however a college degree does not always equate to a successful career. In fact a lot of college graduates either continue or revert to living with their parents. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 30% of millennials are still living with their parents.

 2. Never succumb to the idea that It pays to be a loyal employee

Our parents have always told us to go to college to get your degree in order to get a great job for a Fortune 500 company and retire with a great retirement plan. That is only one of many paths in attaining financial security. It is not the only path! If you hate your job, then being a loyal employee would obviously be bad advice.

3. Never succumb to the belief of the ‘right’ religion

Many of us have been born under parents who are subscribers of a certain religion. As we get older, we have a right to be skeptical and question our religious beliefs for validity and personal comfort. Quite often we are told by our parents and clergymen that the other religions are wrong and only their religion is the right one. The people who make those remarks have a distorted view of the culture of other religions. Religion can be helpful for some people but it should never be forced on anybody.

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4. Never succumb to the notion that you’re obliged to share your parents’ political beliefs

Most of us have been born under parents of a certain political affiliation. As we get older, we have a right to question those fundamental beliefs and even change our own. While our parents may not agree with our decision, it is our job to form our beliefs about matters. Morality and fairness is subjective. Define what it means to you and vote based on those definitions.

5. Never succumb to the belief that you’re not cute enough

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When someone tells you that you’re not cute enough, it is simply one person’s opinion.  For example, a lot of guys think Jennifer Aniston is cute. It is my belief that she isn’t cute enough – but more importantly, Jennifer Aniston doesn’t care about what I think of her.

6. Never succumb to the idea of apologizing for your dietary lifestyle

There are people who will belittle you based on your preferred choice of diet. People have certain diets for their own reasons, whether it’s vegetarian, vegan, paleo, or gluten free. It doesn’t matter what other people think of your diet. The most important thing is your reason for choosing that particular diet. If you’re happy with that diet, keep doing it.

7. Never succumb to people’s opinions about your sexual orientation

Some people will judge you based on your sexual orientation. The love that you share with someone in your own privacy is your business. It doesn’t matter if you are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or transsexual. Love is something that is shared between two people.

 8. Never succumb to the pessimism of others

Some people hate the person that is always optimistic. Misery loves company and the optimistic guy tends to be a cog in the machine.  The most successful people in our generation all share one thing in common: optimism. Are you surprised?

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9. Never succumb to the idea that you must be keeping up with the Joneses

There are people in your life like your parents or friends, who think it’s necessary for you to keep up appearances. They care too much about public perception and think you should too. Your happiness shouldn’t be sustained based on the length of time that you can keep up with the Joneses. Happiness is a choice. You don’t need materialistic things to help you make that choice.

10. Never succumb to the belief that you must have kids

Having kids is not for everybody. Parents often pressure their kids in doing so or spouses try to get the other to change their mind. Choose your spouse carefully! Being a parent is not for everybody. One of your most important decisions in life is deciding whether or not to have kids. It’s a big decision that will likely affect the next 18 years of your life, along with the lifetime of your hypothetical kid!

11. Never succumb to the notion that you must lose your accent

Depending on your native state, some people have grown up with an accent. Sometimes it will be frowned upon in the workplace or in different social circles. The truth is that some people are ignorant. They know nothing about your culture except the stereotypes that they extract from movies and magazines. Your accent is a part of you. Be proud of it!

12. Never succumb to playing the race card

Some people will influence others to blame their lack of success because of their race. People of all different sociological and demographical backgrounds will ascribe tendencies and features, benefits and struggles, negative and positive to those outside of their particular group. Discrimination is a real problem but it doesn’t mean that you should use it as an excuse for not being successful. I wonder why billionaires aren’t playing the race card? Maybe it’s because they’re too busy making money.

13. Never succumb to the belief that you’re not smart enough

When some people say that you’re stupid or not smart enough, it doesn’t mean that they are right. Intelligence is subjective. Have you ever seen the movie, Idiocracy? Everyone was calling Joe Bowers stupid, when in fact he was the genius!

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14. Never succumb to the notion that you’re not skinny enough

Sororities or guys may reject girls because they aren’t skinny enough. Some girls are not skinny but have a physique that classifies them as curvy. Many people happen to be fond of curvy women. Be happy in your own body. If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself. Don’t do it simply because you want to be accepted by your peers.

15. Never succumb to the belief that you’re not cool enough

Fraternities, sororities, and other social circles tend to have their code of coolness. Some people try to act and dress a certain way to be embraced by these groups. Be cool, according to your own terms. Define what it means to you and live up to it.

16. Never succumb to the idea that you talk too much

Talkativeness is subjective. You can be told by an anti-social person that you talk too much, even if you’re known to be the most quiet person among your family or friends. Some people have bubbly personalities and love to talk to people. It’s a personality that attracts a crowd of their own. If you continue to be authentic, you’ll attract people who appreciate your authenticity.

17. Never succumb to the belief that you’re anti-social

Quiet people tend to get a bad reputation. I am one of those quiet people. I’m not quiet because I don’t want to socialize with others. I’m just a thinker. Introverts don’t mind being social. We just prefer to do it on our own terms.

 18. Never succumb to the notion that you can’t be too honest

It is common in the workplace for colleagues to be teased for being too honest. Total honesty is an admirable trait. It says a lot about your character. Don’t feel the need to compromise yourself because others are doing it. Be true to yourself. You will build an irrevocable trust that supersedes the trust of others.

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 19. Never succumb to getting rid of your quirks

We all have our quirks. While some people may deem them as strange or weird, they are traits that make us unique. Don’t apologize for them. If they can’t accept you with your quirks, then they don’t deserve to be your friend.

20. Never succumb to having a new year’s resolution

There is a false notion that people embrace and encourage others to embrace by suggesting that they should put their goals on hold until the new year. Time is either invested or wasted. Wouldn’t it be better to invest your time in working on your goals now? After all, what would you achieve by waiting until the new year to begin?

Featured photo credit: young beautiful hipster woman bubble blower in the city via shutterstock.com

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Kallen Diggs

Bestselling Author / Magazine Editor / Syndicated Radio Show Host

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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